Help with freshman mood swings.

[Anonymous]

My DC is a senior, and I remember what the first semester as a freshman was like. What your child is experiencing is common, and what you are experiencing as a parent is also common. My stomach was in knots, and I worried. As parents, we must pay attention to the signs that tell us what is a normal adjustment to college and what might be an indication that the college is not the right fit. I gave DC numerous pep talks during that first semester. I saved some notes from my first pep talk; this is what I told DC:

90% of freshman feel anxiety. Some wear it on their sleeve, and some hide it (“fake it until you make it”). Everyone has different levels of it, and some students have more than others.

Tell yourself:

- It’s fine
- I’m making friends
- I’m going out (leaving the room)
- I’m going to classes
- I’m learning the ropes (where everything is)

What you are feeling is totally understandable. You recognized it, and you always get through it.

Just look at all the things you have done already. Every little bit that you do shows you can do all of this independently.

Be kind to yourself.

It’s OK to ask us to come by or meet somewhere or come home if you want to.

It’s OK to feel anxious.

If you give it time, you will start to feel differently.

Building your confidence comes by doing things.

Every freshman feels like they are all by themselves.

When you start feeling anxious, put on your shoes and go for a 30 minute walk. It releases the stress so you can start to think normally again.

In life, when you start something new (school, move to a new city, start a new job, get into a new relationship, move into a new home), you are pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. You are adjusting to change and new routines. You are going to feel uncomfortable. You might feel lonely, anxious, or sad.

But look back on your life. When you first started at your previous schools, those feelings passed. You became familiar with all of the different faces, the different routines, and you became comfortable. You’ve done this before.

For some people it takes a week, month, semester, etc. Every person has a different timeline.

But remember, it’s OK to feel uncomfortable. When you are learning something new or trying something new, every human being feels this way.

So, to combat all of this, you can:

1. Exercise
2. Eat Healthy
3. Get Good Sleep
4. Take a warm shower
5. Be Kind to Yourself

Think to yourself: “I did something new yesterday, it was new, and it was OK.” You know what happens after that? You begin to think to yourself, “I did this before and I’m comfortable.”

Remember, every human does this (tries something new, makes changes in their lives), and they feel the same way you do. This is all a part of life (feeling funny about people, feeling uncomfortable when in a new situation or transition, etc).

You mentioned you worry about classes and school work. You have always managed to do well before, right?

College is hard. They give you more free time than class time so you can get your work done and study. Don’t expect A’s. You might be taking a class where you challenge yourself and you don’t get a high mark. That is better than taking a class that is easy and getting an A.

Another part of life is learning how to fail. Let’s say you get a C- or a D on a test. So what? It’s not the end of the world. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t be afraid to fail or be afraid of a bad grade. Sure it’s disappointing, but brush it off.

So my advice is: find things you are interested in such as a class, join some clubs, find exercise you enjoy, and have a social life. You are growing mentally, physically, and socially. Take this time to get to know yourself and other people.

We can get together whenever you want, as often as you want. You know Dad and I will always be here for you, and it’s great that it’s easy to just grab dinner or you can come to the house whenever you need or want to! We love you, and we are so proud of you.

Just remember that every little thing you are doing will build your confidence, and it’s OK to feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her nobody wants to hang out with a whiner and to fake being confident. You need mental help. The amount this is stressing you is out of proportion to what is going on.

OP, please do not listen to this heartless fool.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. I believe the adage that you’re only as happy as your least happy kid. My DD, a sophomore, called crying about girls and housing for next year and other nonsense. Said she was spiraling but only wanted to talk to me, not a therapist. It’s hard when you’re not there and kid us hurting. But I believe your DD will find her way. If she could learn not to take things so personally and just join in that would help. College sometimes seems like a weird social experiment kids are suddenly thrust into/-living away from home in a tiny room with strangers, pressures of clubs and internships. New classes. Good luck!! As I tell my DD: this too shall pass. Don’t listen to the haters. Your anxiety about this is natural. You love your child and want her to be happy.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of good advice here. I will add that college fit is a thing. Is it possible she is in the wrong place? I certainly would not address transferring immediately but it is almost the end of October and may be worth exploring whether this college will serve her. My daughter with anxiety picked a smaller college with more of an academic focus and that has been a really good fit for her.