Gonzaga, Georgetown Prep, Langdon, Saint Anslems, St. Albans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be worth looking into for St. Anselms Abbey School:

https://www.publicjustice.net/case_brief/doe-v-st-anselms-abbey-school/

Yikes!

yikes is right! nothing is more chilling than hearing one side of a race situation without hearing the other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

You’re welcome, OP.

Overall, STA was worth it for us. Our boys got an exceptional education. Also, there is a strong community of Black parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

OP here again - wow! 2 insightful posts in a row! Thank you so much for chiming in and sharing your perspective. I really appreciate it. One can tell when responses are from people who attend the school. Their thoughtfulness shines through their posts. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At St. Albans, Blacks are treated like royalty.

Plenty of threads about the anti-black racism at St Albans. The above comment was not necessary

yes, and the school has over-compensated, and there are lot of self-congratulatory white people who describe themselves as anti-racist, which creates a resentful, no-win environment for all.

Overcompensated for the racism?

exactly

Denouncing it is overcompensating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

So if you don’t run a 4.3 40yd dash or have a wicked jump shot, you will have a hard time as a minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

So if you don’t run a 4.3 40yd dash or have a wicked jump shot, you will have a hard time as a minority.

but your photo will be featured in glossy admissions brochures and in the annual report!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we have/are visiting the various open houses. Honestly, we've gotten a really good impression from some if them. However, when I've shared that with friends, I sometimes hear very negative experiences that have been relayed to them by others (i.e., not direct experiences). By asking this question, I'm hoping to get some balanced and honest perspective from families who have attended these schools. If you can share your experiences I'd be most appreciative. Would love to hear about your experiences over x many years and how it evolved. Whether you left the school to attend another school and why. Looking back, was your decision to leave really worth it. I'm really just looking for honest, reflective sharing of experiences.

Going to ask again, OP, which minority group are we talking about? A Black child at one of these schools may have a different experience than, say, an Asian child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

NP. Agree class and clubs are important. They may be "friends" with the black kids and lower class kids but no they are not flying to Nantucket with them or golfing with them. Very white wealthy experiences that your kid will be left out of. Family gatherings at the Met Club and Chevy and Congo happen often and you won't be part of that either. It does affect the kids left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

NP. Agree class and clubs are important. They may be "friends" with the black kids and lower class kids but no they are not flying to Nantucket with them or golfing with them. Very white wealthy experiences that your kid will be left out of. Family gatherings at the Met Club and Chevy and Congo happen often and you won't be part of that either. It does affect the kids left out.

welcome to the real world. not everyone is included in everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

NP. Agree class and clubs are important. They may be "friends" with the black kids and lower class kids but no they are not flying to Nantucket with them or golfing with them. Very white wealthy experiences that your kid will be left out of. Family gatherings at the Met Club and Chevy and Congo happen often and you won't be part of that either. It does affect the kids left out.

Disagree. By high school your child will be invited to all of this if they are organically friends with these kids. My son is. He's friends with kids because they click due to personality, humor, sports, extracurricular interests and then he's been invited many times to Chevy. And several times to the Metropolitan Club and the beach and out-of-town vacations, etc. And we've in turn invited kids to our more middle-class excursions. I can totally see how lives might not intersect in the lower grades when parents are doing the playdate asking but by high school it's the boys doing the inviting and they invite who they're friends with. I've seen it happen with my son and I've seen it happen with other kids who are also more middle class. It really, really hasn't been an issue that my kid is not from an eilte crowd and we don't have club memberships and don't vacation in Nantucket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

NP. Agree class and clubs are important. They may be "friends" with the black kids and lower class kids but no they are not flying to Nantucket with them or golfing with them. Very white wealthy experiences that your kid will be left out of. Family gatherings at the Met Club and Chevy and Congo happen often and you won't be part of that either. It does affect the kids left out.

Disagree. By high school your child will be invited to all of this if they are organically friends with these kids. My son is. He's friends with kids because they click due to personality, humor, sports, extracurricular interests and then he's been invited many times to Chevy. And several times to the Metropolitan Club and the beach and out-of-town vacations, etc. And we've in turn invited kids to our more middle-class excursions. I can totally see how lives might not intersect in the lower grades when parents are doing the playdate asking but by high school it's the boys doing the inviting and they invite who they're friends with. I've seen it happen with my son and I've seen it happen with other kids who are also more middle class. It really, really hasn't been an issue that my kid is not from an eilte crowd and we don't have club memberships and don't vacation in Nantucket.

That is great that your son has that experience. Others have not. You need to chill out and accept that different people can have different experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

NP. Agree class and clubs are important. They may be "friends" with the black kids and lower class kids but no they are not flying to Nantucket with them or golfing with them. Very white wealthy experiences that your kid will be left out of. Family gatherings at the Met Club and Chevy and Congo happen often and you won't be part of that either. It does affect the kids left out.

Disagree. By high school your child will be invited to all of this if they are organically friends with these kids. My son is. He's friends with kids because they click due to personality, humor, sports, extracurricular interests and then he's been invited many times to Chevy. And several times to the Metropolitan Club and the beach and out-of-town vacations, etc. And we've in turn invited kids to our more middle-class excursions. I can totally see how lives might not intersect in the lower grades when parents are doing the playdate asking but by high school it's the boys doing the inviting and they invite who they're friends with. I've seen it happen with my son and I've seen it happen with other kids who are also more middle class. It really, really hasn't been an issue that my kid is not from an eilte crowd and we don't have club memberships and don't vacation in Nantucket.

OP here - thank you for sharing your perspective and those of your friends. I'm interested in hearing all first hand perspectives (both good and bad).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA is run by CCC and Congo members. Big emphasis on status and wealth among parents though it varies by grade. Some forms have down to earth parents. Others might have a heavy concentration of the 4 Cs. We had boys in 2 forms and parent culture was night and day.

Different with the boys. You have some privileged white kids but they are kept in check for the most part because the culture among the boys values in this order 1) athletic prowess, 2) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.

Not gonna lie. Black and Asian boys will hear stupid stuff and be on the receiving end of micro aggressions.School is not great at acknowledging or dealing with it. DEI director means well but is ineffectual. Few if any Latino or Native American boys. Zero in my boys’ grades. Interestingly among the Asians there are many white/Asian mixed kids.

Teachers are the great equalizer. They reward merit and don’t know or care about parent status. There a few conservatives in the history department but more political than racial. Overall teaching quality is strong in Upper School. The teachers made the school.

The admin is a mixed bag. HOS expresses liberal DEI thoughts but is terrified of the wealthy MAGA crowd. Anything explicit and overt admin will respond to. A boy was expelled a couple years ago for using a racial slur. More subtle and structural stuff they let slide. Eg. Lower School head favors white students but he can’t affect grades or appoint student leaders. It affects tone but not opportunities.

OTH, the focus at STA is on boys learning and the school promotes values without going overboard woke the way they do at Sidwell and GDS.

OP here - thank you so much for this thoughtful post. This is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to truly hear what I was asking for and respond accordingly.

Very good post! My son recently graduated (last 2 yrs) as a white kid from a middle class, liberal family. All I can add as a white person is a strong agreement with the above hierarchy of values, although I would put athletic prowess and academic achievement as tied for most important among the boys. It is very respected and cool to be a high academic achiever as long as you don't brag about it.
1) athletic prowess, 1) academic achievement, 3) sense of humor, 4) other talents, 5) parent status and money.
The boys (especially at the high school level) really don't care who has money. My son was completely accepted by the boys and his friends' parents despite our lack of big money, prestige jobs or club memberships.

NP. Agree class and clubs are important. They may be "friends" with the black kids and lower class kids but no they are not flying to Nantucket with them or golfing with them. Very white wealthy experiences that your kid will be left out of. Family gatherings at the Met Club and Chevy and Congo happen often and you won't be part of that either. It does affect the kids left out.

Can you please share which of these schools your son goes to and how he has dealt with this? I am mainly interested in highschool experiences as that is what we would be applying to.