Teen doesn’t want me around or to meet friends

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to get to the cause of it - talk with her at a time when there isn't something immediately coming up and really figure out what's up. Not that you need to change, but good to know.

In terms of the inviting people over...my kid never ever wants to invite people over. He gets stressed out hosting. It's annoying because he goes to his friends houses all the time but doesn't reciprocate. I've had to let it go.

I only say that to mean - if it were just the not inviting over, I would let it go. But, my kid is fine with me driving them, meeting his friends and their parents, talking with them, etc. But the inviting over never happens.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a decent house (not a huge new build McMansion but a regular house for my area, some of my friends lived in nicer homes and some lived in smaller homes or ones that weren’t as nice), and my parents were normal in appearance - but my parents were also deeply embarrassing, especially at home. They wanted to have big conversations with my friends and pump them for info and gossip. They told embarrassing stories about me and broke out the old family photo album that had a bunch of pictures of me in diapers and stuff as a little kid. It was very unusual behavior because all my friends parents were basically, “there are Hot Pockets in the freezer and Gatorade’s and Cokes in the garage fridge, hang out in the basement and have fun.”

[Anonymous]

I think showing up matters. I'd tell her that and put in terms of your family norms "in our family we show up for each other."

Re: not having people over. I was the same at her age. We had a much smaller house and no good place "to be" that wasn't where someone else in the family would be. It is what it is. I never told my parents why and honestly *I* was fine with it. I liked going to other people's houses. As long as she has friends to hang with, I wouldn't sweat it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your appearance like?

Just trying to help you keep it real. I was embarrassed of my mother growing up and never had people over.

I was embarrassed by my mother. She looked so different from me.

But looking back at pictures, I realized she was cute and had her own style

Sometimes teens can be weird and you can only hope they will be embarrassed at their own behavior when they are adults as I am now.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't mean OP is ugly or overweight. I was an overweight teen and hated for anyone to meet my mom because I felt like she was prettier and more sociable than me and everyone would like her better than me.

[Anonymous]

Quit making it all about you.

Leave her alone and don't mess her up. Get your own friends.

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much for all of the kind and thoughtful replies. I went, and was seated by the ushers near the stage. She saw me from the stage and gave a HUGE grin. And a huge hug after the show — in front of other parents. I was shocked.

I feel like I passed some kind of test!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much for all of the kind and thoughtful replies. I went, and was seated by the ushers near the stage. She saw me from the stage and gave a HUGE grin. And a huge hug after the show — in front of other parents. I was shocked.

I feel like I passed some kind of test!

Oh thank you for posting the update, and hurray! I’m glad it was a great evening for both of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much for all of the kind and thoughtful replies. I went, and was seated by the ushers near the stage. She saw me from the stage and gave a HUGE grin. And a huge hug after the show — in front of other parents. I was shocked.

I feel like I passed some kind of test!

terrific! it’s a good reminder that she obviously wanted you there but couldn’t get out of her own head 🥰.

my college aged son is still like this - he’s matured a little, but he still “shields” us (parents) from interactions with friends and rarely has friends come over. when he does, i make a huge point to stay totally out of sight (which i suspect his friends find weird, to the extent they put any thought into my presence at all). we’ve discussed it time to time thru the years, and the most he comes up with is that we are too “in his/his friends’ business”, which as i said i try very hard not to be. i suspect i was too involved when he was like 10 and he will not get over it.

[Anonymous]

Love the update!! So glad you went!

[Anonymous]

It has nothing to do with where you live. I doubt it has anything ti do with you period. We live in a house and my kids gravitated towards one friend’s apartment and one’s house. Chips just fall a certain way.

[Anonymous]

Yay OP! Pp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't mean OP is ugly or overweight. I was an overweight teen and hated for anyone to meet my mom because I felt like she was prettier and more sociable than me and everyone would like her better than me.

I'm fat and ugly but fun to talk with and always have good snacks. DD's friends (per her) think I'm cool. I'm good at balancing chatting long enough to be friendly and excusing myself so I'm not hanging out with them.

[Anonymous]

Happy it worked out so well OP!