Mean kid demanding party invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You're not invited because you're mean. Maybe if you were nicer more people would want to invite you to things."

That's terrible advice.

Disagree. It's direct and honest. It lays out the problem and the solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You're not invited because you're mean. Maybe if you were nicer more people would want to invite you to things."

That's terrible advice.

Disagree. It's direct and honest. It lays out the problem and the solution.

It's not your problem to solve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No come back, don't engage and just ignore. Tell your child to say I'm sorry, I did not make the invite list, my parents did and they wanted to keep the party small.

This. “comebacks” don’t help. Truthful statements are all that’s needed and said one time.

[Anonymous]

Scientific studies have shown that the most effective way to shut a bully down is to grab someone nearby and say to them, loud enough so the bully and other can hear, “can you believe XYZ” where XYZ is the thing the bully is doing or what they are saying. Isolating by highlighting publicly, but indirectly, how ridiculous they are is the most consistently effective approach.

In this case “can you believe so and so really thinks he should come to my party after he talked trash about it to everyone?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scientific studies have shown that the most effective way to shut a bully down is to grab someone nearby and say to them, loud enough so the bully and other can hear, “can you believe XYZ” where XYZ is the thing the bully is doing or what they are saying. Isolating by highlighting publicly, but indirectly, how ridiculous they are is the most consistently effective approach.

In this case “can you believe so and so really thinks he should come to my party after he talked trash about it to everyone?”

Who wants their kid grabbed and drawn into this? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scientific studies have shown that the most effective way to shut a bully down is to grab someone nearby and say to them, loud enough so the bully and other can hear, “can you believe XYZ” where XYZ is the thing the bully is doing or what they are saying. Isolating by highlighting publicly, but indirectly, how ridiculous they are is the most consistently effective approach.

In this case “can you believe so and so really thinks he should come to my party after he talked trash about it to everyone?”

Who wants their kid grabbed and drawn into this? No thanks.

Exactly. Leave my kid out! They don’t want to have to go to the inevitable counseling sessions the school will require when kids do this.

[Anonymous]

Keep it short and simple:

“We’re not friends. Why would you want to come?”

“Stop being weird. I said no.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep it short and simple:

“We’re not friends. Why would you want to come?”

“Stop being weird. I said no.”

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scientific studies have shown that the most effective way to shut a bully down is to grab someone nearby and say to them, loud enough so the bully and other can hear, “can you believe XYZ” where XYZ is the thing the bully is doing or what they are saying. Isolating by highlighting publicly, but indirectly, how ridiculous they are is the most consistently effective approach.

In this case “can you believe so and so really thinks he should come to my party after he talked trash about it to everyone?”

Who wants their kid grabbed and drawn into this? No thanks.

And this could easily be twisted (without much work!) to sound like your kid is bullying the other - not inviting him and then humiliating him in front of others about it.

Where is the research on this?

I have heard it is effective to make a bully repeat themselves a few times so he has to say it very loudly so everyone can hear. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid said that at a recent, similar-sized bar mitzvah, which was definitely the party of the year, several kids snuck in as "plus ones" of invited kids. I couldn't believe 13-year-olds would come up with this stuff. The hosts were gracious about it.

What 13 year old is invited with a date? This is not true.

[Anonymous]

This happened with my kid and her 13th birthday party - she was confronted by the class Queen Bee about why she was not invited. She blamed us/space/money and then everyone moved on.

They don't want to come, it's a power play on the part of this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened with my kid and her 13th birthday party - she was confronted by the class Queen Bee about why she was not invited. She blamed us/space/money and then everyone moved on.

They don't want to come, it's a power play on the part of this kid.

This: “Power play”

[Anonymous]

Geez. You don't "come back" on somebody else's 13 year old. You're the adult, OP. Act like it. Comport yourself like an adult. You ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid said that at a recent, similar-sized bar mitzvah, which was definitely the party of the year, several kids snuck in as "plus ones" of invited kids. I couldn't believe 13-year-olds would come up with this stuff. The hosts were gracious about it.

What 13 year old is invited with a date? This is not true.

It's very true. A couple of kids showed up with a "plus one," and the host couldn't really turn them away, as they'd rented a large space, and it was awkward to have these kids getting dropped off in fancy attire, ready to party. Or at least, this is how it was reported by my kid, who had been approached by a girl who wasn't invited and asked him to take her, and he asked me what to do, and I obviously said the invitation is for one!

[Anonymous]

A lot of this is very kid specific. My daughter just walked away when confronted like this, but my daughter is pretty chill and doesn’t get flustered by this kind of nonsense. I would have been fine if she had a snarky response. I like the “this is giving stalker” or “why do you want to come to a party you said was dumb”. I would also be fine if she just blamed us as the parents. You can give your kid options and let them decide.