BFF’s sibling is lighting fires in the house

[Anonymous]

How is the sibling otherwise? Does he behave at school, have friends, show normal social behavior or is he concerning in other ways too?

[Anonymous]

I played with fire pretty routinely in middle/ early HS ages. In hindsight it was an unwise hobby, but literally I was just bored and killing time in my room (pre-smart phones!). Not a future psychopath. Pretty sure my friends did it too, to some degree. My parents probably didn't know, other than knowing I had candles and incense.

I don't think you're being unreasonable in saying no sleepovers, though. Especially since it's not the friend doing it (where presumably your kid could see and react appropriately to the behavior - tell them to knock it off, leave if they don't, etc) but the sibling who is presumably elsewhere in the house at least during sleeping hours.

[Anonymous]

You should have just said no to sleepovers/visits as it came up without saying why.

I would send them those fire blankets anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. If I understand, you are not allowing your child to sleep over and spend time at that house. I'm in favor of that - sounds like a bad situation. But, I hope that you have your child's friend over to yours still since they are not the pyro.

I think your reaction is correct and hers is not quite dealing with the issue.

FWIW, a girl I went to high school with was doing this same stuff and ended up setting a major fire in her house. Not good at all.

Same. The kid who was lighting fires in the house burned the house down with injuries to one sibling.

[Anonymous]

Parents should get rid of all matches in the home and lock up the lighters. I wouldn't allow any playdates at their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have just said no to sleepovers/visits as it came up without saying why.

I would send them those fire blankets anonymously.

Fire blankets are health hazards. The glass fibers become embedded in your skin.

[Anonymous]

The fire blankets shed fiberglass splinters and must be used with gloves and eye gear to avoid injury. Never throw it over bare skin and avoid rubbing your face or eyes after touching. Funny how those ads neglect to warn you!

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should definitely not do sleepovers.

No, you're not crazy.

No, the mom's not crazy either. She's evaluating risk, you're evaluating risk, you came up with different answers. You can protect your child and say no without judging these parents.

Additionally, I would consider limiting or not doing daytime playdates at their home, too. Factors would include: How often is the sibling home, how old is your kid, is anywhere they play an area of limited egress. If my kid is 10 and they usually play in the living room on the main floor and big brother is often not home anyway, totally do it. If my kid is 5, they often play in the basement with no egress and big brother is always there? That would be a no from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way I banish a child is I say "For some reason when my child and your child come together, they both encourage each other to make bad decisions, or they are unable to deter each other from making bad decision. I'm not sure why the combination isn't working but I am going to stop their interactions until they can mature a little more."

Do you banish children on a regular basis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way I banish a child is I say "For some reason when my child and your child come together, they both encourage each other to make bad decisions, or they are unable to deter each other from making bad decision. I'm not sure why the combination isn't working but I am going to stop their interactions until they can mature a little more."

Do you banish children on a regular basis?

Other than the peculiar use of banish, I agree with you, previous poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers or play dates. Everything at your house.

100% this

[Anonymous]

No going to that house with or without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have just said no to sleepovers/visits as it came up without saying why.

I would send them those fire blankets anonymously.

Fire blankets are health hazards. The glass fibers become embedded in your skin.

Burning to death is also a fire hazard, right? I’d think most people will never use a fire blanket, but if we do need to use one in an emergency we’ll take the glass fibers as the price of a doused fire.

[Anonymous]

Op back-
Kid is 10. Yes behavior problems and general anti social behaviors, like inviting kids over and then ignoring them. Not participating in class.
Parents are upset that the school is disciplining
the child in a way they disagree with. They don’t discipline in any meaningful way. Child
Is in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely no sleepovers or playdates at their house. Fires can spread so quickly. It's not worth risking your child's safety.