DH is an almond dad

[Anonymous]

DH cooks normal, home cooked meals for our family: chicken parmesan, stuffed peppers, shredded chicken meals, homemade pizza, even burgers. There is always, always a vegetable and maybe a hidden vegetable too (he likes to hide lentils) and the kids drink water or milk. He has zero issue with bread, butter or even dessert once a week. Carbs are okay, as are fats and calories; sugar and processed foods are not okay. Our kids are very adventurous eaters and even like spicy foods. We let them have pizza, juice, and cupcakes at birthday parties.

But DH basically has a heart attack anyone else tries to feed our kids. He goes berserk over anything but water and milk. He goes berserk over things like french fries, garlic bread (the kind you buy in the frozen food section), fast food, tater tots, dessert after every meal. Kids can't order off the kids menu at restaurants if it comes with a free drink. In fact, we rarely eat out because of the food quality being sub par. Both sets of our parents drive us crazy, especially with the juice and dessert, but so does the school meals. Even if we feed our kids breakfast, school is always giving them a free honey bun on their way in the door. On road trips or all day excursions (like to the zoo), DH packs sandwiches for everyone and passes those out. He's also famous for giving our kids nuts when they're hungry (hence the almond dad moniker) or carrot sticks.

WHY is he like this?!? He's been thin his entire life and was a college athlete, even while he eats multiple dinners a night. I'm actually the one who semi had an eating disorder and who has always had to struggle to stay thin. Logically I understand why our kids need the best nutrition that they can and I also agree with him on the importance of kids being in normal body weights to set them up for health later in life. But man, I'm tired you guys. I either have to constantly be yelling at my kids not to eat my parents' food, or dh is constantly upset with the kids and I. We're around my parents a lot and they eat trash food constantly and want to "treat" the kids with trash food too. It's my fault for my parents sneaking my kids a 2nd ice cream bar or letting them drink juice and root beer.

Anyone else have an almond dh?

[Anonymous]

I kind of agree with him. Homemade food is great. Processed stuff is bad.

He should lighten up a bit about others, but his general philosophy about food is good.

[Anonymous]

I think limiting the amount of processed foods is a really good goal. But he either has to come to an agreement with the grandparents about what kinds of foods the kids are allowed to eat or bring/provide food himself. It's great to teach your kids to eat whole foods but not if it comes with a side of modeling yelling at people all the time. I will say I have a lot of sympathy for his frustration with schools keeping kids hopped up on sugar and UPF all the time - what's even worse is the camps that make a point of saying "don't send sweets, don't send anything with red dye, don't send junk" and then feed all of that to the kids every day.

For reference we try to stick to rules somewhat like his, but more relaxed - our kids can eat off the kids menu and have nuggets or frozen pizza a couple of times a month, but things like juice and packaged sweets are only at parties.

[Anonymous]

Garbage food is garbage. Tater tots is not the secret to making it in the NFL.

[Anonymous]

OP here- I definitely side with dh. I see the effects that all the bad food has had on both sets of our parents. But the only way I can get my parents to stop giving my kids juice, soda and dessert would be to gray rock them. No amount of yelling or telling them no works. Packing a meal for my kids doesn't work. They also sneak it to my kids when they think we aren't looking. DH's parents say the same and told me it's their right to spoil their grandkids. And then they give the kids lucky charms cereal before breakfast and dinner.

[Anonymous]

He's not wrong in the sense that homemade food is better than processed food. That said, that level of restriction/control over what the kids eat will backfire in one way or another. Either the kid will go the opposite direction and turn into a junk foodie or will lean into what, frankly, sounds like an eating disorder. The paranoia and upset around letting the kids eat anything that is not on his okay list is the red flag here.

[Anonymous]

He’s right.

[Anonymous]

Limiting processed foods in your own house is fine but being so strict that things are forbidden creates issues later. When your kids are outside of your supervision as they get older they will go crazy for the junk. And if he can’t allow a little flexibility at a restaurant or with the grandparents now then I think his black and white thinking is disordered. My oldest is now 23 and youngest is in HS but all of the doctors and dieticians I have worked with have emphasized that as long as the diet is overall healthy, it’s ok to allow some less healthy foods in. It’s all about moderation. There’s a lot of misinformation on social media. Everyone claims to be an expert when they’re not. I’d ask the pediatrician or a dietitian to weigh in if he’s that inflexible.

[Anonymous]

Because it’s not actually about the food. It’s about control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I definitely side with dh. I see the effects that all the bad food has had on both sets of our parents. But the only way I can get my parents to stop giving my kids juice, soda and dessert would be to gray rock them. No amount of yelling or telling them no works. Packing a meal for my kids doesn't work. They also sneak it to my kids when they think we aren't looking. DH's parents say the same and told me it's their right to spoil their grandkids. And then they give the kids lucky charms cereal before breakfast and dinner.

Lucky Charms once in a while isn’t going to hurt anything. Forbidding them might. Your DH’s eating disorder is a prime example of the damage that can be done.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like his priorities are in order IMO. I think you need to take a hard look at the junk food you seem to approve of.

[Anonymous]

How often do you see the grandparents? If it’s not several times a week, I would really back off and let them eat what the grandparents serve. You want them to have a healthy attitude towards food and acting like grandma is poisoning them with juice is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

My mom banned bacon from me as a child and I crave it so much. He should have recommendations but not orders as they need to make choices for themselves too. It creates a longing that doesn't go away.

[Anonymous]

First, it's great that he's feeding your children healthy meals, OP.

Second, I do agree that he seems to have some sort of anxiety or OCD over losing control.

The fact that he *chooses* to exert that control over food has nothing to do with health. It's part of his intrinsic personality, and that's problematic. If it wasn't food, it would be something else.

I don't know whether he would listen to you if you explained that this isn't about food or health, it's about his need for control. My husband is that way too (not about food), and he is in total denial that he has anxiety, because to him anxiety means feeling fear. He does not understand that in men, anxiety can translate to anger and yelling (which he does).

You could also suggest therapy, but if he sincerely doesn't see his behavior as a problem, it will probably not be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like his priorities are in order IMO. I think you need to take a hard look at the junk food you seem to approve of.

He should create a purity bracelet so the kids will be reminded to keep their bodies pure.