Saw large families on vacation and started feeling sad…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for what you have. I'm single with no kids and would be jealous you have a husband and potentially a two-income household where you can even afford to go on a vacation or to a resort. I can't afford vacations and don't have anyone to go with.

Someone is ALWAYS doing better than you but someone else is always doing worse than you too.

Agree. OP should be thankful for what she already has. I'm single, no kids. I do have a good income and like to travel, but traveling alone is not always fun and it's hard to find someone who'll go with you. When I do go overseas, there's no one to enjoy a good meal with at a nice restaurant or to watch the sunset together over cocktails. It's lonely quick meals. And after a certain age anyone on their own in any kind of tourist destination is always a bit noticeable. I'm not ready nor old enough for the nicer tour groups. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a very small family (no siblings, one grandparent, rarely if ever saw cousins). I married into a big family (multiple siblings, lots of cousins). Like everything in life, there are pros and cons to both. We just did a vacation to Europe with the three of us (me, H, kid) and it was awesome. Easy, enjoyable, no drama. I love my ILs and am seeing most of them next month for a family reunion. I can already tell you what will happen: People will argue over food/meals/how to cook something. People will argue about the best way to drive somewhere (one person always insists they know better than GPS no matter where we are). My MIL will want to do something for a photo opportunity that no one wants to do which creates tension. And the cousins will argue about video games or something which will carry over to the younger cousins and inevitably someone will cry. So those vacations, while mostly enjoyable, are never easy or drama free. You just have to adjust expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an only child and DH has a sibling who never got married. We have 2 kids. We went to a resort with just the 4 of us and I noticed a lot of families with extended families (adult siblings, lots of kids who were presumably cousins), I started feeling sad that my kids won’t have first cousins, and we’ll never get to experience these types of get togethers where our kids roam around with their cousins and it’s more than just DH and me.

Anyone felt like this before and how did you overcome this feeling?

Find friends and make your own family.

I'm an only child because my only sibling died when my first child was born. My husband is estranged from his abusive family of origin. My dad died and my mom has severe dementia.

We travel with friends who are in similar situations, or who do things without their families. One year for Thanksgiving we went to a resort in the Bahamas with our friends and their children. The next year we went with just the four of us.

Of course I'd love to have a huge family where everyone gets along, but my best friend has parents who live in her city and two brothers who live in other states with their wives and children and they all get together quite a bit but there is also a fair amount of drama in dealing with everyone. They also have to do stuff like have kids sleep on floors and have entire families staying in a single kid's bedroom over holidays, which doesn't sound like a ton of fun to me. So both situations are a mixed bag. I think you make the best situation out of whatever you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have people in your life close enough for you to consider “chosen family”? We have a family we’ve been close to for decades that we vacation with. It has a “cousins roam around together” vibe and keeps my only from feeling lonely. Another option is resorts with kid programming that keeps kids together.

That works for a while but IME and observation it doesn’t last.

IME it does. My parents weren't close with their siblings but I had a lot of "aunts" and "uncles" and "cousins" who weren't actually blood-related and I've always been closer to them than with my real cousins. Making an effort to be close with people takes work, whether they're related to you or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The big families aren’t all they are cracked up to be. Everyone talks about someone else. Lots of snark. Tough to even get through a holiday. Some demand the same holiday. There are cheapskates that don’t pay. They are takers. There is selfishness, annoyances, and hurtful comments. With having only one child we can pay for lavish getaways and go and stay where we want. We don’t have to please others. We plan the trips that we want. The in-fighting and banter is nonexistent. It’s SO relaxing and we are able to shift around and see and explore the world. No one is making us pay their way. No one is dictating where we go or what we eat. Trust me, the big families have a lot of problems. There are also a lot of funerals to attend as well.

+1

We have done beach house rentals with my in-laws (SIL, who is my husband's sister, BIL, their four children, and MIL and FIL) and with friends. The "vacations" (I can't call them that since they weren't remotely relaxing with the in-laws were always awful. Vacations with friends have been awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big family get togethers are fun! It's not all as bad as people are saying here. It's particularly fun at the beach.

For you, maybe. Some of us have done it and hated it. Or because our experiences aren't the same as yours, we must be lying or trolls, right?