How do I handle bad eating habits with DD?

[Anonymous]

My 13yo DD is overweight (per her pediatrician) and we have been trying delicately to get her to eat healthier and be more active but it’s really difficult. We serve healthy, balanced meals at home and talk about how everything is ok in moderation, but that it’s important to try to eat healthy 80% of the time and only indulge in treats (desserts/sweets, fried foods, etc) 20% of the time.

She was doing ok for a little while but since starting 8th grade her eating has really gone down hill because she is hanging out much more with friends and has too many opportunities to make bad food decisions. She and her friends often meet up at Dunkin Donuts to hang out and recently they have been going to the mall most weekends and eating food court lunches and unhealthy snacks while they are there. This is fine as a special occasion but it’s just happening too often.

Here is an example of her day yesterday: eggs and wheat toast for breakfast at home, turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit at home for lunch. Then she went to a friend’s house for a sleepover and had the following from 2pm on: fries and milkshake for a snack at the mall, popcorn and candy at the movies, chicken tenders and fries for dinner, and then they baked cupcakes and had those for dessert at her friend’s house. Again, this is not a one off, every weekend is starting to look like this and she and her friends also like to go to Dunkin or Starbucks after school some days as well.

The difference I have observed between DD and her friends (who have equally bad habits) is that my DD finishes everything and her friends just have a little and then are done. But it’s so excessive overall.

I don’t know what to do as I know this is a delicate subject. DD gets a set weekly allowance that she uses for food so I could take that away but I don’t want her to not be able to hang with her friends so that seems extreme. I ask her to make some healthy choices when she is out but she doesn’t, and I know how hard it is when all your friends are eating crap around you and are the ones asking to go to these places.

I can also do nothing but that feels equally crazy since this is impacting her health. What is the middle ground? Has anyone else dealt with this?

[Anonymous]

As someone who was overweight at that age, you don’t need to say anything. Soon enough she will realize that no one wants to date her and connect the dots on why that is.

What you can do (and it sounds like you already are) is make sure she has healthy and tasty meals for every meals and access to nutritious snacks.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she may not have had enough calories before her outing-she probably ate more junk food than she otherwise would have because of that. In terms of what you say to her, absolutely nothing.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had the answer since we are going through the same thing. Healthy meals at home, crap everywhere else. I’ll add that my DD is into sports but in between tournament games the girls eat absolutely junk. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she may not have had enough calories before her outing-she probably ate more junk food than she otherwise would have because of that. In terms of what you say to her, absolutely nothing.

I agree with this. It may seem counterintuitive, but she might need some more good fats at home. Butter on her toast, cheese and mayo on her turkey sandwich, etc. Don’t try to starve her at home or she will make up for it later.

[Anonymous]

I was that kid. I got fat. I got more careful, stopped being fat, and am still careful. She’ll figure it out, and with ozempic now she’ll have help if she needs it.

[Anonymous]

I would work with her on tiny changes. At each outing that’s in between meals, choose whether you’re going to eat or drink your calories. Get a milkshake, but no food. Or get fries, but drink water.

Go have a treat with your friends at Starbucks, but swap out the whole milk in your drink for fat free milk. If you’re not even that thirsty or hungry, get a tall instead of a grande.

Making lots of modest sacrifices adds up — just like making lots of little splurges does.

[Anonymous]

Just stop

You did this.
You made her have a bad relationship with food.

She has to fix it now on her own.

Do not take away her allowance really bad parenting.

Stop talking about it. Stop making her crazy. Stop being a judgemental fool.

She is 13 she is not a baby when she looks in the mirror she knows if she is uncomfortable in her skin. When she is ready she will do something.

You failed.

I hate these posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she may not have had enough calories before her outing-she probably ate more junk food than she otherwise would have because of that. In terms of what you say to her, absolutely nothing.

I agree with this. It may seem counterintuitive, but she might need some more good fats at home. Butter on her toast, cheese and mayo on her turkey sandwich, etc. Don’t try to starve her at home or she will make up for it later.

I agree as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had the answer since we are going through the same thing. Healthy meals at home, crap everywhere else. I’ll add that my DD is into sports but in between tournament games the girls eat absolutely junk. It sucks.

She's a kid for god's sake.

You people are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would work with her on tiny changes. At each outing that’s in between meals, choose whether you’re going to eat or drink your calories. Get a milkshake, but no food. Or get fries, but drink water.

Go have a treat with your friends at Starbucks, but swap out the whole milk in your drink for fat free milk. If you’re not even that thirsty or hungry, get a tall instead of a grande.

Making lots of modest sacrifices adds up — just like making lots of little splurges does.

You don't have teens, do you?

[Anonymous]

What is her height and weight OP? You talk about this affecting her health but let’s be honest, a few extra pounds is not affecting a 13 year old’s health even if she is in the overweight category but you can absolutely ruin her self esteem by going crazy about this. Has she had her period and if so when? Some girls chunk up a bit before a growth spurt.

[Anonymous]

She needs more fiber and exercise. Those are things that will curb snacking that you can work on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would work with her on tiny changes. At each outing that’s in between meals, choose whether you’re going to eat or drink your calories. Get a milkshake, but no food. Or get fries, but drink water.

Go have a treat with your friends at Starbucks, but swap out the whole milk in your drink for fat free milk. If you’re not even that thirsty or hungry, get a tall instead of a grande.

Making lots of modest sacrifices adds up — just like making lots of little splurges does.

You don't have teens, do you?

I have two seniors in high school, both girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight OP? You talk about this affecting her health but let’s be honest, a few extra pounds is not affecting a 13 year old’s health even if she is in the overweight category but you can absolutely ruin her self esteem by going crazy about this. Has she had her period and if so when? Some girls chunk up a bit before a growth spurt.

She is 5’2” and weighs 140 lbs. She also has borderline high blood pressure which is being observed/monitored by our pediatrician, and she does think it may have something to do with being overweight and told us to do what we can to ensure she eats a healthy diet and is active. She has not gotten her period yet.