Divorce related to peri/menopause?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Jeff created a special Meno/ peri sub forum. It’s worth at least browsing.

There is a stark and recurring theme there: changes in libido, beginning in peri.

My informal assessment is about 70-80% experience decreasing/ disappearing libido (pay attention to the thread: “absolutely repulsed by thought of intimacy” ).

The lucky few, like you PP, report a steady or increased libido.

Also: the 2 prescription “libido” drugs out there seem like total flops.

In contrast, there are rare doctors who prescribe low-dose testosterone for peri/ menopausal women, for a wide variety of symptom relief (energy, cognitive boost, joint pain, sleep, etc). In the sub forum, T supplementation does seem to boost women’s libido.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on. No man makes it through 20 years of marriage only to suddenly suffer a divorce due to mishandling “peri.” He was likely a bad partner well before that and the kids being older gives his wife more ability to leave him. But sure blame it all on the hormones, never heard that one before.

Exactly this.

I dunno. I have friends whose husbands, like you said, aren’t the best partners. But these women picked up the load when younger. Now, they’re older, the kids are older, they aren’t seeing as much of an upside to staying with someone who still isn’t a great partner. And their patience is much lower, given everything going on with their bodies. The husbands are very clueless and aren’t flexible on expectations around sex etc. It has become a deal breaker for a couple friends and I won’t be surprised if more follow in the coming years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Jeff created a special Meno/ peri sub forum. It’s worth at least browsing.

There is a stark and recurring theme there: changes in libido, beginning in peri.

My informal assessment is about 70-80% experience decreasing/ disappearing libido (pay attention to the thread: “absolutely repulsed by thought of intimacy” ).

The lucky few, like you PP, report a steady or increased libido.

Also: the 2 prescription “libido” drugs out there seem like total flops.

In contrast, there are rare doctors who prescribe low-dose testosterone for peri/ menopausal women, for a wide variety of symptom relief (energy, cognitive boost, joint pain, sleep, etc). In the sub forum, T supplementation does seem to boost women’s libido.

I have found HRT, including a low-dose T supplementation, extremely helpful for libido, mood, sleep, and overall optimism. I'm just starting peri - recognized it when I broke out like a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Honestly, I think the vast majority of women complaining about a lower sex drive are women who have been with the same man for 20 years. Women simply are NOT wired to be with the same man that long. So many of us who have divorced or stepped outside of our marriages find we are more sexual than ever, and we just cannot bring ourselves to be intimate with our husbands anymore. Women protect themselves from harm in this way. My guess is that you have a really great, emotionally safe husband if that is what you are experiencing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circle, I’m finding its men’s midlife crisis affairs as the main cause. Sadly know 10 women in this situation

Amen, my DH lost his mind around the age of 50 - literally had a nervous breakdown and left his family.

I thought I was the only one noticing an epidemic around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on. No man makes it through 20 years of marriage only to suddenly suffer a divorce due to mishandling “peri.” He was likely a bad partner well before that and the kids being older gives his wife more ability to leave him. But sure blame it all on the hormones, never heard that one before.

Exactly this.

I dunno. I have friends whose husbands, like you said, aren’t the best partners. But these women picked up the load when younger. Now, they’re older, the kids are older, they aren’t seeing as much of an upside to staying with someone who still isn’t a great partner. And their patience is much lower, given everything going on with their bodies. The husbands are very clueless and aren’t flexible on expectations around sex etc. It has become a deal breaker for a couple friends and I won’t be surprised if more follow in the coming years.

I think a lot of women tell themselves "Maybe he's just not a baby/little kid person, and he'll get more involved as the kids get older." Or, "He's just struggling with the transition because he wasn't around kids when he was younger. He'll grow up soon."

When that doesn't happen, it starts to feel like you started your family with the wrong person. After you've been parenting functionally alone for 12-15 years, you start to wonder what the other person is bringing to the table, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many times women's looks fail, weight balloon up and the attitudes go sour so the men look elsewhere.

Try to get ahead of it with an endocrinologist and dieting and plastic surgery.

You're so nasty. I'd rather be alone than get plastic surgery.

[Anonymous]

I was widowed with two teenagers at age 47. I was in peri-menopause at that time and the sex life with my husband had completely died. It was a source of conflict for us constantly and he also had several emotional affairs (and perhaps more that I did not know about). Around age 49/50, I noticed a significant uptick in my libido, but I was single. I started dating around age 53/54 and sex has been amazing, including with my current partner. I take vaginal estrogen twice a week and I have no pain with sex at all. I do use extra lube once in a while though or for 'extended' sessions. I have to admit though that I did not have a horrible experience with menopause. My period simply stopped from once month to the next. I never had hot flashes or moodiness, but I did experience sleep disturbances for about a year and a half. I eat healthy, try to keep fit and I recently became a yoga teacher. My outlook on life is positive and I think that women of all ages can have a healthy sex life. Sometimes, the partner makes all the difference. My current partner really takes care of me and makes sure that I'm happy and satisfied and this starts outside the bedroom. Good luck to all the ladies here; you deserve the best!

[Anonymous]

As the saying goes, use it or lose it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Honestly, I think the vast majority of women complaining about a lower sex drive are women who have been with the same man for 20 years. Women simply are NOT wired to be with the same man that long. So many of us who have divorced or stepped outside of our marriages find we are more sexual than ever, and we just cannot bring ourselves to be intimate with our husbands anymore. Women protect themselves from harm in this way. My guess is that you have a really great, emotionally safe husband if that is what you are experiencing.

Could be for a few, but otherwise no; you are wrong about it not being hormonal.

And reduced libido in peri makes logical sense in terms of evolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Honestly, I think the vast majority of women complaining about a lower sex drive are women who have been with the same man for 20 years. Women simply are NOT wired to be with the same man that long. So many of us who have divorced or stepped outside of our marriages find we are more sexual than ever, and we just cannot bring ourselves to be intimate with our husbands anymore. Women protect themselves from harm in this way. My guess is that you have a really great, emotionally safe husband if that is what you are experiencing.

Could be for a few, but otherwise no; you are wrong about it not being hormonal.

And reduced libido in peri makes logical sense in terms of evolution.

From a Darwinian perspective, why would a female be driven to attempt to procreate beyond the probable fertility window?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Honestly, I think the vast majority of women complaining about a lower sex drive are women who have been with the same man for 20 years. Women simply are NOT wired to be with the same man that long. So many of us who have divorced or stepped outside of our marriages find we are more sexual than ever, and we just cannot bring ourselves to be intimate with our husbands anymore. Women protect themselves from harm in this way. My guess is that you have a really great, emotionally safe husband if that is what you are experiencing.

Could be for a few, but otherwise no; you are wrong about it not being hormonal.

And reduced libido in peri makes logical sense in terms of evolution.

Lol, looking forward to you letting us in on your qualifications and the research that youre citing. You probably also argue that it makes biological sense that men are hunters and need to be promiscuous. Time to get out of the stone age of misogynistic science, bruh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Honestly, I think the vast majority of women complaining about a lower sex drive are women who have been with the same man for 20 years. Women simply are NOT wired to be with the same man that long. So many of us who have divorced or stepped outside of our marriages find we are more sexual than ever, and we just cannot bring ourselves to be intimate with our husbands anymore. Women protect themselves from harm in this way. My guess is that you have a really great, emotionally safe husband if that is what you are experiencing.

Could be for a few, but otherwise no; you are wrong about it not being hormonal.

And reduced libido in peri makes logical sense in terms of evolution.

From a Darwinian perspective, why would a female be driven to attempt to procreate beyond the probable fertility window?

Sex has purpose outside of sperm meeting egg. Males and females are bonded to each other through the chemicals released through sex. Are you serious with this garbage question???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Jeff created a special Meno/ peri sub forum. It’s worth at least browsing.

There is a stark and recurring theme there: changes in libido, beginning in peri.

My informal assessment is about 70-80% experience decreasing/ disappearing libido (pay attention to the thread: “absolutely repulsed by thought of intimacy” ).

The lucky few, like you PP, report a steady or increased libido.

Also: the 2 prescription “libido” drugs out there seem like total flops.

In contrast, there are rare doctors who prescribe low-dose testosterone for peri/ menopausal women, for a wide variety of symptom relief (energy, cognitive boost, joint pain, sleep, etc). In the sub forum, T supplementation does seem to boost women’s libido.

Thank you, PP!! I remember seeing this now but had somehow forgotten. And for this tl;dr which was super helpful. Bless you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circle, I’m finding its men’s midlife crisis affairs as the main cause. Sadly know 10 women in this situation

Amen, my DH lost his mind around the age of 50 - literally had a nervous breakdown and left his family.

Things were not perfect for us, but there had been no discussion of discontent. DH announced one day that he was leaving and that was it. I was genuinely concerned it was some sort of nervous breakdown. He wanted a new start.