Yelled at my boss. Now what?

[Anonymous]

You should prepare to be fired. I don’t see how you come back from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.

That’s fine in that context

Doesn't sound that different from OP's situation to me but neither of us have shared every detail. In my case my boss clearly expected an apology, but I was really mad at him, so I did not give it to him. We moved on. I feel a little guilty about it years later because of course nobody deserves to be spoken over or yelled at in the workplace. But I also feel it would not have benefited me to apologize, as I think to him it would have made him feel he was right in being a jerk and he wasn't. It sounds like OP's boss wasn't listening to her and it was a similar situation with me.

I am a woman and a minority. I often face disrespect and occasionally outright abuse in the workplace from my boss and other high level people. It's clear the White men are afforded a level of respect, right from the beginning, that I do not get. I simply do not look like the type of person they expect to be doing my job, though I do it extremely well (as my boss acknowledges). I wish I worked in a place that was more collegial towards women, but I don't. I have to demand the same treatment they give to other people without question, or I get treated worse.

Depends what “he was being a jerk” means. If someone is just slow, annoying, hard to work for, you can’t just flip out on them. The appropriate apology would be, “I’m extremely frustrated with XYZ. I do apologize for the timing and nature of my airing that. But I stand by my feelings.” If someone was being discriminatory, ignorant, crass, etc., then no apology is needed for raising your voice.

That’s not a real apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.

That’s fine in that context

Doesn't sound that different from OP's situation to me but neither of us have shared every detail. In my case my boss clearly expected an apology, but I was really mad at him, so I did not give it to him. We moved on. I feel a little guilty about it years later because of course nobody deserves to be spoken over or yelled at in the workplace. But I also feel it would not have benefited me to apologize, as I think to him it would have made him feel he was right in being a jerk and he wasn't. It sounds like OP's boss wasn't listening to her and it was a similar situation with me.

I am a woman and a minority. I often face disrespect and occasionally outright abuse in the workplace from my boss and other high level people. It's clear the White men are afforded a level of respect, right from the beginning, that I do not get. I simply do not look like the type of person they expect to be doing my job, though I do it extremely well (as my boss acknowledges). I wish I worked in a place that was more collegial towards women, but I don't. I have to demand the same treatment they give to other people without question, or I get treated worse.

Depends what “he was being a jerk” means. If someone is just slow, annoying, hard to work for, you can’t just flip out on them. The appropriate apology would be, “I’m extremely frustrated with XYZ. I do apologize for the timing and nature of my airing that. But I stand by my feelings.” If someone was being discriminatory, ignorant, crass, etc., then no apology is needed for raising your voice.

Well in my case I know at least one of my colleagues spoke to him in my defense and a couple of others I know supported what I was asking for and were perplexed the boss was not already doing it

My point though is that losing your temper with your boss doesn't necessarily mean you'll get fired and I suspect most people suggesting it does, have no experience with this situation. If you are a good employee relied on to produce good work, it will likely blow over and the main consequence is your own embarrassment. Especially if it's an isolated incident. If your boss was already looking to get rid of you then that's a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say "I am sorry that you made me so angry that I had to swear at you. I will try my best to be patient with you in the future. In return, I would ask that you try as hard as you can to not be such an f@@@ing loser".

This is the winner right here!
Did OP ever come back and confirm that he is a man?

[Anonymous]

If you’re not a fed, as you say, I’d start preparing to exit and offer a sincere apology immediately.

If you’re a fed, they won’t do anything unless there were witnesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.

That’s fine in that context

Doesn't sound that different from OP's situation to me but neither of us have shared every detail. In my case my boss clearly expected an apology, but I was really mad at him, so I did not give it to him. We moved on. I feel a little guilty about it years later because of course nobody deserves to be spoken over or yelled at in the workplace. But I also feel it would not have benefited me to apologize, as I think to him it would have made him feel he was right in being a jerk and he wasn't. It sounds like OP's boss wasn't listening to her and it was a similar situation with me.

I am a woman and a minority. I often face disrespect and occasionally outright abuse in the workplace from my boss and other high level people. It's clear the White men are afforded a level of respect, right from the beginning, that I do not get. I simply do not look like the type of person they expect to be doing my job, though I do it extremely well (as my boss acknowledges). I wish I worked in a place that was more collegial towards women, but I don't. I have to demand the same treatment they give to other people without question, or I get treated worse.

Depends what “he was being a jerk” means. If someone is just slow, annoying, hard to work for, you can’t just flip out on them. The appropriate apology would be, “I’m extremely frustrated with XYZ. I do apologize for the timing and nature of my airing that. But I stand by my feelings.” If someone was being discriminatory, ignorant, crass, etc., then no apology is needed for raising your voice.

That’s not a real apology.

Yeah, don't do that. I'm going to assume you still stand by your feelings. Just apologize for what you need to apologize for--going too far, being rude, etc.

I had a direct report apologize with conditions--I stand by my feelings sort of thing. Why bother? You just make them think backnto the disagreement again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess none of you work in finance. We drop the f bomb all the time…but since it’s so common nobody takes it personally.

I work in finance and drop f bomb from time to time, but not directed at specific people. General frustration - yes, glitchy software - yes, humans - no.

[Anonymous]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo-KmOd3i7s

So long...