Saw large families on vacation and started feeling sad…

[Anonymous]

To be fair, we all want large, close knit happy families and envy them. That sure is a blessing to have if it works well.

[Anonymous]

Dont feel bad op. As others have said, even in the best of circumstances it takes a lot of coordination and compromise to get a large family gathering going. Personally I am not a fan (primarily because it’s usually my spouse’s large family we have to vacation with). But even when it’s my family (parents, sibling and cousins) I don’t particularly relish it.

[Anonymous]

I'm from one of these families more people means more personalities and drama.. sometimes it's a huge pita.

[Anonymous]

My sister’s in-laws are like this- big family vacations she has to go to every year- but I believe it’s because the grandparents pay for it because her sister in law and her family cannot afford vacations on their own. They also seem co-dependent. My sister says they are all pretty annoying however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, we all want large, close knit happy families and envy them. That sure is a blessing to have if it works well.

To be honest, no, we all don’t want or envy large families. But I’m sure most people do want a close knit and happy family, which can come in many sizes.

[Anonymous]

Op, You are focusing on the wrong thing. Every family out there is different. Every unit is different from the makeup, to the financial limitations, to the extended family. Don’t look at others and covet whatever you think that is, focus on your family and be grateful for what you have right in front of you now. There is so much heartbreak and anger and trauma and fighting out there. Relish in your sweet families’ activities—they are unique and special and only yours. Don’t even bat an eyelash towards these other parties.

[Anonymous]

It was fun for me when I was younger, then rivalry set in as teens, and it was no longer fun to hang out with them. I've lost all contact with them.

DH also does not see his cousins.

[Anonymous]

Im a woman with 3 daughters, 1 has 2 kids and a partner, the other is 28, and the youngest is 18. Let me tell you, it's a toll on our family of 8 to coordinate schedules for a trip to a water park, never mind once we get there.

It's nice but it's alot of planning for just 1-2 days.

[Anonymous]

My DH grew up in a large family and there are a lot of positives. But honestly- extended family vacations/trips with them (usually within driving distance- long weekend type of thing) are very stressful and not at ALL relaxing. All of the squabbling about coordinating plans and then the drama, chaos, NOISE, different personalities etc. In a large family there is basically always someone (or several someones) either going through or causing some sort of drama. Always little subgroups within the larger family group. Just based on sheer numbers alone. That being said, the fun times are extra fun, and it is absolutely never boring.

[Anonymous]

id like to echo from the back of the room -- find those unicorn friends (unicorn meaning they hit the trifecta of kids align in ages and interests, the dads get along and the moms get along), once you find them -- never let them go!!

These large families that travel together are Often times siblings that never moved away from their hometown, and hang out with each other frequently (im talking sunday dinner at moms house siblings).

Just because you have a large family doesnt mean you will get the family you saw on vacation. I have two siblings, but my brother's wife is terrible and would never agree to being my mom for a week. DH has two siblings who both moved to further points of the country, and they have absolutely no interest in a family vacations despite me trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was fun for me when I was younger, then rivalry set in as teens, and it was no longer fun to hang out with them. I've lost all contact with them.

DH also does not see his cousins.

That's what happened to my family as well.

[Anonymous]

My extended family used to have regular big get-togethers when I was a kid. They ended when my grandparents passed. My DH's family has big get-togethers. I enjoy them a lot. They are a lot of fun and remind me of my childhood. There are some big egos in that family and I've seen the sniping. Also, one 2nd cousin has recently taken the helm in a family business. She got hard nosed with other relatives working there. That's created hard feelings. Not sure how the get togethers will go moving forward after the 2nd cousin fired some relatives, yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have people in your life close enough for you to consider “chosen family”? We have a family we’ve been close to for decades that we vacation with. It has a “cousins roam around together” vibe and keeps my only from feeling lonely. Another option is resorts with kid programming that keeps kids together.

That works for a while but IME and observation it doesn’t last.

Neither do cousins. DH and I both have a dozen cousins each. We rarely see them at all. I vacationed a bit with mine as a kid, but think family camping - we did resort trips on our own because of income disparity between the families.

I'm currently on vacation with my only child. We were supposed to travel with her young cousin but they had to cancel. I was sad for a minute but it has been an awesome vacation and we did a lot more activities than we would have with a much younger person in tow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an only child and DH has a sibling who never got married. We have 2 kids. We went to a resort with just the 4 of us and I noticed a lot of families with extended families (adult siblings, lots of kids who were presumably cousins), I started feeling sad that my kids won’t have first cousins, and we’ll never get to experience these types of get togethers where our kids roam around with their cousins and it’s more than just DH and me.

Anyone felt like this before and how did you overcome this feeling?

My kids have first cousins, but they're all 10+ years older than them. I kind of get it - I ran around in a cousin pack when we visited my mom's siblings and my kids will never have that. But we have friends that have kids closer to our kids' ages, and we have traveled with them and my kids got the same "pack of kids" experience. I don't think they'll experience it as a loss.

[Anonymous]

There's no universal experience with big or small families. We only started doing annual whole-family trips when my and my sister's kids were in middle school and brother's were babies. We all generally get along well and there aren't conflicts (that I'm aware of anyway!). But, DD is the only girl among the bigger kids so can feel a bit left out with the boy cousins + gripes that she gets the crappy room. But, figuring out where we are going (we used to pick a different location every year), picking the rental, is always a negotiation. Now that mom's health is failing, that's limited it to a nearby location. We enjoy these trips but it does limit how we can use our vacation time when we are prioritizing time with family.

In contrast, DH's family lives closer to us but we rarely see them and have never traveled with them. DH doesn't want to spend time with them for a variety of reasons and there's no contact with his many cousins.

This family relationships board is full of complaints about the extended-family beach trip all summer so those may make you feel better!