DH is an almond dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree with him. Homemade food is great. Processed stuff is bad.

He should lighten up a bit about others, but his general philosophy about food is good.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

[Anonymous]

Don't plan get-togethers with your parents around food. And, have a mental list of things they can do to "treat" the kids that don't involve food at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like his priorities are in order IMO. I think you need to take a hard look at the junk food you seem to approve of.

He should create a purity bracelet so the kids will be reminded to keep their bodies pure.

Have you always been a creeper or was it a recent onset? Could be dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

Your parents are really inappropriate. I would tell them flat out "Sneaking the kids food we don't want them to have is not okay. The next time you do this, we're going to leave/ask you to leave, even though it's going to break my heart. This is really important to us - it's not a game, and we don't have to justify our reasons to you. You got to feed your kids the way you wanted, and we get to feed our kids the way we want. Please respect that." And then .... follow through. Get up and walk out and don't respond to texts, calls, etc. for a week. They will throw a fit, and then stop the behavior if they want to see the kids again.

[Anonymous]

This chaotic environment around eating (getting upset at the kids on the grandparents) is going to cause eating disorders and will ultimately do more damage than an occasional juice or cookie.

[Anonymous]

My BIL is like this. When my nephew was 11 they started finding hidden stashes of candy in his room. 99% of American kids are eating a much crappier diet than yours, even with the occasional grandparent spoiling. What you are describing is not the reason for our obesity and health issues today. It's hard because you see your parents almost daily, but that is also a gift. I would talk with them and DH about having them do one processed treat a day with your parents, or they can give chocolate milk but no soda. Boundaries are good, but you guys are being excessively controlling on them IMO. If you are talking about health and well being - the benefits of loving and engaged grandparents are so many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

OP, you have been brainwashed by your husband into thinking it’s normal to be irritated that they can’t eat nuts at school because other kids have deathly allergies. They can eat other things and eat nuts at home. This is behavior that needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have an in law problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have an in law problem.

It’s her own parents that she sees 5 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

Your parents are really inappropriate. I would tell them flat out "Sneaking the kids food we don't want them to have is not okay. The next time you do this, we're going to leave/ask you to leave, even though it's going to break my heart. This is really important to us - it's not a game, and we don't have to justify our reasons to you. You got to feed your kids the way you wanted, and we get to feed our kids the way we want. Please respect that." And then .... follow through. Get up and walk out and don't respond to texts, calls, etc. for a week. They will throw a fit, and then stop the behavior if they want to see the kids again.

This is the best advice. If it were 5x/month it might be extreme advice but if they are seeing the kids 5x/week and pulling this it’s not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Limiting processed foods in your own house is fine but being so strict that things are forbidden creates issues later. When your kids are outside of your supervision as they get older they will go crazy for the junk. And if he can’t allow a little flexibility at a restaurant or with the grandparents now then I think his black and white thinking is disordered. My oldest is now 23 and youngest is in HS but all of the doctors and dieticians I have worked with have emphasized that as long as the diet is overall healthy, it’s ok to allow some less healthy foods in. It’s all about moderation. There’s a lot of misinformation on social media. Everyone claims to be an expert when they’re not. I’d ask the pediatrician or a dietitian to weigh in if he’s that inflexible.

Yup. I don’t deny my teen anything and she is able to self monitor her food. Never drinks soda, regularly turns down dessert. But she will also indulge (no eating disorder) She has a friend that cant have any sugar at her house, that comes to our house and goes nuts. She’ll likely gain the freshman 15 or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree with him. Homemade food is great. Processed stuff is bad.

He should lighten up a bit about others, but his general philosophy about food is good.

+1. I guess I want to be an almond dad, but I don't dare go nonlinear about that. DW really just ignores my comments about junk food and requests to please not buy any more junk processed food. I also think dessert should not be at every lunch or dinner.

[Anonymous]

It seems he’s got orthorexia by proxy or something.

I am a lifelong vegetarian, home cooker, clean eater. However, although he’s right that nutrition matters, not being an anxious mess and/or fearing the disapproval of your dad because you got a tater tot on the dl also matters!

In fact, as long as they are getting good healthy food at home i would say (as a veteran parent and a health professional) that it matters more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- He's not controlling about a single other thing in our lives, just the quality of the food. Like I said, he doesn't even care about fats as long as they're "good fats." He's often had trouble gaining weight, so he emphasizes nuts a lot and it annoys him that our kids can't have nuts in school.

We see my parents at least 5x a week. I don't approve of junk food at all, but I'm so sick of fighting everyone. My parents will give my kids opaque cups with straws in front of us and pretend it's water when it's really Sprite or root beer. I'm not ready to cut my parents off, but I would definitely choose dh over them. His parents do the same though and we see them every other week. I think it makes dh feel like he can't "treat" our kids because they've already had their fill of junk and desserts everywhere else. And so he has to be the healthy one since no one else gave them a fruit or vegetable.

You need to tell your parents to cut it out or they cannot be around the kids during eating times. Tell them they can plan a monthly treat for the kids. That’s it. Be firm! I understand why your husband is upset. It would be one thing if your saw your parents twice a year. That he should deal with quietly. But basically every day? Nope.