Divorce related to peri/menopause?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Jeff created a special Meno/ peri sub forum. It’s worth at least browsing.

There is a stark and recurring theme there: changes in libido, beginning in peri.

My informal assessment is about 70-80% experience decreasing/ disappearing libido (pay attention to the thread: “absolutely repulsed by thought of intimacy” ).

The lucky few, like you PP, report a steady or increased libido.

Also: the 2 prescription “libido” drugs out there seem like total flops.

In contrast, there are rare doctors who prescribe low-dose testosterone for peri/ menopausal women, for a wide variety of symptom relief (energy, cognitive boost, joint pain, sleep, etc). In the sub forum, T supplementation does seem to boost women’s libido.

Thank you, PP!! I remember seeing this now but had somehow forgotten. And for this tl;dr which was super helpful. Bless you!

Also, if you read them menopause forum, you would know that vaginal estrogen solves the vaginal atrophy, bleeding and tearing problem during sex. Very, very easy fix.

[Anonymous]

In general, women prioritize happiness and peri/menopause creates dissatisfaction and unhappiness. During those intensely hormonal times for a woman emotions run high and families tend to pay the price. Don’t blame men for not knowing how to support their wives, since women have no idea what they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

Jeff created a special Meno/ peri sub forum. It’s worth at least browsing.

There is a stark and recurring theme there: changes in libido, beginning in peri.

My informal assessment is about 70-80% experience decreasing/ disappearing libido (pay attention to the thread: “absolutely repulsed by thought of intimacy” ).

The lucky few, like you PP, report a steady or increased libido.

Also: the 2 prescription “libido” drugs out there seem like total flops.

In contrast, there are rare doctors who prescribe low-dose testosterone for peri/ menopausal women, for a wide variety of symptom relief (energy, cognitive boost, joint pain, sleep, etc). In the sub forum, T supplementation does seem to boost women’s libido.

Thank you, PP!! I remember seeing this now but had somehow forgotten. And for this tl;dr which was super helpful. Bless you!

Also, if you read them menopause forum, you would know that vaginal estrogen solves the vaginal atrophy, bleeding and tearing problem during sex. Very, very easy fix.

A significant proportion of women, potentially around 50%, experience a decrease in libido during perimenopause and menopause, though some studies suggest up to 75% experience changes in sexual function. This decrease is a common, but not universal, symptom, influenced by declining estrogen and testosterone levels, which can also lead to vaginal dryness and pain, as well as psychological factors like mood changes, fatigue, and body image concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

My wife is peri and sex hasn’t stopped for us. In fact, on mornings that I know we’re going to have sex I’ll accidentally make her coffee extra strong and she’ll wear me out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on. No man makes it through 20 years of marriage only to suddenly suffer a divorce due to mishandling “peri.” He was likely a bad partner well before that and the kids being older gives his wife more ability to leave him. But sure blame it all on the hormones, never heard that one before.

Exactly this.

I dunno. I have friends whose husbands, like you said, aren’t the best partners. But these women picked up the load when younger. Now, they’re older, the kids are older, they aren’t seeing as much of an upside to staying with someone who still isn’t a great partner. And their patience is much lower, given everything going on with their bodies. The husbands are very clueless and aren’t flexible on expectations around sex etc. It has become a deal breaker for a couple friends and I won’t be surprised if more follow in the coming years.

I think a lot of women tell themselves "Maybe he's just not a baby/little kid person, and he'll get more involved as the kids get older." Or, "He's just struggling with the transition because he wasn't around kids when he was younger. He'll grow up soon."

When that doesn't happen, it starts to feel like you started your family with the wrong person. After you've been parenting functionally alone for 12-15 years, you start to wonder what the other person is bringing to the table, exactly.

All of this. Plus if they are lazy or selfish about sex it starts to feel really pointless.