If your child isn't a texter/caller, how did that work out once they left for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just might not hear from him. And it’s okay. A mandatory weekend phone call seems like a lot for a college student.

That is ridiculous. I hear from mine almost daily, at least 3-4 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I text photos of the dog a few times a week and that usually gets a response (proof of life, at least). We have a standing time for a phone call each week that she puts up with, even if it just lasts a few minutes.

This. Send photos of the dog.

If you use Whatsapp, the two grey check marks turn to blue when they open the message, which is proof of life.

[Anonymous]

Have settled into the weekly Sunday call, which is always good and chitty chatty. But, yes, texting is generally three word texts or basic information. But he's off seeing his girlfriend and her family out west this week, so presumably his communication skills are pretty good when it matters. I think he's just efficient about when he needs to put on the charm. The other kid is much more of a texter. So you never know how a kid prefers to communicate. We just roll with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not that texting and phone calls are not a priority to him. It is that YOU are not a priority for him. He cannot text people back but if he prioritized you, he would do it without prompting. Figure out why you all have this type of relationship.

This is insensitive and wrong.

I have a kid like this. It's not the relationship, it's the communication style. We hang out all the time in person and he's really chatty with sharing his day in person.

But he went to a summer program for a month and we barely heard from him. He also doesn't communicate well with his older sibling who is at college. But they are really close when together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

A lot of parents expect their kids to fulfill their need for communications when in the last 3 to 5yrs made no effort to communicate in kids terms.
Parents need to learn what their kids like and dont like and get involved early. Dont wait until they are seniors and freak out about it.
Download snap and use it with them. This is their number one app for communication. Go head and use instagram to send and receive stupid videos that your kids are sending. Comment on them. Don’t bury your head in the sand and pretend they will want to use Text messages to call mom…..

[Anonymous]

I told my non-communicator that I needed a phone call per week in college. He tried to make it every three weeks (!!) but I nicely said that I was going to miss him and I needed it every week. He did fine with it! Even enjoyed them. And by the end of the year when things got busy, we weren't doing to absolutely every week.

Kid did surprise me by randomly texting me out of the blue way more than I expected! Some of it was for information he needed, some were random facts, and some where just comments he wanted to share.

I could always get a response if I sent a picture of the dog in his room!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

A lot of parents expect their kids to fulfill their need for communications when in the last 3 to 5yrs made no effort to communicate in kids terms.
Parents need to learn what their kids like and dont like and get involved early. Dont wait until they are seniors and freak out about it.
Download snap and use it with them. This is their number one app for communication. Go head and use instagram to send and receive stupid videos that your kids are sending. Comment on them. Don’t bury your head in the sand and pretend they will want to use Text messages to call mom…..

Instagram is off limits. They hated it the most when adults comment or even “like” posts there. So don’t!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

How did your parents maintain their relationship with you? Or are you young enough to have texted your parents regularly in college?

[Anonymous]

You described my rising college junior. We talk about once/month, sometimes more but not less. He rarely initiates calls but answers if I call him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

A lot of parents expect their kids to fulfill their need for communications when in the last 3 to 5yrs made no effort to communicate in kids terms.
Parents need to learn what their kids like and dont like and get involved early. Dont wait until they are seniors and freak out about it.
Download snap and use it with them. This is their number one app for communication. Go head and use instagram to send and receive stupid videos that your kids are sending. Comment on them. Don’t bury your head in the sand and pretend they will want to use Text messages to call mom…..

Instagram is off limits. They hated it the most when adults comment or even “like” posts there. So don’t!

It is not off limits. I only use Instagram simply to send my kids videos, funny videos and vice versa. not to comment on their stories. People, you need to get it together and think. You need to be in THEIR environment and not expect them to be in YOURS.

[Anonymous]

So many clueless parents here. I agree with the previous poster. As a parent, you need to make an effort to understand what they like and how they like to communicate with their friends. We also communicate through Snap. I dont snap their friends. But my kids love it. Their friends think it is awesome that we use snap and they wish their parents did the same.

But there is a limit. You are not talking to their friends, this is strictly for you and your kids. I do the same as the PP with Instagram. I dont comment on anything. It I simply a tool to send funny or interesting videos back and forth between me and my sophomore daughter. (I’m the dad).

My daughter calls me on Snap and vice versa. We communicate daily on Snap, even it is just to keep the “streak”on which is a plus. There has not been ONE day in the last 3 years and we did not communicate on snap. We never use text msg and normal phone calls. It is great and we are super close.

[Anonymous]

Never heard from him. Ever. A huge source of stress TBH and annoying he could not even like a text so we knew he was ok. We set an expectation the following year that we’d talk once a week and that worked ok. Sometimes you need to know things, like when will you be home from break?

[Anonymous]

A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I text photos of the dog a few times a week and that usually gets a response (proof of life, at least). We have a standing time for a phone call each week that she puts up with, even if it just lasts a few minutes.

Similar over here. Cats & bunnies. We get the occasional food pic or wildlife on campus. There are 2 weeks without any texts or pics occasionally and that fine with us too. They are beginning their life away from home and keep busy.

That doesn't mean they do not love to come home and then tell us endless about all the things that happened and their classes.
We made clear from the beginning we will pay for undergraduate and it is their responsibility to make sure they make the most of it and not waste the chance.
We also never asked to have access to their grades.

I realize this approach would not work for all kids & families.

[Anonymous]

One of mine is a frequent facetimer but rest of us are texters with may be once a month call.