Yelled at my boss. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Are you a man? If yes, it’s fine. He’s forgotten about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would open with an apology. I'm so sorry I lost my temper and yelled at you - you absolutely didn't deserve that , and it wasn't professional of me at all. I promise it won't happen again.

Then let them say whatever they want and then move on to work-related issues.

This is really your only option. Be a grown-up and take responsibility for your unprofessional behavior and be sincere when you say it won't happen again (and make sure it doesn't). Be ready to have a calm and constructive conversation about what was frustrating you.

[Anonymous]

I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.

[Anonymous]

Geez, you need to apologize obviously.

I’ve had some super heated work conversations but only with people I respect. And I have never lost control or said anything remotely personal or disrespectful in context of those conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.

That’s fine in that context

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, yelling and dropping f bombs at work is not okay no matter how incompetent someone is. You need to totally drop the “but I was right” attitude and go into the meeting in full apology mode and not try to defend yourself or bring up whatever he did to offend you other than to say “I know I was 100% in the wrong and would appreciate your help figuring out how to best raise issues more constructively in the future” and act like you mean it.

The big boss where I work does this all the time. I dream of quitting daily.

[Anonymous]

Other posters have this entertaining idea that morality and courtesy come into it. They don't.

All that matters is whether you think your boss will respect you more if you apologize, or if you don't. Most workplaces do not tolerate women who yell and curse, and that's just a fact of life. Some workplaces tolerate men who do the same.

So with your knowledge of your boss, decide on your conduct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other posters have this entertaining idea that morality and courtesy come into it. They don't.

All that matters is whether you think your boss will respect you more if you apologize, or if you don't. Most workplaces do not tolerate women who yell and curse, and that's just a fact of life. Some workplaces tolerate men who do the same.

So with your knowledge of your boss, decide on your conduct.

Ha. These are the moments I understand why the Right freaks out about the threat of modernity. Yelling at people and dropping f bombs has nothing to do with morality or courtesy. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other posters have this entertaining idea that morality and courtesy come into it. They don't.

All that matters is whether you think your boss will respect you more if you apologize, or if you don't. Most workplaces do not tolerate women who yell and curse, and that's just a fact of life. Some workplaces tolerate men who do the same.

So with your knowledge of your boss, decide on your conduct.

I mean sure, if you don’t hold yourself accountable to any standard of behavior than feel free to make whatever calculation you want to make that suits you, I guess? Personally I feel like jobs come and go, I care much more how I feel about myself than how a boss feels about me.

[Anonymous]

Retire already. I bet you made enough money to just chill starting today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.

That’s fine in that context

Doesn't sound that different from OP's situation to me but neither of us have shared every detail. In my case my boss clearly expected an apology, but I was really mad at him, so I did not give it to him. We moved on. I feel a little guilty about it years later because of course nobody deserves to be spoken over or yelled at in the workplace. But I also feel it would not have benefited me to apologize, as I think to him it would have made him feel he was right in being a jerk and he wasn't. It sounds like OP's boss wasn't listening to her and it was a similar situation with me.

I am a woman and a minority. I often face disrespect and occasionally outright abuse in the workplace from my boss and other high level people. It's clear the White men are afforded a level of respect, right from the beginning, that I do not get. I simply do not look like the type of person they expect to be doing my job, though I do it extremely well (as my boss acknowledges). I wish I worked in a place that was more collegial towards women, but I don't. I have to demand the same treatment they give to other people without question, or I get treated worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would open with an apology. I'm so sorry I lost my temper and yelled at you - you absolutely didn't deserve that , and it wasn't professional of me at all. I promise it won't happen again.

Then let them say whatever they want and then move on to work-related issues.

+1 You'll be lucky if he doesn't write you up to HR for a hostile workplace environment. Your boss may be an idiot, whatever, but swearing at your coworkers is a no, no, in almost every workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost it with my boss once. I didn't curse but I interrupted him and raised my voice. One time in over a decade. I never apologized. He was being a jerk. He still promoted me a few years later but I should have left because he is even more of a jerk now.

That’s fine in that context

Doesn't sound that different from OP's situation to me but neither of us have shared every detail. In my case my boss clearly expected an apology, but I was really mad at him, so I did not give it to him. We moved on. I feel a little guilty about it years later because of course nobody deserves to be spoken over or yelled at in the workplace. But I also feel it would not have benefited me to apologize, as I think to him it would have made him feel he was right in being a jerk and he wasn't. It sounds like OP's boss wasn't listening to her and it was a similar situation with me.

I am a woman and a minority. I often face disrespect and occasionally outright abuse in the workplace from my boss and other high level people. It's clear the White men are afforded a level of respect, right from the beginning, that I do not get. I simply do not look like the type of person they expect to be doing my job, though I do it extremely well (as my boss acknowledges). I wish I worked in a place that was more collegial towards women, but I don't. I have to demand the same treatment they give to other people without question, or I get treated worse.

Depends what “he was being a jerk” means. If someone is just slow, annoying, hard to work for, you can’t just flip out on them. The appropriate apology would be, “I’m extremely frustrated with XYZ. I do apologize for the timing and nature of my airing that. But I stand by my feelings.” If someone was being discriminatory, ignorant, crass, etc., then no apology is needed for raising your voice.

[Anonymous]

Op, a simple inperson apology. "I'm sorry for my behavior."

The less said about the exchange the better.

[Anonymous]

I would say "I am sorry that you made me so angry that I had to swear at you. I will try my best to be patient with you in the future. In return, I would ask that you try as hard as you can to not be such an f@@@ing loser".