If you are an obese adult,

[Anonymous]

I didn't get the sense the OP was looking to blame her parents but rather trying to learn habits she could avoid.

This. I thought the post was "forward-looking," as in, "what did your parents do that might have contributed to your obesity -- AND how can I avoid doing that with my own children?"

In that sense, I think this thread is very helpful. I was never an overweight child or adult, but ONLY because I was blessed with a fast metabolism, NOT because I had great eating or exercise habits. As I've approached 40, my metabolism has slowed down and now I DO have to watch what I eat and get enough exercise. My husband is overweight, and I worry about this issue with my kids. His idea of dinner is a big hunk of red meat, a big pile of starch like mashed potatoes, and perhaps one sad little stalk of broccoli that he'll pick at and eat half of. I don't serve meals like that. I try to serve a heaping helping of different vegetables, a small portion of lean protein, and a small healthy carb like brown rice, whole grain pasta, or quinoa.

I didn't learn healthy eating habits as a child (and in fact I learned that candy & sweets were "rewards" and ways to show someone you love them) but I have had to learn these habits as an adult. I think if we can learn from others' experiences and get our kids off on the right foot, then it's helpful to share that information here. No one here seems to be saying "it's my parents' fault I'm obese so I'm not going to do anything about it besides blame them."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, here are a few ideas. The following are examples of habits I grew up with. My mom (a single parent):
-put me to bed with a full bottle of chocolate whole milk and give me the stuff all day whenever I wanted
-gave me unlimited amounts of juice (usually "cranberry" or grape)
-offered unlimited junk food and desserts
-made soda available early and in unlimited amounts
-didn't limit TV watching
-never taught me a sport or physical activity
-didn't feed me breakfast
-picked up a lot of fast food for meals

I was obese early on. By the time I was a teenager, my mother tried bribing me to lose weight (offering things like a new wardrobe if I'd drop x pounds) and made mean comments about my weight. She encouraged fad diets (I can remember going on the "cabbage soup diet" by age 10) and we frequently tried one diet or another. She was slender until around age 50, though she yo yo'd.

I'm this PP. It's interesting that someone mentioned the link between sleep and obesity. I do believe it played a role for me as well. I had a TV in my bedroom as long as I can remember and no real bedtime. I stayed up watching TV very late. By the time I started high school, I was getting perhaps 6 hours of sleep during the week and had a very, very hard time getting up every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, here are a few ideas. The following are examples of habits I grew up with. My mom (a single parent):
-put me to bed with a full bottle of chocolate whole milk and give me the stuff all day whenever I wanted
-gave me unlimited amounts of juice (usually "cranberry" or grape)
-offered unlimited junk food and desserts
-made soda available early and in unlimited amounts
-didn't limit TV watching
-never taught me a sport or physical activity
-didn't feed me breakfast
-picked up a lot of fast food for meals

I was obese early on. By the time I was a teenager, my mother tried bribing me to lose weight (offering things like a new wardrobe if I'd drop x pounds) and made mean comments about my weight. She encouraged fad diets (I can remember going on the "cabbage soup diet" by age 10) and we frequently tried one diet or another. She was slender until around age 50, though she yo yo'd.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry - this SUCKS. For your Mom to basically make you fat and then criticize you for it is really, really abusive. Hope you're able to work through this.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both are and our parents and their attitudes about food could not have been more different. My parents never eat healthy. My father always said he'd rather enjoy life to the fullest even if it meant he died a few years earlier. My mother refused to stock foods in the house that she would not eat... thus when I would ask for things like kiwi, wheat bread, diet coke, or hummus, she would always tell me no. Meals were usually deep fried at home, or fast food. My father owned a restaurant and would bring us home a bedtime snack anytime we wanted it (usually pizza, mozerella sticks, chicken wings). When we were teenagers, my parents tried to limit soda -- get this -- to 4 and later 6 cans a day! My siblings and I were all heavy. Siblings and I have all successfully lost weight. I gained a lot in my last pregnancy and am just now trying to take control over it. My eating habits now are 100x better than they were as a child. Each of my siblings struggles mightily with weight and I suspect we will forever. Weight watchers has been a Godsend to me when I am disciplined enough to work with the plan. I think about food all the time. It sucks. Both my parents are obese.

DH's parents were extremely strict about what he could and could not eat and portion sizes were very limited. For example, lunch would be half a sandwich and half an apple. He had to ask permission before eating (and when we visit their house, we still do). His mother is probably anorexic. She obsesses about food and exercise, is the first to criticize a person for being heavy, would never allow DH even a taste of junk food. DH used to have to hide food. DH was very skinny when he went away to college and gained 50+ pounds his freshman year, and continued to gain for years after that.

We're adults and we are responsible for our own choices now. I don't blame my parents, but I do think my and DH's upbringing has an impact on our weight issues in the present.

[Anonymous]

You know, genetics plays such a big role. My brother has struggled with weight issues on and off for years -- not obesity, just a big build. Has to watch his diet carefully and work out constantly. His wife can eat virtually anything and seems to live on a diet of Sesame Chicken and quesadillas and bacon and french toast.

Apparently there's a gene that allows you to eat fried foods and carbohydrates and not gain weight. Wish we had it, but we don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my house I was forced to finish all my food - even while only a infant I had to finish my bottle. I was put on diets very early - the earlist I can remember I was 8y. The diets were extreme: only grilled meat and veggies cooked on water and salt - no carbs at all. I remember once when my dad was not home and my mom gave me some rice behind his back, and when he got home and found out (through me), he made me eat a huge bowl full of rice until I threw up (I was 8 then.)

When I was 13 I joined WW and was doing great until he decided it was not good enough and put me on a diet of only one glass of lemonade (with sweetner) per day, plus 1 hours of walking in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon - I lost 15 pounds that week, but as soon as he left I gorged on chocolate (it was Easter weekend) and stopped going to WW.

I was chubby but not FAT growing up - that happened in my late teens.

There was no juice e very limited soda in our house. Very little treats such as ice cream, chocolate milk, etc - we never bought those and I would only have them from time to time.

I full intend to not do the same with my child - she is thriving and when she has enough milk or food I don't insist. I will have treats in our house for her to enjoy with moderation and will offer healthy food for her meals: whole grains, veggies, healthy oils, water, milk and such. That is my plan.

Hugs to you. And good for you for intending on doing better for your own daughter.

[Anonymous]

On the other side - to hear things that you could do as positives. My mother (who is from France) would feed us the typical "three meals a day" but lunch was our large meal and dinner was a light meal before bed. Lunch was very large and expansive (until we went to school) and we had two snacks that were always healthy (celery and cream cheese was my favorite). We had candy, but it was for very special occasions and rare

[Anonymous]

My sister is 5'2 and 105 pounds and eats way better than anyone else in my family, I think.

I attribute my weight gain to myself only and terrible eating habits combined with sedentary lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Rather than offer me a healthy snack after school, my grandparents (who picked me up) would give me $5 to go get food anywhere I wanted. The options? Baskin-Robbins, Dairy Queen, Wendys, Burger King. It was like a dream come true to a 7y old - but the effects weren't pretty for a 13y old.

I am still fat.

[Anonymous]

I was chubby when I was little, and it just got out of control in part because I felt so bad about being fat all the time - parents would criticize what I was eating (even fruit - criticisms that grapes were pure sugar, for example). Exercise turned into a punishment - we were disciplined by being made to run up and down the stairs or do jumping jacks; when my mom decided I was too fat, she made me run around the block and my siblings would follow on their bikes and make fun of me. Exercise was really embarrassing and I was really self conscious about it until I grew out of it. I wouldn't run outside until I was in college; I was so self-consciosus.

Now, I lift weights and I run; I'm still not "skinny" but I'm much happier with my body. I have thyroid disease and know that I'll never look like a supermodel, but the feeling of accomplishment I get when I squat a little more than I did last week, do one more rep on the bench press, or set a new distance record for myself is amazing - I'll never forget the first time I ran five miles, and the first time I ran ten miles! I was still probably 15-20 pounds overweight at the time, but I really didn't care; I just cared more about taking care of my body so that I could do more cool things with it!

I had always assumed that I was not naturally athletic, since I was overweight - looking back, I wasn't THAT overweight as a child! Realizing that I did have some athletic ability really helped me turn things around.

So what I wish my parents would have done was to make exercise more fun, and not make it a punishment at all. If instead of criticizing me for my weight and making me run around the block, my mom took a walk with me, I think it would have helped me get on track earlier.

With my kids, I plan to keep healthy food in the house, not force plate-cleaning and not create "taboo" foods - i really don't think there are "bad" foods, but there are "sometimes" foods and "Everyday" foods. I don't work out and eat as healthily as I do just to feel bad for having a cookie every now and then, and I hope to pass this attitutde on to my kids. And I hope to be very physically active with my kids, and use exercise to create happy memories rather than feelings of embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

My parents made terrible comments to me about my weight starting very young. I felt HUGE. I can remember feeling gigantic. I look back at pictures and while I was on the high side of normal, I was no where as large as I felt. It's very sad because I spent so many moments of my childhood and now adulthood hating, absolutely hating how I looked.

[Anonymous]

I have been thin-normal my whole life and my younger sister has been obsese since she was in her early teens. She was overweight to very overweight in highschool and college.

My parents had terrible eating and exercise habits. They both died from weight related complications diabetes and heart disease. The doctors were very clear that they cut decades off their life. I grew up in area of the midwest where physical activity is limited to playing a sport, fast food is everywhere, and many people are overweight to obese.

The big difference between my sister and I was our level of activity. When I was in elementary school and middle school, my mother did not want to drive me anywhere nor did the other mothers. We walked or rode our bikes everywhere. I played lots of sports too. My sister did not like sports and I don't know why but my mom decided to drive her places or she was happy to watch TV.

I went away to a boarding school where students did gain weight the first year but the environment was still healthier than from where I came. We had no options to watch TV and the sports programs were fun. There was no pressure to be good at sports so everyone played. The food was not great so salad and raw vegetables became very appealing when compared to mystery meatloaf. My sister stayed home and did everything she could to get out of PE because it was the traditional humiliating experience unless you were very good. She watched lots of TV and eat the tasty yet incredibly unhealthy food that my mother cooked.

I think that if you want to give your kids a better chance being healthy, then it makes sense to:

*Promote physical activity, not only through sports, but through daily activities like walking when it is an option over driving or freeplay outside in the backyard
*Serve lots of healthy foods and make sugar or junk food a treat
*Limit TV and video games

[Anonymous]

My mother NEEDED me to be fat. She still does. She's highly competitive and it really bothered her when I got married and started a family. Fitness was a significant part of my life and my relationship with DH before the babies came. My mother always treated it as a vain indulgence. She was thin when I was growing up, but is plus size now.

When I was about 7 months pregnant, she asked my husband how "fat ass" was doing. Me.

[Anonymous]

My single mother did her best with offering home cooked, healthy food choices and encouraging exercise but like another posted stated, children can't knock back a few when they are depressed, they head straight for the graham crackers. My father was terminally ill for 7 years and then my grandfather died 2 years later. Food became a way to heal the wounds and ESCAPE. Like still another past poster stated, some kids and adults will always be overweight/ obese because food is the one solace in their miserable lives. Let's face it, it is very difficult to lose weight when you are worried about money or whether you will become unemployed or whether your spouse is going to live another day (or just max out their lifetime coverage and leave you widowed with 100k in medical bills).

[Anonymous]

There are many parents who themselves were "food insecure" as children, who tend to over feed their kids. Never knowing when the next meal will come can affect the way you think.