Spinoff: were you and/or your spouse virgins on your wedding night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but we did do 69 for the first time.

How old were you and how long had you been together?

Had either of you done this with other partners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we waited, married two years out of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but we did do 69 for the first time.

How old were you and how long had you been together?

Had either of you done this with other partners?

He was 27 and I was 26 and we had been together a little over a year. I had never done it with another partner and he was the first guy I ever gave a BJ to and I still remember it. I’m not into receiving oral but I still provide it once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

PP, please report in website feedback so we can all read Jeff's reply!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

I'm the OP and I feel it is especially when you chose to ignore the actually question and to initially share your own experience until called out. Plenty of varying world views in this thread without your lame attempt at a cautionary tale. Stand down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but we did do 69 for the first time.

Then that was certainly a first then (and an exciting one too!). You will always have that to share when celebrating your anniversary of that night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

I'm the OP and I feel it is especially when you chose to ignore the actually question and to initially share your own experience until called out. Plenty of varying world views in this thread without your lame attempt at a cautionary tale. Stand down.

Again, all your saying is your uninterested in conflicting views if you think reports of waiting until marriage going terribly wrong are "lame".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

I'm the OP and I feel it is especially when you chose to ignore the actually question and to initially share your own experience until called out. Plenty of varying world views in this thread without your lame attempt at a cautionary tale. Stand down.

Again, all your saying is your uninterested in conflicting views if you think reports of waiting until marriage going terribly wrong are "lame".

A variety of experiences were expressed in this thread. You were and are being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I was 29 when I got married and a virgin. My husband was 27 and had done everything except for PIV with other people. All I'd done was kissing.
Sex has been an issue for us our whole marriage in the same way that it is an issue for many people. Everyone struggles with something whether it is sex, money, in laws, children, etc. I have a lower drive than him and have a trauma history. And now, yay me, I am in menopause and don't want sex at all.
We tried therapy, we've tried a lot of things. In the end, though, even though we are mismatched sexually, we love each other quite a lot and we accept this is our issue. It's been nearly 30 years and we are relatively happy. He's been an excellent husband to me and I try hard to meet him halfway when it comes to sex.

I don't recommend waiting til marriage (purity culture was my reason and I've since ditched the whole religion thing) but I honestly don't think it would have made any difference in my case whether or not sex was great or not.

[Anonymous]

Heck no. I’m not entirely sure of my DH body count even after almost 26 years of marriage.

Married at 26/27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 29 when I got married and a virgin. My husband was 27 and had done everything except for PIV with other people. All I'd done was kissing.
Sex has been an issue for us our whole marriage in the same way that it is an issue for many people. Everyone struggles with something whether it is sex, money, in laws, children, etc. I have a lower drive than him and have a trauma history. And now, yay me, I am in menopause and don't want sex at all.
We tried therapy, we've tried a lot of things. In the end, though, even though we are mismatched sexually, we love each other quite a lot and we accept this is our issue. It's been nearly 30 years and we are relatively happy. He's been an excellent husband to me and I try hard to meet him halfway when it comes to sex.

I don't recommend waiting til marriage (purity culture was my reason and I've since ditched the whole religion thing) but I honestly don't think it would have made any difference in my case whether or not sex was great or not.

If you want to give your libido a little push talk to your GYN about testosterone gel. A pea sized amount can make a huge difference. If you don’t care then you don’t! Just mentioning it bc a lot of women even in 2025 don’t know that this is an option that helps during and after menopause

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 29 when I got married and a virgin. My husband was 27 and had done everything except for PIV with other people. All I'd done was kissing.
Sex has been an issue for us our whole marriage in the same way that it is an issue for many people. Everyone struggles with something whether it is sex, money, in laws, children, etc. I have a lower drive than him and have a trauma history. And now, yay me, I am in menopause and don't want sex at all.
We tried therapy, we've tried a lot of things. In the end, though, even though we are mismatched sexually, we love each other quite a lot and we accept this is our issue. It's been nearly 30 years and we are relatively happy. He's been an excellent husband to me and I try hard to meet him halfway when it comes to sex.

I don't recommend waiting til marriage (purity culture was my reason and I've since ditched the whole religion thing) but I honestly don't think it would have made any difference in my case whether or not sex was great or not.

If you want to give your libido a little push talk to your GYN about testosterone gel. A pea sized amount can make a huge difference. If you don’t care then you don’t! Just mentioning it bc a lot of women even in 2025 don’t know that this is an option that helps during and after menopause

+1.

This also increases energy and helps decrease brain fog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

I'm the OP and I feel it is especially when you chose to ignore the actually question and to initially share your own experience until called out. Plenty of varying world views in this thread without your lame attempt at a cautionary tale. Stand down.

Wow you are a pill OP.

New poster here. No, we didn't wait. My DH was my first, he had a half dozen or so before me

I waited to make sure we were compatible sexually before we got married.

There is a famous Dear Ann or Abby about a virgin who married an undertaker. Google it! I was only a kid when I read the column in our newspaper but made a promise to myself to go for a test ride before I signed on the dotted line.

I have a dear friend who waited, staunch Catholic. Her husband ended up being gay and she had it annulled.

[Anonymous]

Sex outside marriage is wrong