S/O How important do you think playdates are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do play dates but I don’t love it, because they are hard to schedule, 50% of the time someone cancels due to illness or whatever, and also the families in our circle expect elaborate multi-hour play dates with structured activities whereas I’d prefer just a two hour play date drop off exchange. But we soldier on because I think they’re important. I’d much much rather have a strong neighborhood community where kids can just go over each others houses without all the scheduling. Sadly even though we moved to a suburban neighborhood for this reason in part, I never ever see any of the kids playing outside. I think they’re all inside on screens or scheduled activities. It’s really too bad.

OP here and the bolded above is why I find them stressful. I have tried to move towards to more chill version of playdates but you can tell parents (and now kids) expect something more organized. It's standard where I live for playdates to involve a craft activity (with take home craft) and either a meal or an elaborate snack. I find this stressful whether I'm hosting or not, because my kid is also a very picky eater who especially struggles to eat in other people's homes.

wtf? if parents expected this I would never host a playdate. full stop. i’m not a daycare provider-it’s not my job to have structured activities for your kid if they come over to play. And I don’t do crafts. Happy to give the kid whatever art supplies they want but i’m not curating a special craft with them. absolutely not.

dont ever say full stop, FULL STOP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do play dates but I don’t love it, because they are hard to schedule, 50% of the time someone cancels due to illness or whatever, and also the families in our circle expect elaborate multi-hour play dates with structured activities whereas I’d prefer just a two hour play date drop off exchange. But we soldier on because I think they’re important. I’d much much rather have a strong neighborhood community where kids can just go over each others houses without all the scheduling. Sadly even though we moved to a suburban neighborhood for this reason in part, I never ever see any of the kids playing outside. I think they’re all inside on screens or scheduled activities. It’s really too bad.

OP here and the bolded above is why I find them stressful. I have tried to move towards to more chill version of playdates but you can tell parents (and now kids) expect something more organized. It's standard where I live for playdates to involve a craft activity (with take home craft) and either a meal or an elaborate snack. I find this stressful whether I'm hosting or not, because my kid is also a very picky eater who especially struggles to eat in other people's homes.

wtf? if parents expected this I would never host a playdate. full stop. i’m not a daycare provider-it’s not my job to have structured activities for your kid if they come over to play. And I don’t do crafts. Happy to give the kid whatever art supplies they want but i’m not curating a special craft with them. absolutely not.

dont ever say full stop, FULL STOP

because you said so? give me a break. Do you go around telling all the adults exactly how you want them to speak? I can definitely tell how your kid probably is in play dates and why people don’t want them.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very important for kids to have time to build friendships with other kids without adult structure.

For me, the easiest path to that is to invite other kids over to play, or send them to other people's houses to play. Easy-peasy. I saw someone else on the thread who visits a busy playground frequently with her daughter. Also great. I do not think that school and very organized activities (like adult-led sports practices) are adequate. They need time to just play together.

I think it is absolutely off the wall bonkers that people expect planned activities and crafts and stuff. Who has the time and energy for that crap? The best part about having other kids over to play is that they entertain my kids. And having all these crazy expectations would just lead to me having kids over less. But also: That defeats the whole point!! See my very first sentence: Kids just need time to play without adults getting in the way.

Don't bend to pressure, and keep inviting kids over for free play and get out of the way. Families who aren't into that can say no. Sounds like an easy filter to finding your (and your kids') people. And only send your kids to play when they won't be hungry (mornings or right after lunch or something). That way if they want to prepare an elaborate snack and your kid doesn't eat it, no harm no foul. I often have kids over in the morning (10ish to noon ish) and if they're leaving at noon, they don't expect lunch. If a kid says they're hungry you can offer some simple snack, whatever you have.

Your kid needs free play with other kids. You do NOT need to kowtow to other families' weird standards. You do you, find your people. My kids played with four different kids this weekend, no one planned a specific activity for any of them, and they all had a great time.