Reply to Yelled at my boss. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.[/quote]

That’s fine in that context [/quote]

Doesn't sound that different from OP's situation to me but neither of us have shared every detail. In my case my boss clearly expected an apology, but I was really mad at him, so I did not give it to him. We moved on. I feel a little guilty about it years later because of course nobody deserves to be spoken over or yelled at in the workplace. But I also feel it would not have benefited me to apologize, as I think to him it would have made him feel he was right in being a jerk and he wasn't. It sounds like OP's boss wasn't listening to her and it was a similar situation with me.

I am a woman and a minority. I often face disrespect and occasionally outright abuse in the workplace from my boss and other high level people. It's clear the White men are afforded a level of respect, right from the beginning, that I do not get. I simply do not look like the type of person they expect to be doing my job, though I do it extremely well (as my boss acknowledges). I wish I worked in a place that was more collegial towards women, but I don't. I have to demand the same treatment they give to other people without question, or I get treated worse.[/quote]

Depends what “he was being a jerk” means. If someone is just slow, annoying, hard to work for, you can’t just flip out on them. The appropriate apology would be, “I’m extremely frustrated with XYZ. I do apologize for the timing and nature of my airing that. But I stand by my feelings.” If someone was being discriminatory, ignorant, crass, etc., then no apology is needed for raising your voice.[/quote]

That’s not a real apology.  [/quote]
Yeah, don't do that. I'm going to assume you still stand by your feelings. Just apologize for what you need to apologize for--going too far, being rude, etc.

I had a direct report apologize with conditions--I stand by my feelings sort of thing. Why bother? You just make them think backnto the disagreement again.[/quote]

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