DCUM parents with adult children on the autism spectrum, what does your child still struggle with the most as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No college, no job, no driver's license, living at home.

Most of the ASD young adults I know are in the same situation.

I wonder how this will change now that the ASD spectrum has been broadened so much. No snark intended, but there are obviously a lot of kids with ASD diagnoses these days who will be fully independent adults. (no dog in fight).

[Anonymous]

Mine works in a lab at school which is perfect for him because it's extremely regimented and everything has to be done just so. Which is his strong suit. Follow rules? You got it.

We still help him script things when asked. Oddly though, he nails job/scholarship interviews without prepping. It's the everyday scenarios he needs prompts for.

No drivers license but the realization that it's a necessary tool for adult has finally sunk in and we'll work on it over winter break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still a very young adult, but the prevalence of sarcasm and other indirect communication styles are a challenge. She’s in STEM so my help is that there are plenty of other people who just want to be very direct and clear.

I could have written this about our college aged DD. Also real difficulty dealing with requests that she finds too vague like “tell me about yourself”. She has a strong preference for scripting when it comes to new situations.

I'm an autistic adult and in job interviews when I've gotten asked that I open with "Well, I was born in Harlem during a snowstorm ..." and then we both laugh at the cliche, before I launch into a prepped snippet of what would make me a good employee and a bit about the range of experience I have based off my resume. So it brings it back to concrete facts.

I don’t get the reference to Harlem in a snowstorm. Is that a quote from something? Were you really born in Harlem on a snowstorm? I would be really confused. I’m not autistic. The rest of it sounds good. (I do think “tell me about yourself” is a terrible interview question. I might ask something like “tell me how you got interested in this type of work.” Or “tell me about the work you did in your college internship.”)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seizures, unfortunately. Between that and poor spatial reasoning, I'm not sure a driver's license will ever be a real option.

Thank you for sharing. Driving has been a milestone our 19 year old with ASD hasn't reached yet as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seizures, unfortunately. Between that and poor spatial reasoning, I'm not sure a driver's license will ever be a real option.

Thank you for sharing. Driving has been a milestone our 19 year old with ASD hasn't reached yet as well.

I tell myself that lots of people don't drive for whatever reason, and DC can manage perfectly fine with public transportation and Ubers. Maybe some day DC will get there spatially, maybe a new seizure med will be developed, who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No college, no job, no driver's license, living at home.

Most of the ASD young adults I know are in the same situation.

I wonder how this will change now that the ASD spectrum has been broadened so much. No snark intended, but there are obviously a lot of kids with ASD diagnoses these days who will be fully independent adults. (no dog in fight).

I know someone with autism who got married. But the outcome was terrible, he just walked away from his family. I think he lost his job as well.

True autism has a huge impact on functioning.

[Anonymous]

Mine works as an assistant to a coach in a local college athletics program. It's good because the job is very, very routine-based. Walking the athletes through their routine, setting up equipment and putting it away after practice, keeping track of times and reps, it's all very routine-y. And the things people say to each other in that context tend to be pretty scripted too. I wasn't sure because DC is not himself a talented athlete nor a big sports fan, but it has turned out to be a good fit for now. If you asked me 10 years ago I would not have expected that DC would have a job that he likes and does adequately.

[Anonymous]

Social desire. Autistic DS has none, at all. Not even online socialization. I don't quite understand why. He has no friends, and doesn't want AND doesn't know how to maintain interest in someone else's small doings. He's going to remember who is sick and will ask after them; but doesn't get that in order to build a relationship, it's often the minor and more fun details, that count. He doesn't even think about getting together with people for casual hanging-out, for example. He has ADHD, and doesn't know how to plan ahead anyway, even though he's learned to do that for his education.

This is going to be problematic both in his private and professional life. He will have no network to lean on if something happens to him after we're gone. His sister can't keep being the only peer in his life...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine works as an assistant to a coach in a local college athletics program. It's good because the job is very, very routine-based. Walking the athletes through their routine, setting up equipment and putting it away after practice, keeping track of times and reps, it's all very routine-y. And the things people say to each other in that context tend to be pretty scripted too. I wasn't sure because DC is not himself a talented athlete nor a big sports fan, but it has turned out to be a good fit for now. If you asked me 10 years ago I would not have expected that DC would have a job that he likes and does adequately.

And to connect the dots, my DC is the one with the seizures and poor spatial reasoning and doesn't drive. So a college setting has been a godsend, because DC can take a shuttle around campus and to the metro. And also use the gym there, eat in the cafeteria, etc. I didn't really think about this stuff when DC was younger. This job was posted as an opportunity for people with mild intellectual disabilities, which DC also has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No college, no job, no driver's license, living at home.

Most of the ASD young adults I know are in the same situation.

I wonder how this will change now that the ASD spectrum has been broadened so much. No snark intended, but there are obviously a lot of kids with ASD diagnoses these days who will be fully independent adults. (no dog in fight).

I know someone with autism who got married. But the outcome was terrible, he just walked away from his family. I think he lost his job as well.

True autism has a huge impact on functioning.

My son has diagnosed autism. My husband exhibits the same issues, never diagnosed. Marriage has been difficult but we've stuck it out and he's improved from a socio-emotional perspective (over 20 years, mind!). I've lived with these two people for so long that I can now recognize similar autistic traits in other men of my acquaintance. Some of them are married, and their wives have all struggled with their marriage. Some of them are unmarried and have not maintained long-term relationships. If they have kids, none of them are the primary parent, and some have a fractured relationship with their children.

I don't have an opinion on where the threshold of diagnosis should be set. But I see that autistic traits, whether there is a diagnosis or not, really do reduce the chances of having a stable romantic relationship and deep friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still a very young adult, but the prevalence of sarcasm and other indirect communication styles are a challenge. She’s in STEM so my help is that there are plenty of other people who just want to be very direct and clear.

I could have written this about our college aged DD. Also real difficulty dealing with requests that she finds too vague like “tell me about yourself”. She has a strong preference for scripting when it comes to new situations.

I'm an autistic adult and in job interviews when I've gotten asked that I open with "Well, I was born in Harlem during a snowstorm ..." and then we both laugh at the cliche, before I launch into a prepped snippet of what would make me a good employee and a bit about the range of experience I have based off my resume. So it brings it back to concrete facts.

I don’t get the reference to Harlem in a snowstorm. Is that a quote from something? Were you really born in Harlem on a snowstorm? I would be really confused. I’m not autistic. The rest of it sounds good. (I do think “tell me about yourself” is a terrible interview question. I might ask something like “tell me how you got interested in this type of work.” Or “tell me about the work you did in your college internship.”)

Yes, I was born in Harlem during a snowstorm- the joke is that I’m about to tell my entire life story starting with birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No college, no job, no driver's license, living at home.

Most of the ASD young adults I know are in the same situation.

I wonder how this will change now that the ASD spectrum has been broadened so much. No snark intended, but there are obviously a lot of kids with ASD diagnoses these days who will be fully independent adults. (no dog in fight).

I thought that when my kid was younger: that he had “mild” ASD and would of course live independently, work, go to college. The reality I’ve seen is that young adulthood is really hard for kids with ASD and the challenges increase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seizures, unfortunately. Between that and poor spatial reasoning, I'm not sure a driver's license will ever be a real option.

Thank you for sharing. Driving has been a milestone our 19 year old with ASD hasn't reached yet as well.

My dc with ASD is only 11, so not at this point-but my NT dc are young adults, and it's not uncommon among their peers to not get their drivers license until this age or later. My kids got it at 16/17, but many kids now don't even try until after high school. I don't know if it's fear of traffic (it's increased so much since I was a teen) or high insurance or what.

My co worker's dc with ASD didn't drive until his late 20's, but he does drive now (30 something).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seizures, unfortunately. Between that and poor spatial reasoning, I'm not sure a driver's license will ever be a real option.

Thank you for sharing. Driving has been a milestone our 19 year old with ASD hasn't reached yet as well.

I was pushing it a lot, but a friend reminded me that their son with ASD has had numerous accidents because he struggles to take into account that most drivers will not obey the law.

[Anonymous]

I am hoping to start working on driving with a young 20-something. It is totally possible for him to get around using public transit but so many of the job listings I see that he would be suited to (for example, arborist and horticulture-related) require a driver's license.