Brother in Law's comments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always deadpan and ask: “What do you mean by that?” when someones makes a shi$$y “joke” like that.

This is the only appropriate response. And when he backs his way out, dig in. 'No, I really don't understand what you mean and I would like to.' Nail him down to practically calling you a loser, then paraphrase. 'So, what you are saying is because I focused on law school and didn't go the traditional family route that I don't deserve a grown up meal and I deserve to be the butt of your joke? I just want to get this straight because I don't understand your thinking at all.' You should be good at doing this as a lawyer - just don't get emotional at all.

That would make the meal uncomfortable for everyone else at the breakfast. She should have just let it go and roll off her shoulders.

Yeah, she should have been the only one uncomfortable, right? Hell no. BIL deserves the discomfort and everything that comes with it that HE started.

[Anonymous]

Op did you split a hotel room with your parents?

[Anonymous]

More complaining about men on DCUM!? How novel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always deadpan and ask: “What do you mean by that?” when someones makes a shi$$y “joke” like that.

This is the only appropriate response. And when he backs his way out, dig in. 'No, I really don't understand what you mean and I would like to.' Nail him down to practically calling you a loser, then paraphrase. 'So, what you are saying is because I focused on law school and didn't go the traditional family route that I don't deserve a grown up meal and I deserve to be the butt of your joke? I just want to get this straight because I don't understand your thinking at all.' You should be good at doing this as a lawyer - just don't get emotional at all.

That would make the meal uncomfortable for everyone else at the breakfast. She should have just let it go and roll off her shoulders.

Yeah, she should have been the only one uncomfortable, right? Hell no. BIL deserves the discomfort and everything that comes with it that HE started.

A. she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about his comment. it was a JOKE. she should have just laughed it off and not given it a second thought
B. nobody will view her nagging him about it over and over as HIM ruining the meal because SHE would be the one dogging him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More complaining about men on DCUM!? How novel.

No, just about the rude, condescending behavior of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always deadpan and ask: “What do you mean by that?” when someones makes a shi$$y “joke” like that.

This is the only appropriate response. And when he backs his way out, dig in. 'No, I really don't understand what you mean and I would like to.' Nail him down to practically calling you a loser, then paraphrase. 'So, what you are saying is because I focused on law school and didn't go the traditional family route that I don't deserve a grown up meal and I deserve to be the butt of your joke? I just want to get this straight because I don't understand your thinking at all.' You should be good at doing this as a lawyer - just don't get emotional at all.

That would make the meal uncomfortable for everyone else at the breakfast. She should have just let it go and roll off her shoulders.

Yeah, she should have been the only one uncomfortable, right? Hell no. BIL deserves the discomfort and everything that comes with it that HE started.

A. she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about his comment. it was a JOKE. she should have just laughed it off and not given it a second thought
B. nobody will view her nagging him about it over and over as HIM ruining the meal because SHE would be the one dogging him.

Please go on and tell us how OP or anyone should feel.

If a joke requires someone to be put down, it’s not a joke.

[Anonymous]

That’s funny! You’re an immature sourpuss that can’t take a joke. Ironic.

[Anonymous]

He’s jealous of you.
I’d ask him what that comment meant ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only single person (40) of a family - youngest of 5 siblings. I do have a job as an attorney. I don't believe I have ever acted in an immature way in front of him to justify sort of this loser narrative. On the most recent family trip, each sibling had a family unit. I stayed with my parents and split the hotel with them. At breakfast, we are all sitting together at breakfast and I opened the menu, and my brother in law "jokes" - "No, shouldn't you be ordering from the kids menu?" or something to that effect. The comment really frustrated me, as it soured the rest of my day and I don't think is actually even a funny joke to begin with. Meanwhile my family has actually helped his family unit out quite a lot in their life with down deposits, money assistance, etc., yet he's making me have the narrative of the immature child. Sort of venting here but wanted to see how you'd navigate it.

I understand your side but I also understand your BIL's side. Once you get married and have kids you have to grow up really fast in some ways and it's really hard balancing a job, having enough $$$, marriage and raising kids. I think it wasn't a dig but a reality of how probably a lot of married people with kids view those who are single.

They are much more free and in some cases mom and dad still baby/pamper you.

It is just night and day the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s jealous of you.
I’d ask him what that comment meant ?

What is there to be jealous of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only single person (40) of a family - youngest of 5 siblings. I do have a job as an attorney. I don't believe I have ever acted in an immature way in front of him to justify sort of this loser narrative. On the most recent family trip, each sibling had a family unit. I stayed with my parents and split the hotel with them. At breakfast, we are all sitting together at breakfast and I opened the menu, and my brother in law "jokes" - "No, shouldn't you be ordering from the kids menu?" or something to that effect. The comment really frustrated me, as it soured the rest of my day and I don't think is actually even a funny joke to begin with. Meanwhile my family has actually helped his family unit out quite a lot in their life with down deposits, money assistance, etc., yet he's making me have the narrative of the immature child. Sort of venting here but wanted to see how you'd navigate it.

I understand your side but I also understand your BIL's side. Once you get married and have kids you have to grow up really fast in some ways and it's really hard balancing a job, having enough $$$, marriage and raising kids. I think it wasn't a dig but a reality of how probably a lot of married people with kids view those who are single.

They are much more free and in some cases mom and dad still baby/pamper you.

It is just night and day the difference.

If he’s taking $ from in-laws he is not growing up and is a sponge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s jealous of you.
I’d ask him what that comment meant ?

What is there to be jealous of?

The fact that OP is self-supporting while BIL is mooching off the parents?

I'd let his comment slide in the moment, then buttonhole him later to ask, very sweetly, if he's OK. "That children's menu comment came off as a little defensive--I hope you don't feel bad about not being able to support your family and having to take help from my parents. You're a great dad, and that's what really matters."

[Anonymous]

I would have dished it right back and said something about him making sure he asks for a senior discount, or whatever else might have made sense in the moment. I wouldn’t go after the money thing.

[Anonymous]

Ugh I just feel bad for your sister. She has to live with those comments all the time. He’s jealous and immature, and probably insecure. They will be in couples counseling soon if not divorced.

[Anonymous]

I’m the youngest of seven in my family and it’s a birth order thing where people are always gonna treat the youngest in the family as if they’re a child.

I was on a family vacation and we all chipped in to rent a boat. I was 28 and my husband grew up on the water. My brothers told me I was not old enough to go out on the boat with my fiancé.

There were other families there, and they completely spoke up about how insane my brother‘s treat me.

Fast-forward and I’m almost 60 years old and they still treat me like I am 12.

I personally would’ve said to your brother-in-law “that’s big talk from somebody who’s living off mom and dad’s dole”