Why do people proselytize their friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a religious person. And this is NOT how I would ever approach this conversation.

But … some things to consider about your own heart before I get to hers …

If she was a Muslim woman and at the end of the conversation spent 5 minutes talking about Allah — or a Hindu woman and spent 5 minutes talking about Samsara — would you have been similarly offended, enough that you post here about it?

Or would you have brushed it off as some strange but ultimately harmless quirky belief that she has?

Next, there are all kinds of presumptions that people make — especially now — about how other people are supposed to vote or think and they make all kinds of comments based on these presumptions, regardless if people actually think this way. They don’t ask. I have an unusual mixture of beliefs and views — some perfectly in line with the status quo in this area and others not — but it never ceases to amaze me at how people just “assume” that you must think a certain way and people make many comments — more than 5 minutes at the end of a conversation — as the basis of the discussion. Many times I just smile and play along because I don’t want to get into it. But, yes, I find I rude and presumptuous. (Recently, I have stopped trying to do the smile and play along thing because I realize it is not being true to myself, and I care less and less what people think of me — but it’s still a hard habit to break).

Note: this is a red state and blue state problem. It’s a blue problem in the DMV. My parents however live in a very red state and it’s equally true there in the other direction (and my views would similarly not be in line with them either in many areas)

Now to get more to your question — religious people do in fact believe that their religion is factually true — otherwise, why believe in it?

I am a Christian. I believe that the Christian story is true as a factual matter. And if you do think it is true as a factual matter and it has changed your life — which it has for me too — then part of you does want to share it with other people. It is akin to finding the cure for cancer. If you felt like you found the cure for cancer, would you be expected to just keep silent about it?

THAT ALL BEING SAID — this is not how I would have approached it. I never ask people this directly because it can have the potential to offend and the opposite of the intended effect — regardless if the person has contradictions and inconsistencies within themselves like the ones I noted above.

Instead, I just try to become a genuine friend to someone. Do the things that friends do. Show care and kindness and empathy. Over a long period of time.

At some point, if you know me long enough, my church will come up in some way — either just as someone who goes to church on Wednesdays and Sundays as an aside and therefore isn’t available to do things on those days/nights, or I will talk about overseas missions trips because that’s what I did in the summer in lieu of a fancy European vacation like so many people in the upper class DMV.

And what I have found is that when I just talk about my own experiences in these ways in the context of a true friendship — and I am not doing the whole awkward, werid, Jesus loves you thing at the end of a walk with someone who doesn’t even really know me — people actually react with curiosity and respect about the role that religion plays in my life.

And then they become more willing to ask me questions — what exactly do you believe? Why? Where do you go to church? And that gives me a voluntary opening to sharing the Gospel. They can take it or leave it then and it is on their terms.

I also hope that as I try to reflect Christian principles in my own life — patience, kindness, love, forgiveness, a lack of fear, anger, worry, and materialism — a certain sense of inner peace and contentment — that other people see these things and are curious about why my life is different from theirs. But I also have found especially in the DMV that this doesn’t always happen because many people WANT to live in a constant cycle of outrage about the news and the world mixed with a strange blend of materialism and concern about what everyone else thinks of them — and when they find people that don’t embody those values at all — they are more confounded than curious. But that’s a subject for another day.

Bottom line: there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it and the way she did it was the wrong way.

But I also think you should consider why it offended you so much and if it was completely fair, for the reasons I stated above.

Let’s not beat around the bush—Christians do this FAR more than Muslims or Hindus. I’ve never had anyone from either of those groups try to convert me. Meanwhile Christians literally knock on my door to tell me the “good news.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their churches encourage this and they are also encouraged to spend time with fellow believers. She probably thought you'd make a good friend and she feels friendship with a non believer isn't an option.
I am practicing Catholic and a friend who joined one of these churches really pulled away from me when she realized I'd never be "saved". It bothers me a lot because we were extremely close friends.

I think these people really don't understand what it means to be a Christian.

The Old Testament says to not be unequally yolked ie, don't hang out or marry non believers. But, Jesus befriended the unbelievers, the sinners. Different ball game.

Unfortunately, too many churches are about being insular, and controlling people's lives.

The reason that believers are not supposed to interact with non believers is that they may see a different point of view and become reprogrammed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their churches encourage this and they are also encouraged to spend time with fellow believers. She probably thought you'd make a good friend and she feels friendship with a non believer isn't an option.
I am practicing Catholic and a friend who joined one of these churches really pulled away from me when she realized I'd never be "saved". It bothers me a lot because we were extremely close friends.

I think these people really don't understand what it means to be a Christian.

The Old Testament says to not be unequally yolked ie, don't hang out or marry non believers. But, Jesus befriended the unbelievers, the sinners. Different ball game.

Unfortunately, too many churches are about being insular, and controlling people's lives.

That was Corinthians in the NEW Testament.

Why are so many Christians so misinformed about their own religion?

https://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/6-14.htm

[Anonymous]

It's just another pyramid scheme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never experienced this with a mom friend, but it's pretty easy to shut them down. Where do you live? That evangelical flavor has got to be pretty rare in DCUM land.

It was very common in Ashburn. It happened at playgrounds, school events, walking in the park. The worst was at my doctor's office when the woman at the front desk wouldn't stop that my family needed to go to her extremist church. She would not stop, the doctor had no problem with it and yes, I'm changing docs. When I lived in FFX there was some weird guy on the trails in Burke Lake Park who approached me more than once when I was on the trails alone with my little kids. I stopped going on the trails because of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live that you know people like this? I feel like I'd know if my kid's friends were super religious and I'd never agree to hang out with them socially.

This has been my experience. The preachiest people I've known are not good people. They often become preachy out of guilt for the horrible things they've done. The most unbearable people I know who constantly preach are dishonest grifters who have no problem stealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ew. It's so arrogant and patronizing. That would be a hard pass for me. I think it's just a very self centered, immature world view. They literally have not considered that you are a fully formed adult who has developed your own beliefs, values and deeply held convictions.

+1

[Anonymous]

Reading the Bible. It’s in there.

If you hate Christians, which it sounds like you do, just avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Went for a walk with a mom from son's friend group. First 90 minutes went great. Last 5 minutes saying goodbye, she asks me if I've accepted Jesus as my lord and savior and starts blasting on about how much god loves me.

Why does anyone ever think this is a good idea. I'm taking the info that this is not a friendship that could go anywhere, but still, feels disheartening for things to seem fine and enjoyable and then get this.

Just programming? Superiority beliefs? Conditioning?

I just wouldnt make waves. People like this dont live in reality. They are projecting their own needs onto you and dont really realize what they are doing. You won't wake them from the matrix. Just let them be.