Spinoff: were you and/or your spouse virgins on your wedding night?

[Anonymous]

We were both 25 when we got married, neither of us were virgins. Neither of us grew up in a very religious family or in a community where sex outside of a marriage was seen as morally wrong.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

I'm the OP and I feel it is especially when you chose to ignore the actually question and to initially share your own experience until called out. Plenty of varying world views in this thread without your lame attempt at a cautionary tale. Stand down.

Wow you are a pill OP.

New poster here. No, we didn't wait. My DH was my first, he had a half dozen or so before me

I waited to make sure we were compatible sexually before we got married.

There is a famous Dear Ann or Abby about a virgin who married an undertaker. Google it! I was only a kid when I read the column in our newspaper but made a promise to myself to go for a test ride before I signed on the dotted line.

I have a dear friend who waited, staunch Catholic. Her husband ended up being gay and she had it annulled.

.yeah and I have a friend who was active before meeting her husband they slept together before marriage she claimed he was the best she ever had turned out he was gay.

Another who is now in a sexless marriage despite them being oh so compatible and amazing in bed

I understand why op went after that poster because these threads always devolve into stupid anecdotes. Trying to bash those who chose differently than them instead of sticking with the topic.

Maybe just maybe premarital sex isn't relevant one way or the other and both sides make too big of a deal about it

[Anonymous]

DH and I were college sweethearts, each other's first in everything. We dated for several years. Virgins on wedding night, both 25 yrs old.

We have been very happily married for 35 years and continue to have a wonderful sex life as well. I think our relationship outside the bedroom has played a key role in my desire for him. I trust him completely and feel adored by him at all times, so it is easy for me to have him lead in the bedroom and communicate my needs.

I think it is a BS to think that you become good at sex by sleeping with a lot of people. There are enough resources available for you to become good at sex even if you are only with one person - if you have desire, trust and communication. You can become good at sex if both of you want to improve your sex life. Sleeping with a lot of other people just empties out your soul and heart. Being good at sex is not rocket science. Around the world people have sex on their wedding nights without all the premarital sex practice.

Thankfully, both of us have matched libido.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we were both virgins. I can’t imagine our sex life being better -both are very happy.

[Anonymous]

We were not. We had similar upbringings and perspectives on life. Each of us had a few partners in committed exclusive relationships before we got together. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were college sweethearts, each other's first in everything. We dated for several years. Virgins on wedding night, both 25 yrs old.

We have been very happily married for 35 years and continue to have a wonderful sex life as well. I think our relationship outside the bedroom has played a key role in my desire for him. I trust him completely and feel adored by him at all times, so it is easy for me to have him lead in the bedroom and communicate my needs.

I think it is a BS to think that you become good at sex by sleeping with a lot of people. There are enough resources available for you to become good at sex even if you are only with one person - if you have desire, trust and communication. You can become good at sex if both of you want to improve your sex life. Sleeping with a lot of other people just empties out your soul and heart. Being good at sex is not rocket science. Around the world people have sex on their wedding nights without all the premarital sex practice.

Thankfully, both of us have matched libido.

I think the bold is a load of BS. .I say that as someone who only has had one partner and waited for a very long time because of nonsense like that. As you said sex is what people make of it.. and people have it for different reasons and yes sometimes it can be damaging but not because it's before marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

I'm the OP and I feel it is especially when you chose to ignore the actually question and to initially share your own experience until called out. Plenty of varying world views in this thread without your lame attempt at a cautionary tale. Stand down.

Wow you are a pill OP.

New poster here. No, we didn't wait. My DH was my first, he had a half dozen or so before me

I waited to make sure we were compatible sexually before we got married.

There is a famous Dear Ann or Abby about a virgin who married an undertaker. Google it! I was only a kid when I read the column in our newspaper but made a promise to myself to go for a test ride before I signed on the dotted line.

I have a dear friend who waited, staunch Catholic. Her husband ended up being gay and she had it annulled.

.yeah and I have a friend who was active before meeting her husband they slept together before marriage she claimed he was the best she ever had turned out he was gay.

Another who is now in a sexless marriage despite them being oh so compatible and amazing in bed

I understand why op went after that poster because these threads always devolve into stupid anecdotes. Trying to bash those who chose differently than them instead of sticking with the topic.

Maybe just maybe premarital sex isn't relevant one way or the other and both sides make too big of a deal about it

Whatever. She had to get divorced, I didn't.

[Anonymous]

No, we lived together in medical school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typo... correction above: nowadays women are not cherished in the way they should be.

Why should women be … cherished?

Like, WTAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typo... correction above: nowadays women are not cherished in the way they should be.

Why should women be … cherished?

Like, WTAF.

Why shouldn't they be ? Everyone should be cherished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a hotbed of early 2000s purity culture, but people mostly quietly dropped it and I only know one person who at least claimed to be a virgin on her wedding night. She and her husband were divorced within 2 years and she revealed they'd only had sex 3 times total during their whole marriage. That wasn't his only issue, but it turns out he preferred porn to actual sex.

Do you want to answer the question for yourself or just judge and draw ignorant conclusions?

Exactly how is reporting a friend's experience w8th waiting until marriage to have sex an "ignorant conclusion". My friend vocally spoke up against purity culture after her marriage ended.

so no you do not want to contribute to the thread with your own experience you want to turn it into a debate based on your own beliefs

My own experience is that my husband and I were not virgins when we married and we've been together for 20 years with an active sex life.

Reporting that my very close friend was harmed by purity culture isn't starting a debate or being judgmental. She herself has publicly posted about it. Not living with her husband before marriage allowed him to.hide some very toxic behaviors until after marriage. And she was given so much crap when she divorced him.

The thread was about your own experience. You decided to bring your own judgments based on an experience that was not your own because it aligned with your beliefs on the matter. You got called out on it , and instead of standing done and admitting you were wrong. you are digging in. You're lucky I don't report you for derailing

So sharing a friend's experience is derailing?

I think if I told you my friend was a virgin and everything was wonderful you wouldn't have the same response. You just want responses that fit your worldview. And if saying "I wasn't a virgin, here's the experience if my friend who was" derailing, why is multiple posts attacking me not detailing?

Report away and enjoy reinforcing your own worldview.

I'm the OP and I feel it is especially when you chose to ignore the actually question and to initially share your own experience until called out. Plenty of varying world views in this thread without your lame attempt at a cautionary tale. Stand down.

Wow you are a pill OP.

New poster here. No, we didn't wait. My DH was my first, he had a half dozen or so before me

I waited to make sure we were compatible sexually before we got married.

There is a famous Dear Ann or Abby about a virgin who married an undertaker. Google it! I was only a kid when I read the column in our newspaper but made a promise to myself to go for a test ride before I signed on the dotted line.

I have a dear friend who waited, staunch Catholic. Her husband ended up being gay and she had it annulled.

.yeah and I have a friend who was active before meeting her husband they slept together before marriage she claimed he was the best she ever had turned out he was gay.

Another who is now in a sexless marriage despite them being oh so compatible and amazing in bed

I understand why op went after that poster because these threads always devolve into stupid anecdotes. Trying to bash those who chose differently than them instead of sticking with the topic.

Maybe just maybe premarital sex isn't relevant one way or the other and both sides make too big of a deal about it

Whatever. She had to get divorced, I didn't.

Yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typo... correction above: nowadays women are not cherished in the way they should be.

Why should women be … cherished?

Like, WTAF.

They should be treated like queens; every single one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We both waited for marriage and had sex for the first time on our wedding night. We have enjoyed a wonderful sex life consistently... married over 30 years. My heart feels fulfilled and happy because we are each other's one and only. No comparisons. I've always thought, you can learn everything you need to know (about sexual compatibility by "just making out.". And I feel sorry for singles in today's society...it's too promiscuous out there...and people don't understand that they are missing out. No doubt my thinking so will offend those who've made different choices, but think about it. There's no romance anymore. I watch old tv sitcoms and women used to be more cherished and respected, behaving as, and treated as ladies. Nowadays, women are cherished (as they should be). It's sad...and I believe it society is no longer handling dating and/or marriage as they ought to be. Maybe people should try chastity for a change. Sex without love and commitment seems unfulfilling (in my opinion). Something to think about...

I'm almost 70 and even I rolled my eyes at this. Good lord, where is this coming from?

Virginity is not a commodity.

Why are you defining what a "lady" is?

You are right, society is no longer handling marriage as it used to. That is because marriage was entirely an economic and socially secure safety net for women. Women don't need that anymore, thank goodness. They don’t need to be married for any reason. They can even have kids without being married. They can have their own careers. They don't need to be virginal in order to be acceptable. They aren't an object.

No comparisons,huh? Maybe a person does need to understand the concept of sex and yes, that is where a comparison comes in handy, among other traits as well. No more marriage as strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex outside marriage is wrong

Lol. Says who? This is 2025. There is not one common sense reason to view sex outside of marriage as morally wrong. Marriage is entirely a cultural construction. It exists only as paperwork and means only what the 2 people involved want it to mean. If you are a religious person, it is about your religion, but- let's get real, there was plenty of "begetting" going on in the Bible, so you are going to have to justify that, but largely marriage is a legal institution designed to control wealth..i.e , who inherits what. That was hard to do for a long time.The only way to do that was to control who women could sleep with so that society could control inheritance, names, and titles. In order to do that, society shamed women, not men, for having children out of wedlock.

Let's all grow TF up. (no pun intended )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typo... correction above: nowadays women are not cherished in the way they should be.

Why should women be … cherished?

Like, WTAF.

Why shouldn't they be ? Everyone should be cherished.

Ok, if this is so, what does it have to do with forgoing sex until marriage?