DH is an almond dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not wrong in the sense that homemade food is better than processed food. That said, that level of restriction/control over what the kids eat will backfire in one way or another. Either the kid will go the opposite direction and turn into a junk foodie or will lean into what, frankly, sounds like an eating disorder. The paranoia and upset around letting the kids eat anything that is not on his okay list is the red flag here.

Totally. He sounds very controlling and inflexible. The kids in my class who had chocolate and sodas in their house were not the fat ones. The ones who were deprived and restricted ended up with eating disorders. A snack here or there is fine when a family maintains a generally healthy diet. Your husband sounds worrisome to me.

[Anonymous]

I think the Almond (Parent -usually mom) is a saying after some trash TV show I admit I watched in which a model mother tells her model daughter to eat an almond when she is starving herself if she gets dizzy or something

[Anonymous]

No, he’s too controlling for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

Your parents are really inappropriate. I would tell them flat out "Sneaking the kids food we don't want them to have is not okay. The next time you do this, we're going to leave/ask you to leave, even though it's going to break my heart. This is really important to us - it's not a game, and we don't have to justify our reasons to you. You got to feed your kids the way you wanted, and we get to feed our kids the way we want. Please respect that." And then .... follow through. Get up and walk out and don't respond to texts, calls, etc. for a week. They will throw a fit, and then stop the behavior if they want to see the kids again.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

Your parents are really inappropriate. I would tell them flat out "Sneaking the kids food we don't want them to have is not okay. The next time you do this, we're going to leave/ask you to leave, even though it's going to break my heart. This is really important to us - it's not a game, and we don't have to justify our reasons to you. You got to feed your kids the way you wanted, and we get to feed our kids the way we want. Please respect that." And then .... follow through. Get up and walk out and don't respond to texts, calls, etc. for a week. They will throw a fit, and then stop the behavior if they want to see the kids again.

What a horrible thing to do to your kids, cutting grandparents off for spoiling them.

You will harm them far more than a random candy bar or soda grandpa sneaks to them ever will.

[Anonymous]

He’s right. We only eat home cooked food too.

[Anonymous]

My DH is an almond dad too. And he cooks for all of us. I am a SAHM and I am a lousy housewife as far as cooking is concerned.

I am very grateful to him and my kids have grown up choosing to eat very healthy.

He is also a very chilled and relaxed person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH cooks normal, home cooked meals for our family: chicken parmesan, stuffed peppers, shredded chicken meals, homemade pizza, even burgers. There is always, always a vegetable and maybe a hidden vegetable too (he likes to hide lentils) and the kids drink water or milk. He has zero issue with bread, butter or even dessert once a week. Carbs are okay, as are fats and calories; sugar and processed foods are not okay. Our kids are very adventurous eaters and even like spicy foods. We let them have pizza, juice, and cupcakes at birthday parties.

But DH basically has a heart attack anyone else tries to feed our kids. He goes berserk over anything but water and milk. He goes berserk over things like french fries, garlic bread (the kind you buy in the frozen food section), fast food, tater tots, dessert after every meal. Kids can't order off the kids menu at restaurants if it comes with a free drink. In fact, we rarely eat out because of the food quality being sub par. Both sets of our parents drive us crazy, especially with the juice and dessert, but so does the school meals. Even if we feed our kids breakfast, school is always giving them a free honey bun on their way in the door. On road trips or all day excursions (like to the zoo), DH packs sandwiches for everyone and passes those out. He's also famous for giving our kids nuts when they're hungry (hence the almond dad moniker) or carrot sticks.

WHY is he like this?!? He's been thin his entire life and was a college athlete, even while he eats multiple dinners a night. I'm actually the one who semi had an eating disorder and who has always had to struggle to stay thin. Logically I understand why our kids need the best nutrition that they can and I also agree with him on the importance of kids being in normal body weights to set them up for health later in life. But man, I'm tired you guys. I either have to constantly be yelling at my kids not to eat my parents' food, or dh is constantly upset with the kids and I. We're around my parents a lot and they eat trash food constantly and want to "treat" the kids with trash food too. It's my fault for my parents sneaking my kids a 2nd ice cream bar or letting them drink juice and root beer.

Anyone else have an almond dh?

They will revolt when they are older and gorgeous themselves on the junk they were not allowed as children. Or, become as obsessed as he is, leading to an eating disorder.

This is disordered eating and should be addressed directly by your pediatrician before it effects your children, and their long term health, let alone their relationship with their father, and their mother, who allowed this to happen to them

[Anonymous]

My mom did not allow junk food. She would just not buy it at all. We also never had sweet soda. At restaurants, we all just had tap water. So we kids developed healthy eating habits that have lasted a lifetime. None of us ever gorged on junk food later in life. None of us ever had an eating disorder. Nine of us is overweight. We had dessert, usually ice cream, sometimes Pillsbury slice and bake cookies, once in a long while but not often.

[Anonymous]

None of us is overweight. Phone keyboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This chaotic environment around eating (getting upset at the kids on the grandparents) is going to cause eating disorders and will ultimately do more damage than an occasional juice or cookie.

Strongly disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

You need to tell your parents to cut it out or they cannot be around the kids during eating times. Tell them they can plan a monthly treat for the kids. That’s it. Be firm! I understand why your husband is upset. It would be one thing if your saw your parents twice a year. That he should deal with quietly. But basically every day? Nope.

+1

[Anonymous]

Teaching kids to hide things from you isn’t OK. Whether the thing they are hiding is OK or not, telling kids to keep secrets from parents sets them up to be groomed and abused.

So, while I think your husband is overreacting and setting your kids up for eating problems, that isn’t the big problem here.

I think you and he and your parents need to sit and talk about this, and figure out some kind of compromise where you are all on the same page.

I am also curious because you say they can have treats at special occasions. I wonder if part of the problem is that you and grandparents are seeing visiting grandparents as a special occasion and dad is seeing it as an every day thing. I am fine with my kids eating almost everything out of the house, but when my kids were going to a grandparent out of the house for every day childcare, then it sort of became like eating inside the house — I wanted vegetables and milk etc . . . Same thing on school lunches. I sent something that more or less matched what we ate at home. How often are they eating with grandparents?

[Anonymous]

I think there’s more than one issue here. You can sit your parents down and ask them kindly to refrain from all the junk. Explain you don’t mind occasional treats but that means one serving a visit and if it’s 5x a week and that’s really a concern try to make some of those visits at non-food locations/times. Meet at the park. Have them watch your child’s soccer game or dance class. But I’d pick my battles here and try to find a middle ground.

The other issue is your husbands inflexible rules are harmful and any true medical expert will tell you excessive. He has an eating disorder or another underlying issue.

You’re probably getting different responses here based on the age of people’s own kids. Most of us start off with intentions for a 100% healthy non-processed diet. But most of us learn how unrealistic it is as our kids grow and spend more time out in the world. All you can control is what you buy and serve in your own home. That’s probably 90% of what they eat and that should be good enough. Don’t sweat what happens on the outside. Don’t make foods “bad” because they become overvalued. By the time my kids hit ES, I was stocking “junk” and noticed the friends who came over binged when visiting. My own kids loved fruits and veggies.

[Anonymous]

He's not wrong.