Why or how are some people magnetic?

[Anonymous]

I have had a friend since I was 13 who is the most confident person in the world and just wins people over. When we met she approached me and said "I'm new at this school. Can I sit with you on the bus?" Then she wanted my phone number. She was odd looking then, and came on so strong, but after a while she endeared herself to me. By the end of that school year everyone was her friend.
She has so many friends who adore her. She's an ok listener, not the best, but she is sweet and thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in to add that a lot of the charismatic people that everyone is drawn to are often not all that pretty or handsome! Not that they are ugly. Most I've seen are above average, but it's not like they are model attractive. The real attraction comes from within.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted in a thread awhile back about getting hit on as a woman in her 40s. I probably have a "magnetic" personality but would never admit it in person. The part about remembering people's names and interests and being a good listener is significant. Also, never ever repeat something that's told in confidence or speculate about someone's private life to others. Coming across as fake or a striver is a bad look but self confidence isn't. Your house needs to be clean and look put together but not overdone. Same with your appearance. You don't have to be stunningly attractive but you do need to be presentable especially if you're female. I was very, very shy as a child and realized in my teens that other people were getting things that I wanted-- namely school and sports recognition and social invitations. I paid attention to what those people were doing and learned how to be assertive without being bossy and how to make other people feel important. I worked on these skills as a young adult and still work on them. I'm rarely the smartest or most interesting person in the room and my life is quite boring compared to a lot of the people I know but I can hold a genuine conversation with just about anyone and I have friends and acquaintances from all walks of life.

This is part of it. Those who are “too something” (too smart, too beautiful, too interesting, even too charismatic) get boycotted because others end up feeling bad about themselves.

[Anonymous]

They remember small details about people's lives and are good conversationalists. They make others feel like the most important person in the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s an oldie but a goodie …

https://a.co/d/1LUSqHk

Key principles include showing genuine interest, being a good listener, using people's names, smiling, and making others feel important. For leadership and influence, it's recommended to avoid criticism, begin with praise, talk about your own mistakes before correcting others, and ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Look people in the eye, use their name, ask about them… their family and hobbies. Remember them and bring it up in conversation. How’s your horseback riding going? Is your daughter enjoying Chicago? Etc.

If you have friends/coworkers you should know ~10 facts about them.

This x 100.

A few years ago my daughter placed in a competition, and a part of the prize was a lunch with our congresswoman. 5 elementary school kids were invited to sit with her in her office and eat pizza. You had to see HOW she talked to the kids, like they were the most important people and she was absolutely serious listening to and discussing their ideas on how to run the country. She then had a brief talk with the parents, and I realized that’s how she is with people in general.

I'm not sure magnetism can be reduced to a five point plan - though being genuinely interested in others and being kind is a helpful trait for everyone. But I recall meeting Bill Clinton once for a whole minute, and my takeaway was that this was the most charismatic person I've ever met. One minute and my thought was we could totally be besties.

There's a shape-shifter quality to really magnetic people. They meet people where they are at and totally engage. No looking over the shoulders for more useful people. 100 percent focused on this person's world without reservation. Such people do very well in politics and sales. Not sure I'd want to be married to such a person though. Every day another hundred people fall in love. In OPs example, I am certain every man in that orbit is well aware of this woman's charisma. And it transcends looks or wealth or anything else.

It's really fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted in a thread awhile back about getting hit on as a woman in her 40s. I probably have a "magnetic" personality but would never admit it in person. The part about remembering people's names and interests and being a good listener is significant. Also, never ever repeat something that's told in confidence or speculate about someone's private life to others. Coming across as fake or a striver is a bad look but self confidence isn't. Your house needs to be clean and look put together but not overdone. Same with your appearance. You don't have to be stunningly attractive but you do need to be presentable especially if you're female. I was very, very shy as a child and realized in my teens that other people were getting things that I wanted-- namely school and sports recognition and social invitations. I paid attention to what those people were doing and learned how to be assertive without being bossy and how to make other people feel important. I worked on these skills as a young adult and still work on them. I'm rarely the smartest or most interesting person in the room and my life is quite boring compared to a lot of the people I know but I can hold a genuine conversation with just about anyone and I have friends and acquaintances from all walks of life.

This is part of it. Those who are “too something” (too smart, too beautiful, too interesting, even too charismatic) get boycotted because others end up feeling bad about themselves.

I think there's some truth to the saying that some of the people with the most friends are those who are definitely above average in everything but not freakishly anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can train yourself.

There are self help books on the market.

Can you? I think the PP got it right: you either have it or you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted in a thread awhile back about getting hit on as a woman in her 40s. I probably have a "magnetic" personality but would never admit it in person. The part about remembering people's names and interests and being a good listener is significant. Also, never ever repeat something that's told in confidence or speculate about someone's private life to others. Coming across as fake or a striver is a bad look but self confidence isn't. Your house needs to be clean and look put together but not overdone. Same with your appearance. You don't have to be stunningly attractive but you do need to be presentable especially if you're female. I was very, very shy as a child and realized in my teens that other people were getting things that I wanted-- namely school and sports recognition and social invitations. I paid attention to what those people were doing and learned how to be assertive without being bossy and how to make other people feel important. I worked on these skills as a young adult and still work on them. I'm rarely the smartest or most interesting person in the room and my life is quite boring compared to a lot of the people I know but I can hold a genuine conversation with just about anyone and I have friends and acquaintances from all walks of life.

This is part of it. Those who are “too something” (too smart, too beautiful, too interesting, even too charismatic) get boycotted because others end up feeling bad about themselves.

I think there's some truth to the saying that some of the people with the most friends are those who are definitely above average in everything but not freakishly anything.

People who are “too well-rounded” get boycotted too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty and nice and can have a conversation with anyone

+1

I organize things (i.e. host or plan lots of events), I listen when people talk to me and I remember what they've said, I can have an engaging conversation with a brick wall, I'm easy to look at, I laugh a lot, I say kind things to people, I'm pretty helpful when needed. Oh I'm also a really good cook and I love feeding people.

I've met others in my life who blow me away by their magnetism, so I don't think I'm particularly high on the scale, but I've had a lot of people say things like that to me or that I'm the glue, etc. I think I try hard to cultivate friendships, both individually and as a group, because I've always had lots of friends (and I still have my old friends from decades ago as well as new ones) and I love being around them.

[Anonymous]

There’s something that struck me about the OP’s “not wealthy or anything” comment. Why would this be a factor? Is that what you’re attracted to or find appealing or “magnetic “? Apparent wealth — however you define that? I’m genuinely curious, because that never would have been on my list of factors to even consider. If you had similar conversations with multiple people, would something that suggests “wealth” with one of them make that one seem more magnetic to you?

I’m wondering if perhaps wealth might lead to the kind of security and confidence that allows someone to be authentic in a way that’s genuinely magnetic? Something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good story teller, not reserved, confident but not smug. Nice smile. Attractiveness and $$$ helps

In addition a sense of humor.

+1

I get a lot of credit for being funny. Also smart. Those seem to be two big reasons why people like me. I'm fun to be around and I make people feel good, that's what it boils down to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can train yourself.

There are self help books on the market.

Can you? I think the PP got it right: you either have it or you don't.

You can't necessarily learn charisma but you can make yourself more likeable.
Some things I got from the aforementioned book are to let people talk about themselves, make them feel important, say their name (I used to really struggle with that), and if you think something nice about them by all means share it! Don't keep good thoughts to yourself.
I was born with very poor social skills (very spectrum family history) but skated by on being smart and funny. Now as a grown woman I needed to develop them. It's no longer cute to be charmingly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Some charismatic people are the worst people and literal psychopaths. I am very weary of ultra charismatic people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some charismatic people are the worst people and literal psychopaths. I am very weary of ultra charismatic people.

+1

[Anonymous]

It’s a gift, I have it, one of my sons has it, my daughter has it 10 times more than I do, my wife does not nor does my other daughter.
I was 17 years old when I shook Bill Clinton‘s hand and had a 12 second conversation with him, for those 12 seconds I truly believed I was the most important person in the world, that guy had it 50,000 times more
than I do.

All I have learned is that some humans are able to evoke emotions in others that make them feel good about themselves, humans crave recognition and if someone can make them feel truly important for just a moment they will go back to it like a rat slamming the food bar.

I’m sure it can be taught but I have yet to figure out how.