Concern About Confidentiality of Financial Aid Information

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

It’s not about trying to hide the fact that we’re a financial aid family. It’s already apparent in subtle ways, and I’ve come to terms with that. What I wasn’t prepared for was the level of gossip, or how casually personal details I shared with a staff member would make their way to a donor parent. Or how something I mentioned to a so-called friend would end up with the school director... or again, a donor.

There seems to be a highly active and inappropriate information network within the community. The respect I extend to others has not been reciprocated, and that’s deeply disappointing.

As a result, I’m stepping back from the school community. If people want to talk, they will. I’m no longer interested in being part of a space where discretion, trust, and basic respect are so easily broken.

[Anonymous]

We're aid recipients for an upper school and have never told anyone but I'm sure families can guess if they analyze our tuition bill and our income. However, my kids have been 100% accepted by the kids and other parents (including many very fancy, donor families) and we've made a few deep parent friendships as well. If the word had gotten out about our aid it hasn't impacted us or our children.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor told me her child’s pediatrician is very chatty with a certain school personnel in the office. Apparently there was private medical info shared. You can’t trust anyone for sure.

[Anonymous]

I was a significant donor at a dc private and I can guarantee you most of the major donors don’t have a clue about who is receiving aid nor do they care as long as there is integrity/sound methodology to the process by which awards are made. This is in your head. I am troubled by your unwillingness to promote the school based on your (likely false) perception that everyone is focused on your status as a recipient. Get over yourself. I was a financial aid recipient 40 years ago and am incredibly grateful for that. I can now pay it forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

OP, can you say a little bit a bit more about the judgment and gossip you hear from these big donors? Presumably 15-20% of the kids at the school receive financial aid. Is the judgment and gossip directed at all financial aid families or do you feel like you’re specifically targeted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that some major donors (and even certain faculty members) seem to know which families are receiving financial aid? This strikes me as highly inappropriate and potentially a violation of privacy regulations. At the very least, it feels ethically troubling.

It’s disheartening and frankly upsetting. This kind of breach creates a sense of exclusion and judgment that no family should have to endure. While we’re grateful that the school has been a positive environment for our child, this issue casts a long shadow. It raises real questions about whether this is the right community for our family because, frankly, it has become quite painful to stay and be around other families at this point.

I hope school administrators and staff in the private schools read this.

My experience the judgement is if you are a person of color they auto think that you are receiving , yes staff , teachers and faculty and parents are thinking like that . So the the parents who are donating to the school and volunteering are excluding those parents and students. Itis happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a significant donor at a dc private and I can guarantee you most of the major donors don’t have a clue about who is receiving aid nor do they care as long as there is integrity/sound methodology to the process by which awards are made. This is in your head. I am troubled by your unwillingness to promote the school based on your (likely false) perception that everyone is focused on your status as a recipient. Get over yourself. I was a financial aid recipient 40 years ago and am incredibly grateful for that. I can now pay it forward.

I’m not saying that everyone is focused on our financial aid status. But I do believe there’s a sense of entitlement among some to share our private information or to gossip about it. And that raises a serious question: why does this kind of gossip network exist within the school community?

I was an aid recipient myself (a full scholarship that covered everything). It worked well for me and my family, and I’ve always been deeply grateful for that support. Similarly, I’m truly thankful that the school chose to support my child.

That said, gratitude doesn’t mean turning a blind eye. I cannot overlook the fact that the school has allowed this gossip culture to exist, and, at times, even contributed to it. That part is profoundly disappointing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that some major donors (and even certain faculty members) seem to know which families are receiving financial aid? This strikes me as highly inappropriate and potentially a violation of privacy regulations. At the very least, it feels ethically troubling.

It’s disheartening and frankly upsetting. This kind of breach creates a sense of exclusion and judgment that no family should have to endure. While we’re grateful that the school has been a positive environment for our child, this issue casts a long shadow. It raises real questions about whether this is the right community for our family because, frankly, it has become quite painful to stay and be around other families at this point.

I hope school administrators and staff in the private schools read this.

My experience the judgement is if you are a person of color they auto think that you are receiving , yes staff , teachers and faculty and parents are thinking like that . So the the parents who are donating to the school and volunteering are excluding those parents and students. Itis happening.

It’s not that they’re excluding my child. And to be fair, I don’t think there’s an intentional effort to exclude me either.

However, I’ve experienced rude comments, boundary-crossing behavior, and clear signs that private conversations have traveled through a well-established gossip chain. I am not being a part of this chain any more. Result: Choose to only minimally communicate with the school, and not really become a part of school community. I am not interested in others gossip, why are they interested in mine. I am astonished at the speed of travel in the chain as well. Spectacular speed! I hope those folks use the same speed of communication for improving the education in the school. It's really a waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

You sound super entitled. Given all the funding you benefit from, the least you could do is participate in a non-monetary way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

You sound super entitled. Given all the funding you benefit from, the least you could do is participate in a non-monetary way.

That's what we openly did so far, and the school knows this very well.
And, I am neither restricting my child to advertise his school, nor am I talking about these issues with my kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps you are oversharing? Call me jaded but I almost never reveal personal and especially financial information in the private school arena. I am the former (long ago as a child) recipient of FA but now very significant donor from an earlier post. I have been a very significant donor and 80% was made anonymously. Just share less or prepare to face the consequences. Pro tip: everyone gossips about everything in the private school circuit. Wait until your kid applies to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

We’ve been told not to share financial aide information with anyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

It’s not about trying to hide the fact that we’re a financial aid family. It’s already apparent in subtle ways, and I’ve come to terms with that. What I wasn’t prepared for was the level of gossip, or how casually personal details I shared with a staff member would make their way to a donor parent. Or how something I mentioned to a so-called friend would end up with the school director... or again, a donor.

There seems to be a highly active and inappropriate information network within the community. The respect I extend to others has not been reciprocated, and that’s deeply disappointing.

As a result, I’m stepping back from the school community. If people want to talk, they will. I’m no longer interested in being part of a space where discretion, trust, and basic respect are so easily broken.

From this response, the information is coming from you. If you don’t want people to know about it, then don’t talk about it. I understand you thought you were talking to trusted people, but it it’s that big of a concern don’t mention it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, perhaps you are oversharing? Call me jaded but I almost never reveal personal and especially financial information in the private school arena. I am the former (long ago as a child) recipient of FA but now very significant donor from an earlier post. I have been a very significant donor and 80% was made anonymously. Just share less or prepare to face the consequences. Pro tip: everyone gossips about everything in the private school circuit. Wait until your kid applies to college.

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