Just dropped off DS and it hurts so bad

[Anonymous]

I was you two years ago, OP. My son left this morning to head to school for his junior year and while I was sad to see him go (especially knowing that this may have been the last summer he spends with us), there were no tears this time. It does get easier. Sending you best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Time goes on. It stops for no man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat op.

I guess my tears are from knowing things arent really ever going to be the same anymore - the daily dynamics, comings& goings, routine, spontaneous reputoire, etc.

I liked our status quo.

Same. I am not at all “sad” that DS is successfully launching and happy. I feel _loss_ at his absence and the end of an era that I really really really liked.

I acknowledge that there is no correct way to feel here, but I have to say that I do not get at all the people who are SO excited that their children are gone from their day to day lives. (“So thrilled to be empty nesters now!”). (“Really enjoying this empty nest time!”) It’s not as if they couldn’t read a book in peace or take an adults only weekend or dinner or tango class when the kid was, say, a 16 year old junior. So it really does sound like these “Yassss! I’m alone!” people are genuinely thrilled not to be seeing the teens on the regular.

Which is foreign to me - not right or wrong

+3

Not having Dd in my orbit anymore is hard - 24/7/365 for 18 yes is sad for me. I guess I'm grieving that "loss" of daily interactions and our usual familiar routine. We had a good thing going.

And I'm sad also b/c DD will miss it too (and least that's what she admitted between the tears and hugs goodbye). I told her to embrace the new adventure. Saying goodbye is never easy.

[Anonymous]

Feel everyone’s void. Excited and adjusting at the same time.

[Anonymous]

My fluffy grey cat still goes up to my daughter’s door to her room at 6:30am sharp
to wake her up for high school…every day. It was the cat’s “job” for all 4 years of high school. After she went to college, I cried the first few weeks of seeing my cat desperate to find my daughter. Over the breaks, my cat is so excited to see her door open at 6:30am, jump on her bed, and chortle for her to get up. (Kid goes back to sleep after the appropriate amount of petting & chortling back.) I’m going to be crying again soon. She’s an awesome person to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat op.

I guess my tears are from knowing things arent really ever going to be the same anymore - the daily dynamics, comings& goings, routine, spontaneous reputoire, etc.

I liked our status quo.

Same. I am not at all “sad” that DS is successfully launching and happy. I feel _loss_ at his absence and the end of an era that I really really really liked.

I acknowledge that there is no correct way to feel here, but I have to say that I do not get at all the people who are SO excited that their children are gone from their day to day lives. (“So thrilled to be empty nesters now!”). (“Really enjoying this empty nest time!”) It’s not as if they couldn’t read a book in peace or take an adults only weekend or dinner or tango class when the kid was, say, a 16 year old junior. So it really does sound like these “Yassss! I’m alone!” people are genuinely thrilled not to be seeing the teens on the regular.

Which is foreign to me - not right or wrong

I have a rising senior and I feel a touch sad thinking about next year.

But I can understand the everyday joy in empty nesting too. My schedule and daily focus revolves around my children -and I’m the breadwinner. Their every days issues still take a part of my brain. I stop work to check in the evening t and make/eat dinner with them - not at a natural stop point for work. I schedule work travel to coincide with that they are doing. We plan vacations they might like that corresponds to the school year. (Weekends away depend on kids to be sure - everyone thinks their kid won’t throw the party). So sure I can go dinner or tango class, I’m looking forward to flying somewhere fun on a Tuesday in October.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat op.

I guess my tears are from knowing things arent really ever going to be the same anymore - the daily dynamics, comings& goings, routine, spontaneous reputoire, etc.

I liked our status quo.

Same. I am not at all “sad” that DS is successfully launching and happy. I feel _loss_ at his absence and the end of an era that I really really really liked.

I acknowledge that there is no correct way to feel here, but I have to say that I do not get at all the people who are SO excited that their children are gone from their day to day lives. (“So thrilled to be empty nesters now!”). (“Really enjoying this empty nest time!”) It’s not as if they couldn’t read a book in peace or take an adults only weekend or dinner or tango class when the kid was, say, a 16 year old junior. So it really does sound like these “Yassss! I’m alone!” people are genuinely thrilled not to be seeing the teens on the regular.

Which is foreign to me - not right or wrong

I have a rising senior and I feel a touch sad thinking about next year.

But I can understand the everyday joy in empty nesting too. My schedule and daily focus revolves around my children -and I’m the breadwinner. Their every days issues still take a part of my brain. I stop work to check in the evening t and make/eat dinner with them - not at a natural stop point for work. I schedule work travel to coincide with that they are doing. We plan vacations they might like that corresponds to the school year. (Weekends away depend on kids to be sure - everyone thinks their kid won’t throw the party). So sure I can go dinner or tango class, I’m looking forward to flying somewhere fun on a Tuesday in October.

Basically Dinner, tango class, and weekends away are one-offs. They aren’t a fundamental shift away from prioritizing your kids interests/needs before your own.

[Anonymous]

I am grateful to see this post today and read how other folks are handling it or have handled it. Last week as a family of four we flew to our DS's new city for his first year at college. Flying back as a family of three was weird, and I felt like a piece of my heart was scooped out. I just miss my DS, the person who made me a mother.

And it does help to think that I did a good job, raising a young person who is able to live 1,000+ miles away from home and away from everyone he knows to start this new adventure. I haven't done any big, ugly sobbing, which I thought was definitely going to happen. I'm sure part of that is because we have his younger brother at home for four more years, which helps.

I am resisting the urge to text or call our college kid every day. It is hard to go from seeing him every day to figuring out whether I'll even hear from him on a given day.

Beyond this ache and sadness over missing him, I am just so very proud of him and excited for him. My husband and I have raised a smart, independent young person who is ready for this world. And that's something to take comfort in.

Sending good vibes to everyone else who is going through this. It will all be OK!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am grateful to see this post today and read how other folks are handling it or have handled it. Last week as a family of four we flew to our DS's new city for his first year at college. Flying back as a family of three was weird, and I felt like a piece of my heart was scooped out. I just miss my DS, the person who made me a mother.

And it does help to think that I did a good job, raising a young person who is able to live 1,000+ miles away from home and away from everyone he knows to start this new adventure. I haven't done any big, ugly sobbing, which I thought was definitely going to happen. I'm sure part of that is because we have his younger brother at home for four more years, which helps.

I am resisting the urge to text or call our college kid every day. It is hard to go from seeing him every day to figuring out whether I'll even hear from him on a given day.

Beyond this ache and sadness over missing him, I am just so very proud of him and excited for him. My husband and I have raised a smart, independent young person who is ready for this world. And that's something to take comfort in.

Sending good vibes to everyone else who is going through this. It will all be OK!

Well said, PP! And watch for the adjustment in younger son's life as well. It will be different with all eyes on him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat op.

I guess my tears are from knowing things arent really ever going to be the same anymore - the daily dynamics, comings& goings, routine, spontaneous reputoire, etc.

I liked our status quo.

Same. I am not at all “sad” that DS is successfully launching and happy. I feel _loss_ at his absence and the end of an era that I really really really liked.

I acknowledge that there is no correct way to feel here, but I have to say that I do not get at all the people who are SO excited that their children are gone from their day to day lives. (“So thrilled to be empty nesters now!”). (“Really enjoying this empty nest time!”) It’s not as if they couldn’t read a book in peace or take an adults only weekend or dinner or tango class when the kid was, say, a 16 year old junior. So it really does sound like these “Yassss! I’m alone!” people are genuinely thrilled not to be seeing the teens on the regular.

Which is foreign to me - not right or wrong

I have a rising senior and I feel a touch sad thinking about next year.

But I can understand the everyday joy in empty nesting too. My schedule and daily focus revolves around my children -and I’m the breadwinner. Their every days issues still take a part of my brain. I stop work to check in the evening t and make/eat dinner with them - not at a natural stop point for work. I schedule work travel to coincide with that they are doing. We plan vacations they might like that corresponds to the school year. (Weekends away depend on kids to be sure - everyone thinks their kid won’t throw the party). So sure I can go dinner or tango class, I’m looking forward to flying somewhere fun on a Tuesday in October.

+1

I feel like the people who doesn’t understand the degree of freedom that comes with empty nesting probably had a great village while they were parenting. And maybe took it for granted/don’t realize not everyone has that.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the tears for me is that DD was crying too at drop off.

Anybody else's kid sad at the end of move-in day?

[Anonymous]

Same, OP. Same. The one who cried the hardest was his younger sister. We are all happy and excited but we miss him.

[Anonymous]

It will get better, OP.

There are tons of milestones to follow after this. Happiness has to flow to you, so the uncorking has to happen too, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did your job. Don't be sad.

+1

I prefer to think of it as the next part of the wonderful adventure called life. This is what you want them to do---fly, make choices and advance to the next part of life. Be happy they are thriving and exploring the world (a bit farther from home than the first 18 years)

+1 I do not get this thread at all. I was so excited for my kids when I dropped them off. I just got home from dropping off my youngest, and we had such a happy time at drop off. This is so freaking exciting! Not sad. And heck, we are pretty exciting about our empty nest time too!

Besides, they'll probably be back before we know it, lol.

This. I don’t understand all the tears

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me when I dropped my oldest off half way across the country a few years ago. I saw his room when I got home and cried and cried. Which is unusual for me. Then I realized that night that I actually had Covid, which explained a lot.

Anyway I am about to drop my middle off tomorrow and pretty blase. The sadness is about us, not them.

I saw my son’s empty room and cried… what a slob! Also couldn’t place a smell. Just kidding. I miss him.