How often is it reasonable to see local grandparents?
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Anonymous
Yeah, you never should have agreed to this. They can’t insist on a precedent that was never started. |
Anonymous
TIL this is a thing. Also, proximity doesn’t dictate frequency. There’s no imperative to see them once a week. |
Anonymous
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Current schedule is fine.
Have your husband communicate that with his parents. |
Anonymous
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It’s too much and too rigid OP. As your kids get older, they will want Fridays open for their social lives. Think back to when you were a teen and imagine never having a Friday to go to dinner or the football game or a movie with your friends.
Having local in-laws with no boundaries and controlling personalities is really challenging. Would suggest you focus on setting boundaries for your kids as they need them (once they are old enough, grandma will start emotionally manipulating them too) and disengaging yourself as you need (DH can be the one who takes them). |
Anonymous
This is such a WASP sentiment. |
Anonymous
| Are they calm; loving, and reasonable? If so it’s ok if it works for you. Mine are not calm or reasonable so that would be way too much for me. They super stress me out with their untreated anxiety. |
Anonymous
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Once per week seems enough. Let DH hang out with them more if he wants.
My mom used to watch my kids so we would see her 5x per week. When my kids are grown, I hope I get to see their family once per week. |
Anonymous
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Every Friday night my aunt and uncle hosted my grandparents and my family for dinner. We lived with a single parent (parents died and my mom’s single sibling adopted us/ never got married).
My aunt and uncle had the means to pay for it, they usually had someone cook the meal or we ordered take out. They never allowed anyone else to pay. Honestly, this is a memory I cherish now as an adult. There are fun stories that came from those nights. When we went to college and one of my grandparents died they continued it. Their kids were younger and they talk about the dinners still too. I babysat for their kids, but Friday nights were sacred. We all lived in the same area 5-10 minute drive maximum between all three homes. I now live with my family states away from both sides (my side and my spouses side). I am so grateful I had a childhood filled with family including these dinners. I feel for my kids who won’t have that experience. Could you have them come to your house sometimes? Like others say your husband take the kids sometimes? When I had an event in high school I would sometimes miss the dinners or stop by before I left. When I missed them I came home to left overs from the meal. If my aunt and uncle had an important event on Friday (rarely) I would babysit my cousins, my aunt and grandmother would come over for a take out dinner with all of us and leave early OR my aunt would take her parents/ mom out for a meal. Could you ask them if you might drop the kids occasionally and you and your husband go for dinner? My grandmother is on hospice now so maybe I’m just being sentimental, but what I wouldn’t give for one more of those dinners. Life is short. I wouldn’t stop them all together but you don’t always have to attend. Once kids activities start to ramp up maybe do them less or invite them to yours for breakfast before say a soccer match or something. |
Anonymous
| For half the year my parents live very nearby and I love it. We probably have dinner with them once every two weeks and I see them a lot as they often attend my kids events or my kids just head to their home. I would not like to have a fixed dinner schedule nor would they because we are all busy. My children adore their grandparents so their time together is very special. It helps that my husband loves them as well. |
Anonymous
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They sound exceptionally needy.
Can you and your husband drop the kids off one or two Fridays a month and then you and husband go off on a date night of your own? It is Friday night. Can husband take the kids and you stay home for a break and have a salad and your own break? If they are whiny and needy just ignore and have husband interact with them. I'd gradually phase this Friday night committment out due to kids activities. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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continued from above
Poster, where are they the rest of the year? I'm a Grandparent. I have two adult children who live in different parts of the country. I'm thinking of living 6months near one of them and 6 months near the other. But I'm thinking I'm not much help with a childcare schedule if I'm there some months and not others. |
Anonymous
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We drove 1 hour to see paternal grandparents every other month or the big holidays. That was a big family with lots of local aunts, uncles, cousins.
We drove 15 mins to see maternal widowed grandmother once a week or bimonthly. My mom probably went there for sure once a week to chat w her mom. |
Anonymous
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My kids see their maternal grandparents 3-5x a year, once there, once here, once elsewhere by brothers family. No one is in the same state.
My kids she their overseas paternal grandparents 1-2x a year, here for three weeks and/or there for one week. My spouse goes there before or after business trips 1-2x a year as well. There is one local brother. |
Anonymous
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It’s nuts that they get upset that you skip a Friday if you are going *on vacation.*
You know their demands are not reasonable. Protect yourself, and your kids. Don’t give in to emotional blackmail. Where is your spouse in this? |