I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?

[Anonymous]

My friend had her first baby about a month ago and she’s very anxious about everything. Baby is cluster feeding 24/7, but is immensely fussy between feeds. Baby seems hungry constantly. I asked my friend if she’s sure baby is getting enough at each feed (she falls sleep during each feed) and she said she is because she’s cluster feeding and “eating constantly”.

The thing is, whenever I bottle feed the baby a measurable amount (I’m occasionally helping watch her while mom naps), she seems content and isn’t fussy for an extended period of time, like two hours. Whereas, when she cluster feeds on the breast, she’s waking from sleep and is fussy and rooting again after just a half hour.

I’m wary, but I feel like I need to say something. The thing is, she is already feeling a little inadequate. I don’t think it’s PPD or anything like that, just anxious and nervous. Should I say something, and if so, what?

[Anonymous]

As someone who had very bad PPD and anxiety, including over feeding, please do. (I realize you don’t think your friend has PPD but it sounds like she is anxious about feeding.) She might be defensive but that’s okay…and conversely she might be just waiting for someone to say I see you working so hard and I want you to know it’s okay to stop. The baby will be brilliant no matter what and your peace of mind matters. For me, I needed to hear it from a psychiatrist - I guess like…a medical professional is someone I could trust when they said just stop, nothing bad will happen. So even though she might not have PPD per se, talking to someone might help if she doesn’t seem receptive to your kind and gentle words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had very bad PPD and anxiety, including over feeding, please do. (I realize you don’t think your friend has PPD but it sounds like she is anxious about feeding.) She might be defensive but that’s okay…and conversely she might be just waiting for someone to say I see you working so hard and I want you to know it’s okay to stop. The baby will be brilliant no matter what and your peace of mind matters. For me, I needed to hear it from a psychiatrist - I guess like…a medical professional is someone I could trust when they said just stop, nothing bad will happen. So even though she might not have PPD per se, talking to someone might help if she doesn’t seem receptive to your kind and gentle words.

I think part of the issue is she works in the medical field and has a lot of opinions based on the hard and fast opinions of her colleagues. I think there may be a little shame there for her because of this if she stops BFing, or some sort of obligation to keep going.

[Anonymous]

How many wet diapers and weight gain ok?
Those two will help you decide to say or not!

[Anonymous]

Please don’t do it. My mil was giving me hell saying the same things you are posting here (the baby was ok only when bottle fed etc). The pediatrician is checking regularly for the baby growth and s/he will address any concern if the baby is not growing properly.
In my case the baby was growing just fine but I had to bring mil to the pediatrician office to reassure her ;she was the one anxious !!)
This was years ago but I still resent how inadequate she made me feel post partum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t do it. My mil was giving me hell saying the same things you are posting here (the baby was ok only when bottle fed etc). The pediatrician is checking regularly for the baby growth and s/he will address any concern if the baby is not growing properly.
In my case the baby was growing just fine but I had to bring mil to the pediatrician office to reassure her ;she was the one anxious !!)
This was years ago but I still resent how inadequate she made me feel post partum

But was your newborn waking from sleep every half hour? Crying uncontrollably, clearly hungry? I have no issues with EBF, but it’s clear this baby isn’t happy. I’m sorry your MIL sucked, mine did too, but this feels different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many wet diapers and weight gain ok?
Those two will help you decide to say or not!

I was there this last and most concerning time and there was only one wet/poopy diaper in 4.5 hours.

[Anonymous]

An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?

[Anonymous]

are you bottle feeding formula or breast milk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?

I never said baby was EBF, clearly I’m feeding it bottles when I’m there. Mom goes back to work soon so yes, baby is bottle fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you bottle feeding formula or breast milk

It’s breast milk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you bottle feeding formula or breast milk

It’s breast milk

yeah but not from a breast. Big difference. I think you're not being real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?

My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, could mom’s pumping (she’s storing for when she goes back to work, and for when others feed) be affecting her actual supply to baby? I feel so bad, it’s like something is constantly on her boob!

[Anonymous]

I think you are a relative (possibly mil or sil). No way a friend stays for 4-5 hours in a family with a newborn and check feeding schedule and diaper load