BFF’s sibling is lighting fires in the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back-
Kid is 10. Yes behavior problems and general anti social behaviors, like inviting kids over and then ignoring them. Not participating in class.
Parents are upset that the school is disciplining
the child in a way they disagree with. They don’t discipline in any meaningful way. Child
Is in therapy.

Yeah that is a lot of red flags. Honestly, I would probably skip visits to their home altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I wouldn't allow sleepovers knowing that.

But I also remember being way too interested in fire as a kid, and I think it's likely that most kids with access to matches have struck them in the house at some point. So the real difference here is that you have confirmation there's a little firebug in residence, not that the sibling is a uniquely deranged individual bound for an asylum or anything.

No - I had a normal interest in fire but this kid has set fires 5-6 times in their bedroom? Child needs way more supervision and ZERO access to matches.

[Anonymous]

OP, I suggest no play dates with this child, if mom is offended by one sided invitiations.

Maybe the kids can get together in a club or activity at a neutral location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back-
Kid is 10. Yes behavior problems and general anti social behaviors, like inviting kids over and then ignoring them. Not participating in class.
Parents are upset that the school is disciplining
the child in a way they disagree with. They don’t discipline in any meaningful way. Child
Is in therapy.

Yeah that is a lot of red flags. Honestly, I would probably skip visits to their home altogether.

+1. Clearly, supervision is lacking.

[Anonymous]

"Play with fire and you will wet the bed" is what older people always told us. We didn't care. Never wet the bed either.

Kids are firebugs. It's usually a phase.

Put them in the backyard camping.

[Anonymous]

I would not let my kid go their house at all until this issue is resolved.

Friend would still be welcome at ours, of course.

[Anonymous]

My kids would never be allowed in that house. Period. Mostly because of the obvious serious safety issue but partly because I don’t want my kids spending more time than necessary with that very disturbed kid. And crazy parents.

[Anonymous]

You are correct about no sleepovers.
But fires just don't occur at night.
My child would not be going to that house period

You can have the friend over to yours.

Too bad if mom is miffed she's raising a future murderer she should worry about that.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why you're judging the mom for suggesting that they light candles together, that is absolutely the right approach to take.

But yes, I would also not allow my child over there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're judging the mom for suggesting that they light candles together, that is absolutely the right approach to take.

But yes, I would also not allow my child over there anymore.

Is it?
I remember reading about Adam Lanza’s mom buying him guns and taking him shooting years before he attacked Sandy Hook.
Not saying this is the same situation, but I’m dubious that encouraging the activity is the right course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're judging the mom for suggesting that they light candles together, that is absolutely the right approach to take.

But yes, I would also not allow my child over there anymore.

Is it?
I remember reading about Adam Lanza’s mom buying him guns and taking him shooting years before he attacked Sandy Hook.
Not saying this is the same situation, but I’m dubious that encouraging the activity is the right course of action.

Wasn't that boy mentally disabled? I'd agree not to give a severely mentally disabled kid weapons or matches.
Don't imagine that's the case with OP's situation though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way I banish a child is I say "For some reason when my child and your child come together, they both encourage each other to make bad decisions, or they are unable to deter each other from making bad decision. I'm not sure why the combination isn't working but I am going to stop their interactions until they can mature a little more."

Do you banish children on a regular basis?

All are banish’d!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back-
Kid is 10. Yes behavior problems and general anti social behaviors, like inviting kids over and then ignoring them. Not participating in class.
Parents are upset that the school is disciplining
the child in a way they disagree with. They don’t discipline in any meaningful way. Child
Is in therapy.

Honestly the school punishments (or any punishments) usually do very little for SN kids (he seems to be one). He is in therapy is what matters.
I’ve dealt with fire fascination in a NT kid similarly to that mom. I taught my kid to light matches safely, we did controlled burning outside, etc etc.
I agree on banning all matches though in this case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're judging the mom for suggesting that they light candles together, that is absolutely the right approach to take.

But yes, I would also not allow my child over there anymore.

I agree with this. I am the PP who taught my kid how to handle fires safely

[Anonymous]

Fire fascination in the absence of other concerning behavior is normal. A parent who says "lol Larlo set another fire in his bedroom, oops" is not responding correctly and that is not a safe situation. I am the parent who let the kids try to make explosives by lighting flour-filled bamboo on fire* in the backyard after they had come up with adequate safety precautions, and I wouldn't let my kid go over there either.

*it didn't work because flour only explodes when there's a lot of air in it, but they didn't know that 😅