How to get parents on board with alternate Thanksgiving plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about buying a catered meal and serve it in your home? If you are dead set on going out though, just tell them that’s the plan, come or don’t.

Do you think these come warm and plated? They are still a decent amount of work and cleanup.

+1 this is so true. It’s a pain.

This. You don’t just throw everything in the oven at the same temp for the same amount of time.

[Anonymous]

can you do both? a small meal with your parents - substitute rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and pick up some pre made sides? and then the gathering you want to go to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say you are going to the cousin's party and that they are welcome to
meet you there or come to your house and drive together (if you can all fit in one car of course).

Don't overthink this or overexplain yourself. Visiting extended family is normal Thanksgiving behavior.

+1 I think your kids would really enjoy this OP. Your parents should be thinking of their grandparents and that next generation building family bonds too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say you are going to the cousin's party and that they are welcome to
meet you there or come to your house and drive together (if you can all fit in one car of course).

Don't overthink this or overexplain yourself. Visiting extended family is normal Thanksgiving behavior.

+1 I think your kids would really enjoy this OP. Your parents should be thinking of their grandparents and that next generation building family bonds too.

Ha meant to say Grandkids not Grandparents bonding

[Anonymous]

I’d go to the cousins. That sounds like that would be a lot of fun. Tell your parents they can meet you there or you will pick them up.

[Anonymous]

Visiting family at a large family gathering a traditional for Thanksgiving. Go to the cousins.

[Anonymous]

First of all, as I’m sure they taught you growing up, “my house, my rules”. Since it is your house, you need to have a household rule that nobody discusses politics at all over dinner, when there are guests, under your roof period, however you want to structure the rule.

Then decide what you and your family want for dinner, hopefully including something they will eat. “Great news! I’ve heard that ______ makes a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner, so we’ll be picking the food up/having it delivered and that will give me more time to enjoy your company.”. You can either get some non-traditional foods for the kids to enjoy, or maybe pop some frozen appetizers in your otherwise empty oven for everyone to enjoy and the kids could probably happily make a meal of it. If you want to do something entirely different (ex. tacos instead of turkey), just give them advance notice.

Plan activities. “Hey, since you’re here, we’d love to watch old family movies, put up the tree, have you teach the kids how to (do their favorite dance), etc.” or “How about we play a game (Apples to Apples is a good one), watch this new movie and put together a jigsaw, etc.”?

Use the grandkids. We thought it would be fun to XYZ for a change and the kids are so excited. They’ve really been looking forward to sharing this with you while you’re here. Just pick things the kids actually will enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your parents have a problem. Not you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about buying a catered meal and serve it in your home? If you are dead set on going out though, just tell them that’s the plan, come or don’t.

Do you think these come warm and plated? They are still a decent amount of work and cleanup.

+1 this is so true. It’s a pain.

This. You don’t just throw everything in the oven at the same temp for the same amount of time.

My god you have to warm the food in the oven and microwave at the same time. How does anyone do it and make dinner happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:can you do both? a small meal with your parents - substitute rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and pick up some pre made sides? and then the gathering you want to go to?

Piggy backing on the PP's ridiculous post about having to reheat the sides. Apparently that's too difficult of a task.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about buying a catered meal and serve it in your home? If you are dead set on going out though, just tell them that’s the plan, come or don’t.

Do you think these come warm and plated? They are still a decent amount of work and cleanup.

+1 this is so true. It’s a pain.

This. You don’t just throw everything in the oven at the same temp for the same amount of time.

It’s food to be reheated. It’s not a frozen lasagna and raw meat. It couldn’t get much easier.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to convince them. Your obligation is to include them in whatever you decide to do. They can choose to attend or not. You don’t need to keep hosting an event you don’t even enjoy or like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always spend Thanksgiving with my parents. I have a very small family, I’m and only child and so are both of my parents. Prior to COVID we always used to go to my mom’s best friend’s house which was always really fun for my kids because they have two grandkids roughly the same age as my kids and they all played together nicely. After Covid that tradition ended and we have been hosting my parents ever since. The problem is that I don’t find Thanksgiving for 6 people to be particularly fun or joyful and really wish we could do something else for my kids’ sake. It’s a ton of prep, cooking and clean up for a meal that is over in under 30 mins. Plus my kids don’t even eat most Thanksgiving food. My dad typically spends the dinner complaining about politics and it’s fairly somber.

We have other options - I suggested going to a restaurant instead of cooking, or we have a cousin who lives within driving distance who invited us. My parent said no to a restaurant because they want a more traditional Thanksgiving, and also said no to the cousins because there will be 40 people there and it will be a big loud and chaotic. DH’s family has also always invited us but we would all need to fly so I understand why they don’t want to do that.

DH and I really want to do something else but we won’t ditch them since they have no one else to spend the holiday with. How can we convince them to give something else a try?

Do something else on any other day of the year. On Thanksgiving you have to have a meal with your family. There are 364 other days of the year to eat out or see cousins. It's not that hard to suck it up one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to convince them. Your obligation is to include them in whatever you decide to do. They can choose to attend or not. You don’t need to keep hosting an event you don’t even enjoy or like.

You sound like someone I'd hate to have in my family. I bet you are single.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s really odd that OP’s parents can’t manage themselves for one Thanksgiving. There have been several years that my parents were on their own (we were traveling, brother at in-laws, etc). Our parents were delighted that we had fun plans and were excited about whatever (non-Thanksgiving) plans that we had coming up.

Sounds like OP’s parents are holding them hostage!