TJ seems to have crushed the soul of my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

This is not consistent with our experience. We were impressed with the care the social worker and psychologist gave to the kids when an issue was shared. But staffing may have changed.

I'd love to know who you talked to because I need a recommendation. I've had very few interactions at the school but the counselor was totally non-respondant and is currently avoiding a meeting.

The other counselor that advised me self hard is no big deal I have no idea who that person is but it made me think that if the two people in counseling I've spoken to give no Fs then I have no idea who to turn to.

Go to the social worker (hopefully the same one is there - she was amazing) or the psychologist, not the counselor. One counselor was amazing but I think he was the standout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

Lack of Middle school math proficiency is primary cause for stress.

Kid was in Geometry and scored perfect on the SOL which I've never heard of.

I don't think you're understanding. Kid has mastered the material but needs to complete answers in 2-3min based on time allotted and currently completes in 3-4 min. No joke. That's the pace.

Perfect SOLs are not uncommon among TJ students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

I have a really hard time believing this is true.
The time my daughter made a joke in class about killing herself, the teacher reported it to the counselor, who phoned me to come get her immediately and initially didn't want her back until she'd had the all clear by a psychologist. DD had to reiterate that she'd made a joke in poor taste before the counselor relented. It was a big deal.

I have a guess who that teacher was too. I don't know, this is what I was told. The nurses office forwarded me to the front office that then forwarded me to a random counselor and that was her response.

Well then, you can report this counselor's comment to the Principal if it bugs you so much, OP.
The "It's not like it's a suicide attempt" is so uncharacteristic of anything that public schools are supposed to implement (and DO implement), that we can hardly believe you. So instead of trying to convince us... lodge a formal complaint. You don't want to have any regrets if this kid ends up attempting suicide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

I have a really hard time believing this is true.
The time my daughter made a joke in class about killing herself, the teacher reported it to the counselor, who phoned me to come get her immediately and initially didn't want her back until she'd had the all clear by a psychologist. DD had to reiterate that she'd made a joke in poor taste before the counselor relented. It was a big deal.

I have a guess who that teacher was too. I don't know, this is what I was told. The nurses office forwarded me to the front office that then forwarded me to a random counselor and that was her response.

Well then, you can report this counselor's comment to the Principal if it bugs you so much, OP.
The "It's not like it's a suicide attempt" is so uncharacteristic of anything that public schools are supposed to implement (and DO implement), that we can hardly believe you. So instead of trying to convince us... lodge a formal complaint. You don't want to have any regrets if this kid ends up attempting suicide.

I'm not a parent that makes waves. When I get the feeling of a very strong culture in a department I'm not looking to fight that. I'm also not the same race of the these two counselors so I'm also not going down that road for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

This is not consistent with our experience. We were impressed with the care the social worker and psychologist gave to the kids when an issue was shared. But staffing may have changed.

I'd love to know who you talked to because I need a recommendation. I've had very few interactions at the school but the counselor was totally non-respondant and is currently avoiding a meeting.

The other counselor that advised me self hard is no big deal I have no idea who that person is but it made me think that if the two people in counseling I've spoken to give no Fs then I have no idea who to turn to.

Go to the social worker (hopefully the same one is there - she was amazing) or the psychologist, not the counselor. One counselor was amazing but I think he was the standout.

Thanks for the tip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

Lack of Middle school math proficiency is primary cause for stress.

Kid was in Geometry and scored perfect on the SOL which I've never heard of.

I don't think you're understanding. Kid has mastered the material but needs to complete answers in 2-3min based on time allotted and currently completes in 3-4 min. No joke. That's the pace.

Perfect SOLs are not uncommon among TJ students.

It is not really a timed exam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

I have a really hard time believing this is true.
The time my daughter made a joke in class about killing herself, the teacher reported it to the counselor, who phoned me to come get her immediately and initially didn't want her back until she'd had the all clear by a psychologist. DD had to reiterate that she'd made a joke in poor taste before the counselor relented. It was a big deal.

I have a guess who that teacher was too. I don't know, this is what I was told. The nurses office forwarded me to the front office that then forwarded me to a random counselor and that was her response.

Well then, you can report this counselor's comment to the Principal if it bugs you so much, OP.
The "It's not like it's a suicide attempt" is so uncharacteristic of anything that public schools are supposed to implement (and DO implement), that we can hardly believe you. So instead of trying to convince us... lodge a formal complaint. You don't want to have any regrets if this kid ends up attempting suicide.

I'm not a parent that makes waves. When I get the feeling of a very strong culture in a department I'm not looking to fight that. I'm also not the same race of the these two counselors so I'm also not going down that road for that reason.

OK, now we know you're a troll. Going on DCUM to whine about an explosive scenario and also pretending to be a coward is troll behavior. Bonus for the attempt to racebait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic yes, but man. My kid is just worn out. Between a few bad apple teachers, poor instructions or lesson planning, crazy time expectations make classes that were once loved just not loved at all.

I no longer have a happy, intellectually curious kid. Fwiw kid found a great friend group, loves other aspects of the school. But I'm worried long term this is more brow-beating than building up.

Apparently a friend with straight As confided that they are leaving next year for the same reason.

Anyone btdt?

These are interesting complaints. I was in a magnet program and we had good and bad teachers but I don’t think we ever let the teachers ruin the experience of being in high school. I say this bc it just makes me think the real issue is actually the pressure, the expectations, the perfectionism, etc. Which either way, may still mean it’s better to leave this school. The kids that tried to be perfect had the worst mental health outcomes. The kids who were having fun, even if they weren’t getting the best grades in the group, ended up better off overall in 10, 20, now almost 25 years. In real life you don’t need to be the smartest or perfect but you need to be able to cope, relate, make the best of things, etc.

All of this to say the most important thing is to have a happy kid who is not overly stressed. Follow your gut right now to determine what your kid needs to thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

This is not consistent with our experience. We were impressed with the care the social worker and psychologist gave to the kids when an issue was shared. But staffing may have changed.

I'd love to know who you talked to because I need a recommendation. I've had very few interactions at the school but the counselor was totally non-respondant and is currently avoiding a meeting.

The other counselor that advised me self hard is no big deal I have no idea who that person is but it made me think that if the two people in counseling I've spoken to give no Fs then I have no idea who to turn to.

Our experience with TJ counselors has been extremely positive, so I'm sorry to hear you've gotten the wrong impression of the department as a whole. Strongly suggest reaching out to the director of student services, who oversees the counselors.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I see you. TJ parent class of 2022. People who haven’t done TJ in the last decade will not understand, though they may be well-intentioned. What year is your kid? I’m inclined to recommend sticking it out but toning down course selections. Your kid can get into a great college I swear with AB Calc and Hon (not AP) Physics. The counselors at TJ were not helpful in the least so don’t even try. Find a parent or two of a recent alum and have an honest chat over coffee (or a drink). This time of year is very hard. It may feel a lot better in September. Hugs to you and your kid. I am sure they are amazing. The joy will return, just turn it all down a notch if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

Lack of Middle school math proficiency is primary cause for stress.

Kid was in Geometry and scored perfect on the SOL which I've never heard of.

I don't think you're understanding. Kid has mastered the material but needs to complete answers in 2-3min based on time allotted and currently completes in 3-4 min. No joke. That's the pace.

Can your kid get extra time via an IEP? Not to start a debate on that but I bet you can find someone to do the neuropsych tests and say your kid needs extra time. if that would make your kid like TJ and not have to change high schools half way thought it might be worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I see you. TJ parent class of 2022. People who haven’t done TJ in the last decade will not understand, though they may be well-intentioned. What year is your kid? I’m inclined to recommend sticking it out but toning down course selections. Your kid can get into a great college I swear with AB Calc and Hon (not AP) Physics. The counselors at TJ were not helpful in the least so don’t even try. Find a parent or two of a recent alum and have an honest chat over coffee (or a drink). This time of year is very hard. It may feel a lot better in September. Hugs to you and your kid. I am sure they are amazing. The joy will return, just turn it all down a notch if you can.

I offered a few replies as a parent of recent alums, one of whom was class of 2022. I’m not sure who you are accusing of responding without having experienced in the “last decade.”