Concern About Confidentiality of Financial Aid Information

[Anonymous]

My favorite ones re the "big donors" aka grandparents are big donors- giving money to the school and bankrolling the large tuition amounts each year. These families with the grandparents bankrolling are always the most braggadocios. Talking about how much they have, their upcoming trips (paid for by said grandparents), their country club memberships (paid for by said grandparents) and complaining about financial aid families and trying to figure out who those families are. Normal people don't really care.

[Anonymous]

I’m a major donor and trustee and I’ve never even heard a whisper about who receives financial aid. I know the overall percentage of students who receive it, so I can infer that someone out there is getting it, but I don’t even know how many per grade level or even the general size of individual awards. In one meeting a while back, a trustee asked for that information from the Head and was reminded that it was an inappropriate ask.

[Anonymous]

Major donor/trustee and want to add that while I have never heard a whisper about FA, every other bit of information seems to go into the public domain once it hits the main office. When my child was applying out, a morning transcript request to the business office somehow made its way to the main office and before lunchtime an elective teacher was asking my kid why they were leaving the school.

Some teachers and admins are huge gossips and it always startles me but shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

I don’t understand what there is to gossip about. “Did you know Susie and Jacob’s child is on financial aid?” That’s it. What else is there? It’s pretty boring. I would be like “huh” and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are correct that faculty and other parents shouldn’t know this information. You might want to ask a school administrator what the school’s policy on this is.

The school website clearly states the information. But we have become aware that the information is not kept confidential. Do the big donors actively request to know who they are donating to? Is this the reason for why this info is leaked? I am guessing yes, because some of them behave entitled AF.

True.

[Anonymous]

So…this is why a lot of people wouldn’t send their kid to private school. Hierarchy and money are everything. You sound very invested in it. It’s not the only path to a great education, you know. But I suppose you wouldn’t want your child associating with public school hoi polloi.

[Anonymous]

Well, seems a bit curious to say that you don't want to send your kid to school you can't afford without aid because you don't want wealthy kids around that provide the aid.

[Anonymous]

This. I’m sorry but it feels like someone has a chip on their shoulder. I have been in DC private schools for 14 years with my children and also work there. FA is not a topic people use as gossip at all and no one outside of the FA committee knows. Gossip exists at private schools of course but knowing who receives financial aid is not a topic I’ve ever heard anyone discuss because as someone else said, half the families are receiving grandparent funding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

I don’t understand what there is to gossip about. “Did you know Susie and Jacob’s child is on financial aid?” That’s it. What else is there? It’s pretty boring. I would be like “huh” and move on.

[Anonymous]

Are you one of the people in a million+ dollar house receiving financial aid? You’re why we don’t give a cent to our private any longer.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that some major donors (and even certain faculty members) seem to know which families are receiving financial aid? This strikes me as highly inappropriate and potentially a violation of privacy regulations. At the very least, it feels ethically troubling.

It’s disheartening and frankly upsetting. This kind of breach creates a sense of exclusion and judgment that no family should have to endure. While we’re grateful that the school has been a positive environment for our child, this issue casts a long shadow. It raises real questions about whether this is the right community for our family because, frankly, it has become quite painful to stay and be around other families at this point.

I hope school administrators and staff in the private schools read this.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would anyone donate money to a private school? There are so many better uses for money in this world than to help give ever more opulent facilities to wealthy families.

[Anonymous]

What on earth could anyone possibly gossip about in such a way that would leave someone feeling excluded?

I am not a big donor but figured out who was on financial aid through annual giving. We were all given lists. They were only lists of part of the classes. Upon asking around it was obvious that families with multiple children were struck from many lists so that they were only asked once. Large donors were also struck, as were those on financial aid.

Still no one gossiped or judged. Parents gossiped more about which child uninvited which other child at which birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

It’s not about trying to hide the fact that we’re a financial aid family. It’s already apparent in subtle ways, and I’ve come to terms with that. What I wasn’t prepared for was the level of gossip, or how casually personal details I shared with a staff member would make their way to a donor parent. Or how something I mentioned to a so-called friend would end up with the school director... or again, a donor.

There seems to be a highly active and inappropriate information network within the community. The respect I extend to others has not been reciprocated, and that’s deeply disappointing.

As a result, I’m stepping back from the school community. If people want to talk, they will. I’m no longer interested in being part of a space where discretion, trust, and basic respect are so easily broken.

So the issue isn't that FA information is shared, it appears to be that you are sharing information about you and your family, and that is getting shared. I'm not sure why you think a conversation wouldn't be potentially repeated or shared.

We are an FA family and I have not once felt like there was any gossip getting around. We've never heard anyone mention or ask anything about FA. Honestly, I likely think about it more than anyone else just b/c we are a recipient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

I admire that and I think that’s the way it should be though easier said than done obviously. Where it gets tricky is when people actively pretend they are not on it and usually those are the people who know people would be annoyed if they found out they got it. Because they are living extravagantly rather than scrimping to pay their tuitions like most people.

[Anonymous]

It gets out because there really aren’t that many people running the average private school. It’s not like a university with thousands of employees. There’s a literal handful of people over this stuff & most of them are alums, mega donors, and/or current parents with kids in the school. You’re the one asking for a handout. If you don’t like it, go back to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

I admire that and I think that’s the way it should be though easier said than done obviously. Where it gets tricky is when people actively pretend they are not on it and usually those are the people who know people would be annoyed if they found out they got it. Because they are living extravagantly rather than scrimping to pay their tuitions like most people.

And many scammers literally defrauding financial aid, who know they don’t qualify for it and thus don’t want others to know they’re on it because people can do the math and know they’re defrauding the school.