S/O How important do you think playdates are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thread about how to communicate that you don't want to do playdates with another family got me thinking about this. Do you think playdates are essential? Somewhat important? Could be skipped altogether?

I will admit I find playdates kind of stressful and don't enjoy doing them. My kid asks for them though so I do them. I'd love to skip it though.

Super important for your child to learn how to get along with and work with others

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid. Not important at all for mine.

[Anonymous]

My 3rd grader doesn't naturally see many kids after school. I'm not mom friends with his main friends and they are all on competitive teams while he's not athletic. So for him, they are important as it's his main way of interacting with kids outside of school. And we rarely have them because of his friends' sports schedules, they seem to play multiple sports each season.

I do agree playdates are a pain to host because like the PP, our cohort expects elaborate or expensive outings.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure how important they are. I made sure to have plenty of play dates for my girls. My kids are both not very social now in their teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant (non-White, non-Christian), and there was zero concept of a "play date" growing up in another country. The neighborhood was teeming with kids of all ages and we all played together. We did not have the guts or smarts to exclude any kid because our mums would give us a thrashing if we put any kid down or exclude any kid. After school, doing homework, resting - we were made to go out to play with other kids in the park. Had to be back once the streetlights were switched on.

When relatives or friends visited my parents - their kids became our guests. We were supposed to make sure to treat them nicely, play with them, ply them with snacks and lemonade, keep them entertained etc. The grown-ups did not think that it was their duty to take care of their kids.

If two kids were playing together - in the park or in your own house - another kid could always invite themself to your house to play and you had to include them and play with them. The only time you could escape playing with someone, or watching over younger kids was when you were studying. If you studied - you were allowed to isolate. But, you had to be studying alone. My mom had no qualms to make me turn off the TV and look after the younger kids of her guests. (BTW - I am guilty of doing that too).

It was only when I came to USA, I found out that people arrange for 1-on-1 playdates and then other kids cannot join because "Sorry, Larlo is on a playdate!" Huh? I find it very fake.

I have hosted many moms at my home. I would make coffee or tea for them and we basically hung out together. Their kids and my kids would play together and we would basically watch them. It was just a bunch of kids playing.

This is how it was pre 1990s. Ask anyone who grew up before then. Since then a whole new parenting philosophy took over where kids and their schedules became highly choreographed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant (non-White, non-Christian), and there was zero concept of a "play date" growing up in another country. The neighborhood was teeming with kids of all ages and we all played together. We did not have the guts or smarts to exclude any kid because our mums would give us a thrashing if we put any kid down or exclude any kid. After school, doing homework, resting - we were made to go out to play with other kids in the park. Had to be back once the streetlights were switched on.

When relatives or friends visited my parents - their kids became our guests. We were supposed to make sure to treat them nicely, play with them, ply them with snacks and lemonade, keep them entertained etc. The grown-ups did not think that it was their duty to take care of their kids.

If two kids were playing together - in the park or in your own house - another kid could always invite themself to your house to play and you had to include them and play with them. The only time you could escape playing with someone, or watching over younger kids was when you were studying. If you studied - you were allowed to isolate. But, you had to be studying alone. My mom had no qualms to make me turn off the TV and look after the younger kids of her guests. (BTW - I am guilty of doing that too).

It was only when I came to USA, I found out that people arrange for 1-on-1 playdates and then other kids cannot join because "Sorry, Larlo is on a playdate!" Huh? I find it very fake.

I have hosted many moms at my home. I would make coffee or tea for them and we basically hung out together. Their kids and my kids would play together and we would basically watch them. It was just a bunch of kids playing.

This is how it was pre 1990s. Ask anyone who grew up before then. Since then a whole new parenting philosophy took over where kids and their schedules became highly choreographed.

I grew up UMC in DC pre 90’s. I invited kids over to my house in pretty much exactly the way my kids do.

[Anonymous]

Considering the number of posts on DCUM about "my teen has no friends, my husband and I have no friends, I can't make friends, etc. yes, I think they are very important for lots of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Important. I have an only and made efforts to make sure other kids are welcomed over to our home often. Now he is in 5th grade and mostly orchestrates his own play dates, and I am always happy to host. I barely interact with the kids when they are over. They are doing their own thing.

Being a little more intentional and hands on in younger ages paves the way for better independent play in older ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant (non-White, non-Christian), and there was zero concept of a "play date" growing up in another country. The neighborhood was teeming with kids of all ages and we all played together. We did not have the guts or smarts to exclude any kid because our mums would give us a thrashing if we put any kid down or exclude any kid. After school, doing homework, resting - we were made to go out to play with other kids in the park. Had to be back once the streetlights were switched on.

When relatives or friends visited my parents - their kids became our guests. We were supposed to make sure to treat them nicely, play with them, ply them with snacks and lemonade, keep them entertained etc. The grown-ups did not think that it was their duty to take care of their kids.

If two kids were playing together - in the park or in your own house - another kid could always invite themself to your house to play and you had to include them and play with them. The only time you could escape playing with someone, or watching over younger kids was when you were studying. If you studied - you were allowed to isolate. But, you had to be studying alone. My mom had no qualms to make me turn off the TV and look after the younger kids of her guests. (BTW - I am guilty of doing that too).

It was only when I came to USA, I found out that people arrange for 1-on-1 playdates and then other kids cannot join because "Sorry, Larlo is on a playdate!" Huh? I find it very fake.

I have hosted many moms at my home. I would make coffee or tea for them and we basically hung out together. Their kids and my kids would play together and we would basically watch them. It was just a bunch of kids playing.

This is how it was pre 1990s. Ask anyone who grew up before then. Since then a whole new parenting philosophy took over where kids and their schedules became highly choreographed.

I grew up UMC in DC pre 90’s. I invited kids over to my house in pretty much exactly the way my kids do.

K. I guess you all buck the trend everyone else sees.

[Anonymous]

I was a stay at home mom and had moms wanting to drop off their kids all the time. I had to start saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused… what you’re saying is that you never want your children to have friends over?

You can have friends without having formal “play dates”

I actually use the term play date for any friend that comes over at an age where I need any involvement. I don’t think play date implies anything other than friend over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant (non-White, non-Christian), and there was zero concept of a "play date" growing up in another country. The neighborhood was teeming with kids of all ages and we all played together. We did not have the guts or smarts to exclude any kid because our mums would give us a thrashing if we put any kid down or exclude any kid. After school, doing homework, resting - we were made to go out to play with other kids in the park. Had to be back once the streetlights were switched on.

When relatives or friends visited my parents - their kids became our guests. We were supposed to make sure to treat them nicely, play with them, ply them with snacks and lemonade, keep them entertained etc. The grown-ups did not think that it was their duty to take care of their kids.

If two kids were playing together - in the park or in your own house - another kid could always invite themself to your house to play and you had to include them and play with them. The only time you could escape playing with someone, or watching over younger kids was when you were studying. If you studied - you were allowed to isolate. But, you had to be studying alone. My mom had no qualms to make me turn off the TV and look after the younger kids of her guests. (BTW - I am guilty of doing that too).

It was only when I came to USA, I found out that people arrange for 1-on-1 playdates and then other kids cannot join because "Sorry, Larlo is on a playdate!" Huh? I find it very fake.

I have hosted many moms at my home. I would make coffee or tea for them and we basically hung out together. Their kids and my kids would play together and we would basically watch them. It was just a bunch of kids playing.

This is how it was pre 1990s. Ask anyone who grew up before then. Since then a whole new parenting philosophy took over where kids and their schedules became highly choreographed.

Yes! This extreme parenting today is GARBAGE and making our youth neurotic messes.

In the 60s and 70s when I grew up, little was structured. We had Scouts and Little League.

But mainly we just played kickball, tag, etc. We were outside, on our own, almost all summer. Learning to work and negotiate with our peers without Mommy hovering.

And we grew up strong and confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused… what you’re saying is that you never want your children to have friends over?

You can have friends without having formal “play dates”

Please explain the difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a stay at home mom and had moms wanting to drop off their kids all the time. I had to start saying no.

I’m a working mom and found the same…. Leaving the kids with my nanny.

I had to make a rule you drop you pay or you also have a play date so my nanny gets a “time off.”

We ended up with 3 very respectful SAHM who created a standard play date schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused… what you’re saying is that you never want your children to have friends over?

You can have friends without having formal “play dates”

Please explain the difference

DP but a play date is planned, like a date. The parents coordinate that at a specific time on a certain date the kids will play together. Maybe at a home or other venue. If a kid knocks on your door to play spontaneously, that is not a play date. Or if your kid runs around outside with other kids because he sees them and decides to join in, that’s also not a play date.