Physical boundaries, tweens, and parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The things you are saying would cause me to be concerned. But what gives me pause is that your child reported them to a therapist who is a mandatory reporter and apparently the therapist is not concerned. And you reported them to your attorney who also doesn’t seem to be concerned. That does t make sense to me.

It makes sense to me once you realize that OP is not a reliable narrator of events.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you were married to him and didn’t file for divorce, so obviously you didn’t find him threatening to your daughter in any way. What you are saying and how you say it sounds more like you are bitter and trying to find reason to keep him from getting visitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you were married to him and didn’t file for divorce, so obviously you didn’t find him threatening to your daughter in any way. What you are saying and how you say it sounds more like you are bitter and trying to find reason to keep him from getting visitation

Probably the divorce is what made it occur to him to act like a dad, which he read means hugging your kids, so he's now trying to force that.

[Anonymous]

Children are allowed to set physical boundaries around things like affection and having privacy in the bathroom and when changing clothes. They are not allowed to tell a doctor the dr can't physically touch them to examine or treat them. Your daughter is in the right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you were married to him and didn’t file for divorce, so obviously you didn’t find him threatening to your daughter in any way. What you are saying and how you say it sounds more like you are bitter and trying to find reason to keep him from getting visitation

This sounds very likely.

[Anonymous]

Leaving the divorce out of it:

My own DD definitely wanted/needed certain physical boundaries by the time she was a preteen (before that for some things)- knocking before entering her room, bathroom privacy, modest & expecting privacy when changing, sometimes uncomfortable with hugs etc. Not just with DH but also with me. That is relatively normal for her age, or at least it is to me?

Was she acting up and hiding under the covers when she’d been told to do something? In that case it seems to appropriate to enter the room with a knock after a cooling off period (if she refuses to come out) , physically remove the comforter and tell her “no DD, we need to continue our discussion about xyz” etc.

I think her therapist and/or you need to help DD come up with a way to express herself when she is with her father. How to advocate for herself and make her preferences known etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your ex sounds like a creep! I’d be so mad. What did your attorney say?

No, he's not. He wants to be affectionate with his child and OP is finding a way to terminate their relationship. If Dad cannot hug, mom shouldn't be hugging either.

Correct, if DD refuses a hug from Mom, Mom should also back off. But that isn't when OP said is happening.