Filled with hatred for STBX and trying to hide it from the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP mad she not getting paid.

This. ..And probably has to give up her lavish lifestyle and move into a smaller or rental home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP mad she not getting paid.

This. ..And probably has to give up her lavish lifestyle and move into a smaller or rental home

You’d be whining even louder.

[Anonymous]

You should never speak negatively about the children’s dad in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two sides to every story. Maybe op is getting financially screwed or maybe they are actually the entitled one just trying to horde money for themselves

Right. This is where my mind went too. There’s not enough details from OP to know. She’s clearly passionate and upset at STBX. But there are no details as to why things should be split differently financially except that it’s what she wants. Splitting finances is a common process and a decent attorney should be able to let her know whether the a way she think things should work is actually how courts normally divide assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should never speak negatively about the children’s dad in front of them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Do you work full time? Are your salaries comparable? There are formulas and laws. He can’t just steal money from you. He may be still using that money for the kids but more directly, bypassing you. He needs to contribute a share towards the children (as do you) depending on custody. But he doesn’t have to be your personal sugar daddy anymore.

Go read the Kelly Clarkson thread. There are many women do not think the partner with less income should get alimony, child support or half the marital assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should never speak negatively about the children’s dad in front of them.

+1

but to objectively say:
Dad left for mistress
Dad stopped paying any bills
Dad is trying to take the bank account that was solely meant for kids expenses

is all objective information. It does more harm to cover up his secrets and lies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should never speak negatively about the children’s dad in front of them.

+1

but to objectively say:
Dad left for mistress
Dad stopped paying any bills
Dad is trying to take the bank account that was solely meant for kids expenses

is all objective information. It does more harm to cover up his secrets and lies

No. That is not “objective” and is deeply damaging to children. They do not need to know details. Speak from the “I” — “I can’t afford that” covers a lot.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same place OP. It was first fighting over custody and now $. He has lied so much, including to my family and now my relationship with my family is forever ruined.

It is so heavy and dark and I tried to be open about it with friends but very quickly ran into the fact that most married women cannot hold space for something like this. Now I only talk about it with my therapist, my partner and my best friend, and any other divorcees who know what it’s like and have been through their own trauma.

It’s been disheartening because everyone is all #metoo and girl power and then if you are actually in an abusive relationship, everyone kind of shields their eyes. If the XH makes money or is a halfway decent dad, no one cares what he’s done. You are now poorer in their eyes and women always have to do the childcare anyway, so you have no value to them.

But as a result, I’m starting to come out of the disillusionment phase, and am so much stronger, wiser and know who my real friends are. You will get there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, if he's stealing money from his own children and ruining their future, they deserve to know the truth. They can decide their own feelings, but hiding the "why" never works.

I agree with a therapist for yourself to get all these emotions out.

It's not their money to steal. Parents are under no obligation to spend lavishly on their children.

Of course it is. If he’s draining their account to gamble or his OF addiction that’s robbing the children. Stop defending these men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Spoiler .. Your kids probably already know you hate their father.

Came here to type this. Kids know. And you can still keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should never speak negatively about the children’s dad in front of them.

+1

but to objectively say:
Dad left for mistress
Dad stopped paying any bills
Dad is trying to take the bank account that was solely meant for kids expenses

is all objective information. It does more harm to cover up his secrets and lies

No. That is not “objective” and is deeply damaging to children. They do not need to know details. Speak from the “I” — “I can’t afford that” covers a lot.

It is objective, unless you don’t know what that word means. Facts are fine to share with children. How is saying “dad stopped paying the mortgage and moved in with his mistress” not factual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should never speak negatively about the children’s dad in front of them.

+1

but to objectively say:
Dad left for mistress
Dad stopped paying any bills
Dad is trying to take the bank account that was solely meant for kids expenses

is all objective information. It does more harm to cover up his secrets and lies

Saying this is completely self-serving. None of this is for the benefit of the children.

[Anonymous]

I hated my ex but it fades. Just avoid saying what I said to my daughter, that I would not attend her wedding if her father was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should never speak negatively about the children’s dad in front of them.

+1

but to objectively say:
Dad left for mistress
Dad stopped paying any bills
Dad is trying to take the bank account that was solely meant for kids expenses

is all objective information. It does more harm to cover up his secrets and lies

No. That is not “objective” and is deeply damaging to children. They do not need to know details. Speak from the “I” — “I can’t afford that” covers a lot.

It is objective, unless you don’t know what that word means. Facts are fine to share with children. How is saying “dad stopped paying the mortgage and moved in with his mistress” not factual?

I didn’t say it wasn’t factual, I said it wasn’t objective. Children don’t need to hear this. “I can’t afford the mortgage any more” is fine. You don’t need to comment on dad’s “mistress.”