If your child isn't a texter/caller, how did that work out once they left for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

I'm a parent and I wouldn't agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling him his allowance is conditioned on FaceTime call once per week. This is sooooo crucial to maintain a regular conversation with him.

This. And now that eldest is graduated at least 2 x a month (but she txts in between)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

A lot of parents expect their kids to fulfill their need for communications when in the last 3 to 5yrs made no effort to communicate in kids terms.
Parents need to learn what their kids like and dont like and get involved early. Dont wait until they are seniors and freak out about it.
Download snap and use it with them. This is their number one app for communication. Go head and use instagram to send and receive stupid videos that your kids are sending. Comment on them. Don’t bury your head in the sand and pretend they will want to use Text messages to call mom…..

This +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I find that realy strange, and to me it has nothing to do with "requires a lot of trust between parent/kid." - to me, it requires really poor boundaries between parent and child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I can see that it works in limited circumstances. That DC has a single bed dorm, so it does not extend to any public area. The single bed dorm is a completely private domain.

The arrangement is mutually consensual. Both parties happily agree to it.

That DC has the complete control over the cam. That DC decides when to turn on and off.

In this case, the indoor cam functions as a FaceTime phone. The only difference is that the parties don’t bother to talk when it’s on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I can see that it works in limited circumstances. That DC has a single bed dorm, so it does not extend to any public area. The single bed dorm is a completely private domain.

The arrangement is mutually consensual. Both parties happily agree to it.

That DC has the complete control over the cam. That DC decides when to turn on and off.

In this case, the indoor cam functions as a FaceTime phone. The only difference is that the parties don’t bother to talk when it’s on.

Hmmm, how does your "friend" generally parent? Because this seems weird as $hit to most people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I can see that it works in limited circumstances. That DC has a single bed dorm, so it does not extend to any public area. The single bed dorm is a completely private domain.

The arrangement is mutually consensual. Both parties happily agree to it.

That DC has the complete control over the cam. That DC decides when to turn on and off.

In this case, the indoor cam functions as a FaceTime phone. The only difference is that the parties don’t bother to talk when it’s on.

That's a pretty big difference! I know what my kid looks like and I'm not actually worried if he's alive. I want communication in order to talk to my kid and learn about his life.

[Anonymous]

In one of the FB parent groups they suggested sending a group text to all progeny and making it a little competition - kid who sends a photo of X first gets a $5 electronic gift card. Or if you want to hear from everyone maybe the biggest/best X.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

We requested a once a week proof of life call or text. What started as a bare bones text, has increased to text conversations and actual phone calls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

I'm a parent and I wouldn't agree to it.

yeah, this is pretty weird unless both parties agree to it. My husband and I spend a lot of time apart due to work travel and sometimes we'll just facetime or call each other and run the call for an hour+ while we're not even consistently talking but just going about our business on the other end. Like as the call is playing I'll wash dishes and he'll do work tasks or whatever...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

I'm a parent and I wouldn't agree to it.

yeah, this is pretty weird unless both parties agree to it. My husband and I spend a lot of time apart due to work travel and sometimes we'll just facetime or call each other and run the call for an hour+ while we're not even consistently talking but just going about our business on the other end. Like as the call is playing I'll wash dishes and he'll do work tasks or whatever...

Both parties did agree to it, according to pp (it sounds like the parent even has a cam in their home that the kid can view!) but it’s still weird as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In one of the FB parent groups they suggested sending a group text to all progeny and making it a little competition - kid who sends a photo of X first gets a $5 electronic gift card. Or if you want to hear from everyone maybe the biggest/best X.

I don’t think OP means a photo scavenger hunt where your kid participates in the hopes if getting money. Once the photos are submitted by s winner, no more incentive + who wants your kid to communicate with you regularly based on getting a Venmo payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

This is insane. Poor boundaries, too controlling, major inbalance of power (sure, optional, but could kid really say no if parents are paying for college?), and so much more.

Therapy needed for both parents (who suggested this) and the kid (who said yes, unless they are just biding their time to get out from under these controlling parents)

[Anonymous]

I am another that uses Snap with my college-age kids. It's fun and we have now a streak going on for 2 years.