Teaching your kids how to drink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are preschoolers and I guess I'm "teaching" them to drink now, in that they know that alcohol is for grownups only, and that they see us never have more than one or two drinks, and usually in social occasions (like when we have friends or family for dinner or a party).

I'll start letting them have tastes probably around 12 (as my dad did) and their own drink once they seem to be done growing, around 15-17. With us, at home only.

Oh, and I'll also teach them the key things in high school:

1) Never drive drunk or get in the car with someone drunk.
2) Mom will always come and get you, just call.
3) Tell the police nothing. Tell the paramedics everything.
4) Never get drunk around people you don't know well or trust. You don't know anyone that well your first semester of college, so keep it to a beer or two. Wait until you have real friends you've known and bonded with for a few months and trust if you want to experiment with drinking more. And then look out for each other!
5) Watch your drink.

Please be trolling. Your third point makes you sound like a gang leader with a heart of gold. I have been raising my kids with age appropriate lessons. As to drinking, the legal age is 21, we have alcoholics on both sides (my kids have seen some of them ruin gatherings), I will not allow, enable or approve any underage drinking, etc, etc.

PP here. I can understand your position on not allowing, enabling or approving any underage drinking. It's not the path I will take, and it's not the path my parents took, but I get it.

But what's your problem with "Tell the police nothing. Tell the paramedics everything."? That's excellent advice, in all circumstances, not just around drinking. You should ABSOLUTELY tell your kids to tell the police nothing. I'm sorry, but unless you're in immediate physical danger, the police aren't your friends, and they're not there to help you. They will also lie right to your face to get you to confess to a crime. My friend's brother was arrested for public intoxication (out by the frats at his college) and the police did their "if you just tell us what happened we can help you" and he did and they threw the book at him. And by the time his parents found out, it was too late to do much. He didn't do jail time or anything, but tons of community service, and probation and it's on his record, which was avoidable if instead of telling the police the truth, he'd just said "I want to talk to my parents and I want a lawyer."

Consequences also would have been avoided if he wasn’t publicly intoxicated.

Let’s not pretend here. That wasn’t the officers’ fault.

Sure. But the question here is about advice and teaching your kid. Teach your kid not to be publicly intoxicated and generally not to break any laws. Excellent. But, whether you've done anything illegal or not, once you're arrested? The best advice for your kid is still "say nothing, ask to speak to us or a lawyer."

Sure… and that’s entirely different than the original “the police are not there to help you” and they will “lie to your face” to force a confession.

Teaching them to seek parental/legal guidance is entirely different than teaching them that all police are evil. It’s that type of hyperbolic language that will keep them from calling the police when they’re in physical danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s unreasonable. The kids I worry about most are those like my own—not big partiers at all, but a little shy and reserved, and lacking a rich social life in high school. These are the kids who can go a little crazy when they leave home and realize that alcohol makes it easy to talk to people and feel like they’re having fun. It is fun at first, but it can get dangerous quickly if they don’t know when they’ve crossed a line.

This just isn't true. The facts say the big partiers the kids whose parents taught them to drink in high school are the big partiers in college and also the ones with issues with alcohol later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We let our 16 year old drink when he’s with us. Flame away.

Older kids are 20 and 22 and in college or just out of.

We did the same. Older kid now 20 in college. I can't stop them from drinking, but we have discussed in depth not to drink and drive, get in the car of anyone who is driving, drink till you blackout. And watch your drink for roofies.

DH is from the UK, so they have a different mindset about drinking.

Yes and 99% of the UK is alcoholics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We let our 16 year old drink when he’s with us. Flame away.

Older kids are 20 and 22 and in college or just out of.

Do you let them get blown on the living room sofa too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s unreasonable. The kids I worry about most are those like my own—not big partiers at all, but a little shy and reserved, and lacking a rich social life in high school. These are the kids who can go a little crazy when they leave home and realize that alcohol makes it easy to talk to people and feel like they’re having fun. It is fun at first, but it can get dangerous quickly if they don’t know when they’ve crossed a line.

This just isn't true. The facts say the big partiers the kids whose parents taught them to drink in high school are the big partiers in college and also the ones with issues with alcohol later

PP here and it was true for me. My parents hardly ever drank—never ever at home—and I didn’t drink in high school. Got to college and everyone was drinking heavily so I did, too. I’m naturally very reserved and college was rough socially—I started to get blackout drunk on a semi regular basis. I cringe thinking about some of the insane situations I got myself into (the ones I can remember).

[Anonymous]

I'm not from the US. We have given sips of alcohol to our kids since they were little. They have watched relatives drink wine and spirits during family get togethers. They are now teens and young adults in college and have no liking for alcohol. But even if they did, I hope we showed them that drinking happens only in moderation. And careful with potentially spiked drinks.

[Anonymous]

DH is in AA 10+ years now, and I never did AA but stopped drinking 7+ years ago. Too many problems with drinking. Alcoholism runs in both sides of our families.

That said, I agree with teaching kids how and when to drink. My first experience drinking regularly was in college at a hard party school, and if I’d talked to my parents more openly about drinking, it might have changed things and how hard I went at first.

We have two teens, but our kids haven’t seen is drink since they were little. I’m not naive enough to think they will never drink, so I want them to know they can go easy and take extra care if they decide to drink because of our family history.

My 18 year old college kid takes Ubers home sometimes, presumably when he’s been drinking. Or, sleeps over a friends house. Main thing is they are bit driving drunk, and they are too much of a health nut anyway to get regularly wasted.

I also take openly with them about how I used to use alcohol to relieve my stress, unsuccessfully or with great regret the next day, and now what helps is sleep, exercise, and antidepressant and not giving a $hit what other people think anymore. 😎

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What age do you teach your kids how to drink? Is it a good idea? If they are going to college how to tell them when is enough?

10 to 18 y/o is when you gradually teach them, so that when they are adults they know how to appreciate good stuff and avoid the junk, and not overdo it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We let our 16 year old drink when he’s with us. Flame away.

Older kids are 20 and 22 and in college or just out of.

We did the same. Older kid now 20 in college. I can't stop them from drinking, but we have discussed in depth not to drink and drive, get in the car of anyone who is driving, drink till you blackout. And watch your drink for roofies.

DH is from the UK, so they have a different mindset about drinking.

Yes and 99% of the UK is alcoholics

He's not, though, and neither are his family. And you are fooling yourself if you think your kid won't drink in college. Better to have them know their limits at home rather than at a party.

Also the UK has less issues with drunk driving than the US does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We let our 16 year old drink when he’s with us. Flame away.

Older kids are 20 and 22 and in college or just out of.

Do you let them get blown on the living room sofa too?

dp.. take that stick out of your a$$. Drinking some wine at 16 is nowhere near letting them do drugs or encouraging them to have sex.

My kid will probably drink in college, but they stay away from drugs. They told me that they've been offered it but they have no interest in it.

I don't let my kids have sex under my roof because that has a lot more consequences than them drinking some alcohol at 16 under my roof.

Both my 17 and 20 year olds have had wine, champagne and hard cider at home. My 20 yr old drinks in college. There's no way I was going to stop it, but they are honest with me about drinking.

You are the type whose kids don't tell you anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We let our 16 year old drink when he’s with us. Flame away.

Older kids are 20 and 22 and in college or just out of.

Do you let them get blown on the living room sofa too?

Don’t be silly. We just bought that sofa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are preschoolers and I guess I'm "teaching" them to drink now, in that they know that alcohol is for grownups only, and that they see us never have more than one or two drinks, and usually in social occasions (like when we have friends or family for dinner or a party).

I'll start letting them have tastes probably around 12 (as my dad did) and their own drink once they seem to be done growing, around 15-17. With us, at home only.

Their brains will still be developing for another 8-10 years, but the important thing is that they’ll be as tall as possible. 😂

“…a sizable body of research links the early initiation of alcohol use to unsafe alcohol-related behaviors.5 In general, underage drinking can lead adolescents to make poor decisions and engage in potentially harmful behavior (e.g., drinking and driving, unsafe sexual behavior, and other substance use) that can result in a range of negative consequences, such as injuries, sexual assaults, and even death.”

“More and more research suggests that drinking alcohol in adolescence may have significant effects on brain function. The earlier people start drinking alcohol, the more likely they are to experience a measurable impact on cognitive functions, memory, and school performance over time—perhaps even into adulthood.12,13”

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/alcohol-and-adolescent-brain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We let our 16 year old drink when he’s with us. Flame away.

Older kids are 20 and 22 and in college or just out of.

Do you let them get blown on the living room sofa too?

Don’t be silly. We just bought that sofa

Better crotch errr, I mean Scotchguard it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are preschoolers and I guess I'm "teaching" them to drink now, in that they know that alcohol is for grownups only, and that they see us never have more than one or two drinks, and usually in social occasions (like when we have friends or family for dinner or a party).

I'll start letting them have tastes probably around 12 (as my dad did) and their own drink once they seem to be done growing, around 15-17. With us, at home only.

Oh, and I'll also teach them the key things in high school:

1) Never drive drunk or get in the car with someone drunk.
2) Mom will always come and get you, just call.
3) Tell the police nothing. Tell the paramedics everything.
4) Never get drunk around people you don't know well or trust. You don't know anyone that well your first semester of college, so keep it to a beer or two. Wait until you have real friends you've known and bonded with for a few months and trust if you want to experiment with drinking more. And then look out for each other!
5) Watch your drink.

Please be trolling. Your third point makes you sound like a gang leader with a heart of gold. I have been raising my kids with age appropriate lessons. As to drinking, the legal age is 21, we have alcoholics on both sides (my kids have seen some of them ruin gatherings), I will not allow, enable or approve any underage drinking, etc, etc.

PP here. I can understand your position on not allowing, enabling or approving any underage drinking. It's not the path I will take, and it's not the path my parents took, but I get it.

But what's your problem with "Tell the police nothing. Tell the paramedics everything."? That's excellent advice, in all circumstances, not just around drinking. You should ABSOLUTELY tell your kids to tell the police nothing. I'm sorry, but unless you're in immediate physical danger, the police aren't your friends, and they're not there to help you. They will also lie right to your face to get you to confess to a crime. My friend's brother was arrested for public intoxication (out by the frats at his college) and the police did their "if you just tell us what happened we can help you" and he did and they threw the book at him. And by the time his parents found out, it was too late to do much. He didn't do jail time or anything, but tons of community service, and probation and it's on his record, which was avoidable if instead of telling the police the truth, he'd just said "I want to talk to my parents and I want a lawyer."

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What age do you teach your kids how to drink? Is it a good idea? If they are going to college how to tell them when is enough?

Either study myth shattering UK Biobank study or listen to Stanford professor Andrew Huberman's podcast about alcohol consumption and decide for yourself if you want to get your kids learn to consume this toxin or not.