Husband says we have no “village”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does he think relationships are formed? Typical narcissistically disordered thinking that he shouldn't have to put any work in to et results, that everyone should just magically know what a great guy he is and invite him. You need to have a Come to Jesus with him. I was married to someone like this. They're exhausting. And also, his zero-effort will start to impact you as well. People will stop inviting you.

This is my FIL - complete narcissist (and an ahole) - with zero understanding as to why no one wants to be around him, because he thinks he's the greatest thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:…but doesn’t want to take the effort to build one and I’m fresh out of ideas. Has anyone successfully navigated this?

He does golf regularly and often travels to tournaments (with my blessing). He is uninterested in joining a church, volunteering with our kids’ sports, attending birthday parties, or taking their friends to an activity. He grumbles that we had no one to spend the Fourth of July with. Complains that people never invite us over or out to events.

Our kids are late elementary age. I am somewhat close to several moms and our children have many friends. I really worked to form these bonds by inviting frequently. He is uninterested in hanging with their husbands so our families never get together. The problem? He finds weekends and breaks daunting if I don’t have a plan in place or if the kids are home (they are late elementary age).

My family isn’t local but manages to help somewhat regularly with childcare, cooking, etc. His family is closer but uninterested. He does get regular breaks by going to the gym most days of the week, and I handle all of the cleaning and little house tasks. He works from home two days/week. What are we missing here?

Put those two things in front of him and say do you see how the first one is directly caused by the second one? You don't want to hang out with people...so people don't invite you to hang out with them. You're made we had no invitations for the 4th...but you would have said no had we been invited.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a complete DOWNER.
Ugh..

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he doesn't so much want friends as he copes poorly with unstructured parenting time.

Or his social skills are poor so he wants the superficial small talk because he can't handle anything deeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand men who think golf is a real hobby. I was once invited to play golf, it was so boring the men who spend too much time golfing are weird as f**k. Go do something more fun, basketball, motorcycling, hiking, skydiving etc

"Stop enjoying yourself wrong! I will tell you the correct way to enjoy yourself!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why is he uninterested in hanging out with your friends husbands?

Why WOULD he be interested? He’s supposed to be buddies with these guys just because they all have Y chromosomes? 🙄

I hate having to pretend to GAF about the husbands of DWs friends. I have my own friends.

Uh, because he doesn't have his own friends (at least that are willing to spend time with his kids) and seems to want a villiage. Other parents may be good canidates to get to know to see if you could be actual friends... If he didn't have an issue with how the social life was going, then yeah, he can continue to not want to meet other new people.

Uh, if he doesn't have his own friends it's because he doesn't want to. Trying to shove artificial friends down his throat isn't going to solve that "problem" (which isn't a problem if he's an introvert and DNGAF about "meeting new people").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a taker with main character syndrome.

+1 he sounds like he needs a mommy to engineer his social engagements. WTF