TJ seems to have crushed the soul of my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your child would have had a hard time no matter what, OP. Maybe high school is revealing some executive functioning flaws or latent anxiety and depression, and they're realizing that they're a small fish in a big pond.

And that's fine. They'll have to learn that lesson anyway at some point - in college, or their workplaces, etc. If they learn it now, it's fine. Just make sure you provide plenty of support and encouragement at home.

It's probably not that. TJ presents extraordinarily high levels of rigor. Like college levels of rigor. All any non STEM kids (and a good chunk of the stem kids) coming out of TJ if college was easier it harder than high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

Looking for actual advice. I don't care about the wait list besides the fact that people have already accepted/ declined at this point.

Honestly, it is likely they are better off at base. A less rigorous high school curriculum gives them more time to pursue other interests. It's a trade off not a loss. They will lose the rigor and training TJ has to offer but you will gain time to pursue other interests.

We thought our kid would be able to pursue all his interests and also handle TJ. We were wrong. He has given up all but one sport. This neighborhood friend hang out almost every day, my son gets to join them maybe once a week and in weekends. He has died most of his volunteer activity. Sure, these things look good for a college app but he just didn't have the time. You can't face roll your way through these classes. But TJ will prepare him for college better than his base school and how well you do in college is more important than what high school you went to or even what college you went to.

If you kid is a rising freshman, talk to them about what they want to do. Do they have a l good friend group at base school they can just slide into. Or do they just need better habits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic yes, but man. My kid is just worn out. Between a few bad apple teachers, poor instructions or lesson planning, crazy time expectations make classes that were once loved just not loved at all.

I no longer have a happy, intellectually curious kid. Fwiw kid found a great friend group, loves other aspects of the school. But I'm worried long term this is more brow-beating than building up.

Apparently a friend with straight As confided that they are leaving next year for the same reason.

Anyone btdt?

This sounds concerning indeed.
BTW, which math class did your kid take at 8th grade?

[Anonymous]

OP .. I dont know what grade your child is in but remember this is AP season and also near the end of the academic year. So it will be hard on the kid. Support your child .. listen to him/her. If they need anything just get it.

Once they are all set, you go out and get yourself a beer. It'll all work out in the end

[Anonymous]

Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

Lack of Middle school math proficiency is primary cause for stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

Lack of Middle school math proficiency is primary cause for stress.

Kid was in Geometry and scored perfect on the SOL which I've never heard of.

I don't think you're understanding. Kid has mastered the material but needs to complete answers in 2-3min based on time allotted and currently completes in 3-4 min. No joke. That's the pace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

This is not consistent with our experience. We were impressed with the care the social worker and psychologist gave to the kids when an issue was shared. But staffing may have changed.

I'd love to know who you talked to because I need a recommendation. I've had very few interactions at the school but the counselor was totally non-respondant and is currently avoiding a meeting.

The other counselor that advised me self hard is no big deal I have no idea who that person is but it made me think that if the two people in counseling I've spoken to give no Fs then I have no idea who to turn to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

Lack of Middle school math proficiency is primary cause for stress.

Kid was in Geometry and scored perfect on the SOL which I've never heard of.

I don't think you're understanding. Kid has mastered the material but needs to complete answers in 2-3min based on time allotted and currently completes in 3-4 min. No joke. That's the pace.

Where are getting this data? Did you go time at the test?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

I have a really hard time believing this is true.
The time my daughter made a joke in class about killing herself, the teacher reported it to the counselor, who phoned me to come get her immediately and initially didn't want her back until she'd had the all clear by a psychologist. DD had to reiterate that she'd made a joke in poor taste before the counselor relented. It was a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

I was with you until this.

The counselors pretty much ONLY care about this.
Your kid's is struggling and getting Cs for the first time in their life, no problem. Your kid's has no idea how to apply for college, no problem. Your kid doesn't know what classes they should take, no problem. Your kid is cutting themselves, they go pretty nuclear.

I'm telling you - this was an actual conversation. They told me they had zero interest in identifying the kid and its no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your child would have had a hard time no matter what, OP. Maybe high school is revealing some executive functioning flaws or latent anxiety and depression, and they're realizing that they're a small fish in a big pond.

And that's fine. They'll have to learn that lesson anyway at some point - in college, or their workplaces, etc. If they learn it now, it's fine. Just make sure you provide plenty of support and encouragement at home.

It's probably not that. TJ presents extraordinarily high levels of rigor. Like college levels of rigor. All any non STEM kids (and a good chunk of the stem kids) coming out of TJ if college was easier it harder than high school.

PP you replied to. I am aware, since my ADHD son finds college easier than high school. But two things can be true. Weaknesses that would not have been so visible otherwise are now revealed, which explains why some kids thrive and other do not in such situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mental health trumps everything else. Remember TJ is a long four years and your kids compete agaibst other TJ kids. It's rough.

Lack of Middle school math proficiency is primary cause for stress.

Kid was in Geometry and scored perfect on the SOL which I've never heard of.

I don't think you're understanding. Kid has mastered the material but needs to complete answers in 2-3min based on time allotted and currently completes in 3-4 min. No joke. That's the pace.

Where are getting this data? Did you go time at the test?

I mean the math is very simple. 4 questions in 10 minutes and 8 in 30. They don't ever change the size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

It does seem like that. I don't know anyone who dislikes it or is doing poorly there so these stories are not the norm, but they do seem to be working harder than most other high schoolers.

Well I know my kid isn't alone. Kid saw another kid with cuts on their arm, told me, I called multiple people at the school and was told, literally, by a counselor, that self harm is no big deal. "It's not like it's a s**cide attempt. For real? I was totally speechless with that interaction.

I have a really hard time believing this is true.
The time my daughter made a joke in class about killing herself, the teacher reported it to the counselor, who phoned me to come get her immediately and initially didn't want her back until she'd had the all clear by a psychologist. DD had to reiterate that she'd made a joke in poor taste before the counselor relented. It was a big deal.

I have a guess who that teacher was too. I don't know, this is what I was told. The nurses office forwarded me to the front office that then forwarded me to a random counselor and that was her response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it that time of year again when people post these stories in the hopes of scaring off a few and creating more waitlist movement?

This is a possibility.

OTOH, someone accused ME of trying to “create waitlist movement” several weeks prior to offers going out LOL.

I stand by exactly what I said: if your child really doesn’t want to go, don’t force them. That will not end well.



As to OP’s claim (assuming it’s genuine), my child loves TJ. He has found “his people” there. They have common interests. The students and teachers have been kind.

Is it perfect? No school is perfect. Yes - there can be stress. But my other child (who chose our base school) has stress from the ever-increasing race to max out AP classes.

Bot kids are looking forward to next year at their respective schools.