Why do people proselytize their friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say this,

Let me quote my favorite singer Billy Joel,

And they say there's a heaven for those who will wait
Some say it's better, but I say it ain't
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The sinners are much more fun

Jesus agreed!
He Gets Us.

[Anonymous]

From their perspective, they are trying to save you from from a burning building and give you infinite wealth.


One of the two of you is delusional, and the final reckoning won't uncer until after you are dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From their perspective, they are trying to save you from from a burning building and give you infinite wealth.


One of the two of you is delusional, and the final reckoning won't uncer until after you are dead.

haha very true

[Anonymous]

I finally let a friendship go when it became very clear that the path to heaven, and for our country, was via white Christianity. She really believed that because our founding fathers were white Christians that that was the path we should follow.

[Anonymous]

I find that most people who proselytize to friends and neighbors, especially evangelicals, are almost always closet cases.

[Anonymous]

Last year I had someone do this with me, not a close friend, and what bothered me wasn't what she said but I knew how she felt about minorities, immigrants and gays. She spoke about a loving God, but her love was very limited to white Christians.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live that you know people like this? I feel like I'd know if my kid's friends were super religious and I'd never agree to hang out with them socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a religious person. And this is NOT how I would ever approach this conversation.

But … some things to consider about your own heart before I get to hers …

If she was a Muslim woman and at the end of the conversation spent 5 minutes talking about Allah — or a Hindu woman and spent 5 minutes talking about Samsara — would you have been similarly offended, enough that you post here about it?

Or would you have brushed it off as some strange but ultimately harmless quirky belief that she has?

Next, there are all kinds of presumptions that people make — especially now — about how other people are supposed to vote or think and they make all kinds of comments based on these presumptions, regardless if people actually think this way. They don’t ask. I have an unusual mixture of beliefs and views — some perfectly in line with the status quo in this area and others not — but it never ceases to amaze me at how people just “assume” that you must think a certain way and people make many comments — more than 5 minutes at the end of a conversation — as the basis of the discussion. Many times I just smile and play along because I don’t want to get into it. But, yes, I find I rude and presumptuous. (Recently, I have stopped trying to do the smile and play along thing because I realize it is not being true to myself, and I care less and less what people think of me — but it’s still a hard habit to break).

Note: this is a red state and blue state problem. It’s a blue problem in the DMV. My parents however live in a very red state and it’s equally true there in the other direction (and my views would similarly not be in line with them either in many areas)

Now to get more to your question — religious people do in fact believe that their religion is factually true — otherwise, why believe in it?

I am a Christian. I believe that the Christian story is true as a factual matter. And if you do think it is true as a factual matter and it has changed your life — which it has for me too — then part of you does want to share it with other people. It is akin to finding the cure for cancer. If you felt like you found the cure for cancer, would you be expected to just keep silent about it?

THAT ALL BEING SAID — this is not how I would have approached it. I never ask people this directly because it can have the potential to offend and the opposite of the intended effect — regardless if the person has contradictions and inconsistencies within themselves like the ones I noted above.

Instead, I just try to become a genuine friend to someone. Do the things that friends do. Show care and kindness and empathy. Over a long period of time.

At some point, if you know me long enough, my church will come up in some way — either just as someone who goes to church on Wednesdays and Sundays as an aside and therefore isn’t available to do things on those days/nights, or I will talk about overseas missions trips because that’s what I did in the summer in lieu of a fancy European vacation like so many people in the upper class DMV.

And what I have found is that when I just talk about my own experiences in these ways in the context of a true friendship — and I am not doing the whole awkward, werid, Jesus loves you thing at the end of a walk with someone who doesn’t even really know me — people actually react with curiosity and respect about the role that religion plays in my life.

And then they become more willing to ask me questions — what exactly do you believe? Why? Where do you go to church? And that gives me a voluntary opening to sharing the Gospel. They can take it or leave it then and it is on their terms.

I also hope that as I try to reflect Christian principles in my own life — patience, kindness, love, forgiveness, a lack of fear, anger, worry, and materialism — a certain sense of inner peace and contentment — that other people see these things and are curious about why my life is different from theirs. But I also have found especially in the DMV that this doesn’t always happen because many people WANT to live in a constant cycle of outrage about the news and the world mixed with a strange blend of materialism and concern about what everyone else thinks of them — and when they find people that don’t embody those values at all — they are more confounded than curious. But that’s a subject for another day.

Bottom line: there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it and the way she did it was the wrong way.

But I also think you should consider why it offended you so much and if it was completely fair, for the reasons I stated above.

Your belief I'd your belief and not a fact.

There is no "right" way to proselytize.

[Anonymous]

^^^ *Your belief is your belief

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a religious person. And this is NOT how I would ever approach this conversation.

But … some things to consider about your own heart before I get to hers …

If she was a Muslim woman and at the end of the conversation spent 5 minutes talking about Allah — or a Hindu woman and spent 5 minutes talking about Samsara — would you have been similarly offended, enough that you post here about it?

Or would you have brushed it off as some strange but ultimately harmless quirky belief that she has?

Next, there are all kinds of presumptions that people make — especially now — about how other people are supposed to vote or think and they make all kinds of comments based on these presumptions, regardless if people actually think this way. They don’t ask. I have an unusual mixture of beliefs and views — some perfectly in line with the status quo in this area and others not — but it never ceases to amaze me at how people just “assume” that you must think a certain way and people make many comments — more than 5 minutes at the end of a conversation — as the basis of the discussion. Many times I just smile and play along because I don’t want to get into it. But, yes, I find I rude and presumptuous. (Recently, I have stopped trying to do the smile and play along thing because I realize it is not being true to myself, and I care less and less what people think of me — but it’s still a hard habit to break).

Note: this is a red state and blue state problem. It’s a blue problem in the DMV. My parents however live in a very red state and it’s equally true there in the other direction (and my views would similarly not be in line with them either in many areas)

Now to get more to your question — religious people do in fact believe that their religion is factually true — otherwise, why believe in it?

I am a Christian. I believe that the Christian story is true as a factual matter. And if you do think it is true as a factual matter and it has changed your life — which it has for me too — then part of you does want to share it with other people. It is akin to finding the cure for cancer. If you felt like you found the cure for cancer, would you be expected to just keep silent about it?

THAT ALL BEING SAID — this is not how I would have approached it. I never ask people this directly because it can have the potential to offend and the opposite of the intended effect — regardless if the person has contradictions and inconsistencies within themselves like the ones I noted above.

Instead, I just try to become a genuine friend to someone. Do the things that friends do. Show care and kindness and empathy. Over a long period of time.

At some point, if you know me long enough, my church will come up in some way — either just as someone who goes to church on Wednesdays and Sundays as an aside and therefore isn’t available to do things on those days/nights, or I will talk about overseas missions trips because that’s what I did in the summer in lieu of a fancy European vacation like so many people in the upper class DMV.

And what I have found is that when I just talk about my own experiences in these ways in the context of a true friendship — and I am not doing the whole awkward, werid, Jesus loves you thing at the end of a walk with someone who doesn’t even really know me — people actually react with curiosity and respect about the role that religion plays in my life.

And then they become more willing to ask me questions — what exactly do you believe? Why? Where do you go to church? And that gives me a voluntary opening to sharing the Gospel. They can take it or leave it then and it is on their terms.

I also hope that as I try to reflect Christian principles in my own life — patience, kindness, love, forgiveness, a lack of fear, anger, worry, and materialism — a certain sense of inner peace and contentment — that other people see these things and are curious about why my life is different from theirs. But I also have found especially in the DMV that this doesn’t always happen because many people WANT to live in a constant cycle of outrage about the news and the world mixed with a strange blend of materialism and concern about what everyone else thinks of them — and when they find people that don’t embody those values at all — they are more confounded than curious. But that’s a subject for another day.

Bottom line: there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it and the way she did it was the wrong way.

But I also think you should consider why it offended you so much and if it was completely fair, for the reasons I stated above.

Your belief I'd your belief and not a fact.

There is no "right" way to proselytize.

Religions are based on factual claims that people either believe or do not believe are true.

For Christianity, this is that Jesus was the Son of God and he proved it by raising from the dead 2,000 years ago. This either did or did not happen as a matter of fact. It’s not just a belief. You can come down either way on this, but it is a historic event that either occurred or didn’t occur.

Tim Keller would often say — if Jesus rose from the dead then everything he said matters and if he didn’t rise from the dead, then nothing he said matters. It all comes down to whether it is true as a fact, or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a religious person. And this is NOT how I would ever approach this conversation.

But … some things to consider about your own heart before I get to hers …

If she was a Muslim woman and at the end of the conversation spent 5 minutes talking about Allah — or a Hindu woman and spent 5 minutes talking about Samsara — would you have been similarly offended, enough that you post here about it?

Or would you have brushed it off as some strange but ultimately harmless quirky belief that she has?

Next, there are all kinds of presumptions that people make — especially now — about how other people are supposed to vote or think and they make all kinds of comments based on these presumptions, regardless if people actually think this way. They don’t ask. I have an unusual mixture of beliefs and views — some perfectly in line with the status quo in this area and others not — but it never ceases to amaze me at how people just “assume” that you must think a certain way and people make many comments — more than 5 minutes at the end of a conversation — as the basis of the discussion. Many times I just smile and play along because I don’t want to get into it. But, yes, I find I rude and presumptuous. (Recently, I have stopped trying to do the smile and play along thing because I realize it is not being true to myself, and I care less and less what people think of me — but it’s still a hard habit to break).

Note: this is a red state and blue state problem. It’s a blue problem in the DMV. My parents however live in a very red state and it’s equally true there in the other direction (and my views would similarly not be in line with them either in many areas)

Now to get more to your question — religious people do in fact believe that their religion is factually true — otherwise, why believe in it?

I am a Christian. I believe that the Christian story is true as a factual matter. And if you do think it is true as a factual matter and it has changed your life — which it has for me too — then part of you does want to share it with other people. It is akin to finding the cure for cancer. If you felt like you found the cure for cancer, would you be expected to just keep silent about it?

THAT ALL BEING SAID — this is not how I would have approached it. I never ask people this directly because it can have the potential to offend and the opposite of the intended effect — regardless if the person has contradictions and inconsistencies within themselves like the ones I noted above.

Instead, I just try to become a genuine friend to someone. Do the things that friends do. Show care and kindness and empathy. Over a long period of time.

At some point, if you know me long enough, my church will come up in some way — either just as someone who goes to church on Wednesdays and Sundays as an aside and therefore isn’t available to do things on those days/nights, or I will talk about overseas missions trips because that’s what I did in the summer in lieu of a fancy European vacation like so many people in the upper class DMV.

And what I have found is that when I just talk about my own experiences in these ways in the context of a true friendship — and I am not doing the whole awkward, werid, Jesus loves you thing at the end of a walk with someone who doesn’t even really know me — people actually react with curiosity and respect about the role that religion plays in my life.

And then they become more willing to ask me questions — what exactly do you believe? Why? Where do you go to church? And that gives me a voluntary opening to sharing the Gospel. They can take it or leave it then and it is on their terms.

I also hope that as I try to reflect Christian principles in my own life — patience, kindness, love, forgiveness, a lack of fear, anger, worry, and materialism — a certain sense of inner peace and contentment — that other people see these things and are curious about why my life is different from theirs. But I also have found especially in the DMV that this doesn’t always happen because many people WANT to live in a constant cycle of outrage about the news and the world mixed with a strange blend of materialism and concern about what everyone else thinks of them — and when they find people that don’t embody those values at all — they are more confounded than curious. But that’s a subject for another day.

Bottom line: there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it and the way she did it was the wrong way.

But I also think you should consider why it offended you so much and if it was completely fair, for the reasons I stated above.

You are crazy

X2. PP needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that most people who proselytize to friends and neighbors, especially evangelicals, are almost always closet cases.

Closet cases? Of what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a religious person. And this is NOT how I would ever approach this conversation.

But … some things to consider about your own heart before I get to hers …

If she was a Muslim woman and at the end of the conversation spent 5 minutes talking about Allah — or a Hindu woman and spent 5 minutes talking about Samsara — would you have been similarly offended, enough that you post here about it?

Or would you have brushed it off as some strange but ultimately harmless quirky belief that she has?

Next, there are all kinds of presumptions that people make — especially now — about how other people are supposed to vote or think and they make all kinds of comments based on these presumptions, regardless if people actually think this way. They don’t ask. I have an unusual mixture of beliefs and views — some perfectly in line with the status quo in this area and others not — but it never ceases to amaze me at how people just “assume” that you must think a certain way and people make many comments — more than 5 minutes at the end of a conversation — as the basis of the discussion. Many times I just smile and play along because I don’t want to get into it. But, yes, I find I rude and presumptuous. (Recently, I have stopped trying to do the smile and play along thing because I realize it is not being true to myself, and I care less and less what people think of me — but it’s still a hard habit to break).

Note: this is a red state and blue state problem. It’s a blue problem in the DMV. My parents however live in a very red state and it’s equally true there in the other direction (and my views would similarly not be in line with them either in many areas)

Now to get more to your question — religious people do in fact believe that their religion is factually true — otherwise, why believe in it?

I am a Christian. I believe that the Christian story is true as a factual matter. And if you do think it is true as a factual matter and it has changed your life — which it has for me too — then part of you does want to share it with other people. It is akin to finding the cure for cancer. If you felt like you found the cure for cancer, would you be expected to just keep silent about it?

THAT ALL BEING SAID — this is not how I would have approached it. I never ask people this directly because it can have the potential to offend and the opposite of the intended effect — regardless if the person has contradictions and inconsistencies within themselves like the ones I noted above.

Instead, I just try to become a genuine friend to someone. Do the things that friends do. Show care and kindness and empathy. Over a long period of time.

At some point, if you know me long enough, my church will come up in some way — either just as someone who goes to church on Wednesdays and Sundays as an aside and therefore isn’t available to do things on those days/nights, or I will talk about overseas missions trips because that’s what I did in the summer in lieu of a fancy European vacation like so many people in the upper class DMV.

And what I have found is that when I just talk about my own experiences in these ways in the context of a true friendship — and I am not doing the whole awkward, werid, Jesus loves you thing at the end of a walk with someone who doesn’t even really know me — people actually react with curiosity and respect about the role that religion plays in my life.

And then they become more willing to ask me questions — what exactly do you believe? Why? Where do you go to church? And that gives me a voluntary opening to sharing the Gospel. They can take it or leave it then and it is on their terms.

I also hope that as I try to reflect Christian principles in my own life — patience, kindness, love, forgiveness, a lack of fear, anger, worry, and materialism — a certain sense of inner peace and contentment — that other people see these things and are curious about why my life is different from theirs. But I also have found especially in the DMV that this doesn’t always happen because many people WANT to live in a constant cycle of outrage about the news and the world mixed with a strange blend of materialism and concern about what everyone else thinks of them — and when they find people that don’t embody those values at all — they are more confounded than curious. But that’s a subject for another day.

Bottom line: there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it and the way she did it was the wrong way.

But I also think you should consider why it offended you so much and if it was completely fair, for the reasons I stated above.

Your belief I'd your belief and not a fact.

There is no "right" way to proselytize.

Religions are based on factual claims that people either believe or do not believe are true.

For Christianity, this is that Jesus was the Son of God and he proved it by raising from the dead 2,000 years ago. This either did or did not happen as a matter of fact. It’s not just a belief. You can come down either way on this, but it is a historic event that either occurred or didn’t occur.

Tim Keller would often say — if Jesus rose from the dead then everything he said matters and if he didn’t rise from the dead, then nothing he said matters. It all comes down to whether it is true as a fact, or not.

Okay but Tim Keller didn't rise, so does what Tim said matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say this,

Let me quote my favorite singer Billy Joel,

And they say there's a heaven for those who will wait
Some say it's better, but I say it ain't
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The sinners are much more fun

I would quote an Iris Dement song

I believe in love and live my life accordingly
But I choose to let the mystery be.

[Anonymous]

You can simply nod then agree w/her that yes God does love you.

Then change the topic quickly - - perhaps plan a coffee date or lunch for next time. 😃