I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.

She is complaining and completely drained by the 24/7 cluster feeding. When I helped her yesterday, I watched her feed the baby and the baby almost immediately fell asleep, but then woke up fussy, and fed again. She put the baby down and went to take a nap, baby woke up and I gave it a measurable bottle, it fell asleep for almost two hours, then woke to feed from the boob, and the whole cycle started again.

I would suggest meeting with an IBCLC. Cluster feeding is a thing but usually not at a month. I had a LC who supported "fed is best" and helped me formula supplement in the beginning (early formula supplementation can actually improve breastfeeding outcomes as women don't just give up entirely).

The Breastfeeding Center downtown has some appointment, and IBCLC who comes to your house is also great. Not all lactation consultants are "breast or nothing".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?

My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.

2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?

Pumping =/= nursing. A baby sometimes can't transfer milk from the breast. This is why some women have to exclusively pump.

Could this be what’s happening? She’s pumping quite often because she’s building up a supply before she heads back to work in two weeks. It just seems, honestly, like baby is BFing for comfort and maybe a little milk, but then waking herself up hungry again. She’s completely content after a bottle and sleeps for like two hours.

Oof, she could also be pumping herself into over supply. Baby gets overwhelmed or gets too much foremilk which isn't as fatty.

This.emphasis on over pumping and freezer stashes actually makes breastfeeding worse. I was specifically warned off this by the breastfeeding center downtown.

Sounds like she really needs some help, are you guys downtown?

She is not seeing a LC, as far as I know. You may be on to something. She pumped twice in the time I was there, which was about 4.5 hours, plus fed the baby from the breast three times.

Yes, that's insane. 2 pumps and three feedings in 4.5 hours? If should be 2 nursing at this point. I'd bet she has oversupply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.

She is complaining and completely drained by the 24/7 cluster feeding. When I helped her yesterday, I watched her feed the baby and the baby almost immediately fell asleep, but then woke up fussy, and fed again. She put the baby down and went to take a nap, baby woke up and I gave it a measurable bottle, it fell asleep for almost two hours, then woke to feed from the boob, and the whole cycle started again.

I would suggest meeting with an IBCLC. Cluster feeding is a thing but usually not at a month. I had a LC who supported "fed is best" and helped me formula supplement in the beginning (early formula supplementation can actually improve breastfeeding outcomes as women don't just give up entirely).

The Breastfeeding Center downtown has some appointment, and IBCLC who comes to your house is also great. Not all lactation consultants are "breast or nothing".

What do you think would be the kindest way to suggest this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.

She is complaining and completely drained by the 24/7 cluster feeding. When I helped her yesterday, I watched her feed the baby and the baby almost immediately fell asleep, but then woke up fussy, and fed again. She put the baby down and went to take a nap, baby woke up and I gave it a measurable bottle, it fell asleep for almost two hours, then woke to feed from the boob, and the whole cycle started again.

I would suggest meeting with an IBCLC. Cluster feeding is a thing but usually not at a month. I had a LC who supported "fed is best" and helped me formula supplement in the beginning (early formula supplementation can actually improve breastfeeding outcomes as women don't just give up entirely).

The Breastfeeding Center downtown has some appointment, and IBCLC who comes to your house is also great. Not all lactation consultants are "breast or nothing".

What do you think would be the kindest way to suggest this?

"I see you're getting really stressed with the cluster feeding. I've heard IBCLCs can really help and give you some tips for properly managing pumping when you go back to work. Here's one that would come to your house. I'm just worried about your mental health and I don't think it would hurt to have your baby checked for tongue tie or similar."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.

She is complaining and completely drained by the 24/7 cluster feeding. When I helped her yesterday, I watched her feed the baby and the baby almost immediately fell asleep, but then woke up fussy, and fed again. She put the baby down and went to take a nap, baby woke up and I gave it a measurable bottle, it fell asleep for almost two hours, then woke to feed from the boob, and the whole cycle started again.

I would suggest meeting with an IBCLC. Cluster feeding is a thing but usually not at a month. I had a LC who supported "fed is best" and helped me formula supplement in the beginning (early formula supplementation can actually improve breastfeeding outcomes as women don't just give up entirely).

The Breastfeeding Center downtown has some appointment, and IBCLC who comes to your house is also great. Not all lactation consultants are "breast or nothing".

What do you think would be the kindest way to suggest this?

"I see you're getting really stressed with the cluster feeding. I've heard IBCLCs can really help and give you some tips for properly managing pumping when you go back to work. Here's one that would come to your house. I'm just worried about your mental health and I don't think it would hurt to have your baby checked for tongue tie or similar."

Perfect. Thanks so much!

[Anonymous]

Is the infant going to regular doctor's appointments and is he gaining weight appropriately?

IF I said anything, that's where I'd start, perhaps by asking casually how doctor's appointments are going. Even just asking "how are you liking your pediatrician? do you feel like they are giving you good feedback and advice?"

I would be very cautious about overstepping here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.

She is complaining and completely drained by the 24/7 cluster feeding. When I helped her yesterday, I watched her feed the baby and the baby almost immediately fell asleep, but then woke up fussy, and fed again. She put the baby down and went to take a nap, baby woke up and I gave it a measurable bottle, it fell asleep for almost two hours, then woke to feed from the boob, and the whole cycle started again.

I would suggest meeting with an IBCLC. Cluster feeding is a thing but usually not at a month. I had a LC who supported "fed is best" and helped me formula supplement in the beginning (early formula supplementation can actually improve breastfeeding outcomes as women don't just give up entirely).

The Breastfeeding Center downtown has some appointment, and IBCLC who comes to your house is also great. Not all lactation consultants are "breast or nothing".

What do you think would be the kindest way to suggest this?

"I see you're getting really stressed with the cluster feeding. I've heard IBCLCs can really help and give you some tips for properly managing pumping when you go back to work. Here's one that would come to your house. I'm just worried about your mental health and I don't think it would hurt to have your baby checked for tongue tie or similar."

Adding on "my friend had some trouble in the beginning and she said this was an absolute lifesaver and the LC also helped her figure out pumping when she went back to work. I think this might help you too."

And I can be your unnamed "friend". Without help from a good LC I absolutely would have given up nursing. It took like two visits and she turned everything around. I had PPA and her help also really helped my anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.

She is complaining and completely drained by the 24/7 cluster feeding. When I helped her yesterday, I watched her feed the baby and the baby almost immediately fell asleep, but then woke up fussy, and fed again. She put the baby down and went to take a nap, baby woke up and I gave it a measurable bottle, it fell asleep for almost two hours, then woke to feed from the boob, and the whole cycle started again.

I would suggest meeting with an IBCLC. Cluster feeding is a thing but usually not at a month. I had a LC who supported "fed is best" and helped me formula supplement in the beginning (early formula supplementation can actually improve breastfeeding outcomes as women don't just give up entirely).

The Breastfeeding Center downtown has some appointment, and IBCLC who comes to your house is also great. Not all lactation consultants are "breast or nothing".

What do you think would be the kindest way to suggest this?

"I see you're getting really stressed with the cluster feeding. I've heard IBCLCs can really help and give you some tips for properly managing pumping when you go back to work. Here's one that would come to your house. I'm just worried about your mental health and I don't think it would hurt to have your baby checked for tongue tie or similar."

Adding on "my friend had some trouble in the beginning and she said this was an absolute lifesaver and the LC also helped her figure out pumping when she went back to work. I think this might help you too."

And I can be your unnamed "friend". Without help from a good LC I absolutely would have given up nursing. It took like two visits and she turned everything around. I had PPA and her help also really helped my anxiety.

Thanks, friend 😊

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]My friend had her first baby about a month ago and she’s very anxious about everything. Baby is cluster feeding 24/7, but is immensely fussy between feeds. Baby seems hungry constantly. I asked my friend if she’s sure baby is getting enough at each feed (she falls sleep during each feed) and she said she is because she’s cluster feeding and “eating constantly”.

The thing is, whenever I bottle feed the baby a measurable amount (I’m occasionally helping watch her while mom naps), she seems content and isn’t fussy for an extended period of time, like two hours. Whereas, when she cluster feeds on the breast, she’s waking from sleep and is fussy and rooting again after just a half hour.

I’m wary, but I feel like I need to say something. The thing is, she is already feeling a little inadequate. I don’t think it’s PPD or anything like that, just anxious and nervous. Should I say something, and if so, what?[/quote]

Yes. You have experience that she doesn't have. Help her and help that infs t get the nourishment it needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a relative (possibly mil or sil). No way a friend stays for 4-5 hours in a family with a newborn and check feeding schedule and diaper load

Just because no one would ever want to help you doesn't mean nice people donn't have friends who willingly go the extra mile. I once took my two week vacation to help a friend take care of her dying mother.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can tell just from the your description that this baby is lacking calories, suffering from gas, or anything at all. Medicine is more complex than just jumping to conclusions, OP, otherwise there wouldn't be so many years of medical school, and interns wouldn't work 100 hrs a week.

The mother needs to consult her pediatrician to ensure her child is within the range of normal for weight gain and that there aren't any other issues.

This warrants a pediatric consultant with an actual DOCTOR. Not a lactation consultant, or extra formula bottles right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't think you can tell just from the your description that this baby is lacking calories, suffering from gas, or anything at all. Medicine is more complex than just jumping to conclusions, OP, otherwise there wouldn't be so many years of medical school, and interns wouldn't work 100 hrs a week.

The mother needs to consult her pediatrician to ensure her child is within the range of normal for weight gain and that there aren't any other issues.

This warrants a pediatric consultant with an actual DOCTOR. Not a lactation consultant, or extra formula bottles right away.

This is like saying that you can’t notice that a child *might* have pink eye, or *might* have a cavity, or *might* need glasses, so let based on reasonable educated observations, simply because they didn’t go to med school.

OP made a reasonable observation.

[Anonymous]

Could be so many things. One thing that happened with my babies—they would fall asleep BFing then I would put them down and they wouldn’t stay asleep past the sleep cycle. It’s better to put them down drowsy but awake; but I could never get the hang of it. When baby wakes up crying it’s not because it’s still hungry but because they fell asleep with the comfort of a nipple in their mouth and in mom’s (or someone’s) cozy arms and woke up flat on a crib mattress and no comforting nipple to suck. Look up “negative sleep association” and gentle sleep training.

Also does she use a pacifier? That might help too; though it brings another layer of stress later to remove them.

[Anonymous]

How often has this bay seen the pediatrician? If the baby loses weight, pediatrician usually says to supplement and re-weigh a few days later. Repeat. Baby weight should be an upward trend.

[Anonymous]

Baby