How do I handle bad eating habits with DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight OP? You talk about this affecting her health but let’s be honest, a few extra pounds is not affecting a 13 year old’s health even if she is in the overweight category but you can absolutely ruin her self esteem by going crazy about this. Has she had her period and if so when? Some girls chunk up a bit before a growth spurt.

She is 5’2” and weighs 140 lbs. She also has borderline high blood pressure which is being observed/monitored by our pediatrician, and she does think it may have something to do with being overweight and told us to do what we can to ensure she eats a healthy diet and is active. She has not gotten her period yet.

That is pretty big for a 13 year old. My niece just turned 14 and she is 5'6 and 120 pounds. My daughter is 11 and only weighs 75 pounds. I doubt she will be putting on 65 pounds in the next 2 years.

How big are you and DH? Is this more genetics than how much bad food they eat? FWIW my 11 year old eats like crap too - lots of french fries, donuts, etc when out with friends but genetically she is predisposition to be slim (DH didn't weigh 100 pounds until 9th grade and I have been slim my whole life).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she may not have had enough calories before her outing-she probably ate more junk food than she otherwise would have because of that. In terms of what you say to her, absolutely nothing.

I agree with this. It may seem counterintuitive, but she might need some more good fats at home. Butter on her toast, cheese and mayo on her turkey sandwich, etc. Don’t try to starve her at home or she will make up for it later.

I agree as well.

Also counterintuitive but I wonder if you all ever have junk food at home? If not, she may overcompensate when she’s out, even though it’s now regular enough that she doesn’t need to. I wouldn’t keep junk food regularly, but a family night to make milkshakes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight OP? You talk about this affecting her health but let’s be honest, a few extra pounds is not affecting a 13 year old’s health even if she is in the overweight category but you can absolutely ruin her self esteem by going crazy about this. Has she had her period and if so when? Some girls chunk up a bit before a growth spurt.

She is 5’2” and weighs 140 lbs. She also has borderline high blood pressure which is being observed/monitored by our pediatrician, and she does think it may have something to do with being overweight and told us to do what we can to ensure she eats a healthy diet and is active. She has not gotten her period yet.

That is pretty big for a 13 year old. My niece just turned 14 and she is 5'6 and 120 pounds. My daughter is 11 and only weighs 75 pounds. I doubt she will be putting on 65 pounds in the next 2 years.

How big are you and DH? Is this more genetics than how much bad food they eat? FWIW my 11 year old eats like crap too - lots of french fries, donuts, etc when out with friends but genetically she is predisposition to be slim (DH didn't weigh 100 pounds until 9th grade and I have been slim my whole life).

It seems like that, but the thin teens (especially the girls) just aren’t eating as much. While they may have friends and donuts, they often don’t finish it. Or if they do, they also aren’t coming home and eating a full dinner plus seconds. They are naturally able to regulate how much they are eating to end up being just the right amount. Some people can’t effortlessly do that

[Anonymous]

My slim kid can eat half a slice of cake and then be done. My fat kid cannot. Neither can I!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Here is an example of her day yesterday: eggs and wheat toast for breakfast at home, turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit at home for lunch. Then she went to a friend’s house for a sleepover and had the following from 2pm on: fries and milkshake for a snack at the mall, popcorn and candy at the movies, chicken tenders and fries for dinner, and then they baked cupcakes and had those for dessert at her friend’s house. Again, this is not a one off, every weekend is starting to look like this and she and her friends also like to go to Dunkin or Starbucks after school some days as well.

OP, how do you know all of this? How do you have a detailed list of what she ate while not in your presence? That screams red flag to me that you are being over controlling about her food. I know it's a delicate balance but please, coming from someone who has had an eating disorder her entire adult life, tread carefully. Being diligent about documenting everything I ate as a teenager ruined me for life.

This stuck out to me too. Like her mother is asking her to account for what she ate while she was out. Not good.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if she's not getting enough calories so is then filling up on empty/junk calories? I have a 13 year old and 15 year old, and the volume they need to eat at the moment is huge.

I'd also educate her about how much sugar is in those DD drinks. I found something on instagram showing how many tablespoons of sugar are in starbucks, dd, etc drinks. My girls had no idea b/c they were just treating them as beverages. There is more sugar in them than in a milkshake.

Finally, you don't say anything about exercise. Is she getting regular exercise or in any consistent sports? If not, focus on that and get her into something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she hasn’t started her period yet, body composition may change a bit when she does? I would not bet on it, but it isn’t uncommon either. Is there any family history of weight problems? She may have a genetic tendency to be a bit heavier (which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be concerned) but you may need to accept that she might struggle more than others and be realistic.

As a mom of 3 teens what jumps out at me the most is the amount of free time and spending $ she has. None of my kids and their friends had as much of either one, at age 13. Can you get her involved in a sport (ideally) or activity? Are her friends not involved in organized activities either? At age 13, most of the kids were busy with sports and other things- and generally did not have time to go to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts every day after school or spend a day hanging out at the mall or doing extended sleepovers every week.

Agree. And overeating junk is not the worst of it. As they get older, too much free time means more likely to eat experiment with drugs and alcohol at a young age. She needs to have more extracurricular activities. That alone could solve a lot of this. My 13 year old will definitely overindulge in the situations you describe. And I’m fat so I worry. But she is also a serious athlete so 1) she gets a lot of exercise and 2) she has very little free time. She is 5’3” and 105. Take away sports and I’d be shocked if she did not gain a lot of weight.

[Anonymous]

I think you are right to be worried OP. Especially if she hasn’t gotten her period yet- as that usually comes with some weight gain as well. I have a similar teen. She was normal weight until about 13. Mostly because I was to have more control over what and how much she ate. Even as a younger child- she’d be the one at a birthday party eating 2 slices of pizza, her entire piece of cake, then looking for uneaten slices. We’ve made some general rules about portions that have helped her (example: only one serving of dessert). What foods you can eat “as much as you want” and what foods you have to manage portions and frequency, even if you may want more (junk food). This has helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to back off and leave her alone. Doing more than having healthy food available in your house, is not going to work and it risks really alienating her. She will likely figure it out overtime and manage her own weight effectively.

I know this is not the answer you want to hear and it is very hard to make yourself back off, but I think it’s your best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

This. It's literally the science behind the success of GLP-1.

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't get this. I do think it's out of people's control but it's not some people can just eat more.

I have a skinny teen boy and he doesn't eat large quantities at the end of the day. He eats junk but his quantity is never out of control. He is the type of person who forgets to eat. He doesn't think about food all that often. My other child is less wired this way and I see the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

I mean, that’s part of it but also part not. My teen niece eats a TON. She was complaining how she overate at Thanksgiving and always gets a bloated belly after she eats but then digests and is hungry again. She is 5’3” and XXS, with a tiny mom and tiny grandma. She isn’t stopping when she’s had enough. She overeats too. She’s just built petite with a great metabolism (and she does exercise).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

This. It's literally the science behind the success of GLP-1.

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't get this. I do think it's out of people's control but it's not some people can just eat more.

I have a skinny teen boy and he doesn't eat large quantities at the end of the day. He eats junk but his quantity is never out of control. He is the type of person who forgets to eat. He doesn't think about food all that often. My other child is less wired this way and I see the difference.

+1

I think the fact that OP mentioned that the other girls are eating the same foods but they’re not finishing entire portions is really key here. I would focus on providing more filling, higher protein and fiber filled foods at home. I’m also surprised that she has so much time and money for dunkin and Starbucks everyday. I think you also have to teach her the value of money. If she’s spending so much on food how does she have money for clothes, movies, etc? Does she have a job like babysitting?

[Anonymous]

You can only control so much at this age, and discussing it will likely backfire.

I’d keep in mind that- even now- at least 80% of her food is still likely provided at home. That is really the only thing you can control. I would stop buying any junk (and not saying you buy a lot of it- but most families have some). No pantry snacks she can mindlessly snack on, convenience foods, desserts, ice cream etc. No one needs those items anyway. If you are ordering out or eating out at restaurants etc- try hard to minimize or stop. Put your energy on doing these things- because it is really all that you can realistically control at this age.