Do I really get nothing?

[Anonymous]

Where is he supposed to "pay" you from? You'll be lucky if YOU aren't stuck paying alimony. Follow your legal advice. Move quickly.

[Anonymous]

Op,Don't waste anymore time or thoughts on this one decade project. You have many more decades to be happy~

Wasting time is the worst enemy, get asap! Good you realize this now and not 20, 30 years later...

[Anonymous]

My xDH (same issues) agreed to not go after my pension. I walked away free and clear never having to speak to him again. It took a lot of time to trust again, but it happened and divorcing him was the best thing I could have done. I agree with your lawyers- try to go the non contentious route and work on finding your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen to your lawyers and get a therapist. Divorce actually is not the venue for you to get any emotional satisfaction from your relationship including revenge or compensation. You get what the law provides no more no less.

Best advice I’ve ever seen on DCUM.

I agree. Divorce lawyers aren’t good therapists, but a lot of them will listen to you talk and charge you as much per hour as a top notch private pay therapist.

[Anonymous]

You are lucky you dont have kids, or a house to split up.
If you make it contentious, he's going to get half of your 401k.

The only thing you'll "get" is the peace of being divorced from him. Take that, and re-start your life.

[Anonymous]

You get freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should hope he doesn’t get half of your 401k

This.

[Anonymous]

If he gets a good lawyer he will take half of YOUR retirement account.

You sound unhinge. You wasted YOUR time he owes you nothing. He has nothing and owes you nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should hope he doesn’t get half of your 401k

Why shouldn't he?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, for asking such a deeply stupid question I think you should have to pay all of us who read this.

[Anonymous]

Take some responsibility. It's been 11 years. You're partly to blame for wasting your own time.

[Anonymous]

Be careful. You might end up paying him alimony, since he hasn't made as much as you recently.

The walking away is the gift, OP. You should know that women have a shortened span of time to have kids than men, and that fact is NEVER included in divorce settlements.

[Anonymous]

Girl- you better cut and run or else he'll get half of your 401k too. Just shake hands on this.

[Anonymous]

Yep, you really get nothing. And, as multiple PPs have pointed out, keep arguing about it and you may have to pay. Would it be nice if philandering deadbeat spouses were held accountable for their behavior? Absolutely. Is that going to happen as part of a divorce? Highly unlikely.

Get out with your dignity, as quickly and inexpensively as possible, and trust that he'll reap as he sowed and you won't have to "make him pay". He already did that to himself, he just might not know it yet. Divorce is peak "take the high road" time. Do what it takes to get rid of the guy, and then rebuild your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should hope he doesn’t get half of your 401k

Why shouldn't he?

NP- because he wasn't putting money in??

DH and I both work for the same employer. I put the max in yearly 23,500 and he puts about 15k in yearly. My 401k is thus a lot bigger than his. Why should dh get half of mine when he had the same opportunity to fund his own?