40 year old brother having woes finding his partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to fly his ass to Warsaw for the summer.

What does this mean?

PP is suggesting that a woman would marry him to become a US citizen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is constantly friend zoned and is constantly sad about it. Is there anything I can do? Or will he eventually figure it out???

Many women under 40 tend to be of the mind that "Oh I can date and have fun and have a career until my 30s or 40s, then settle down".

They have been duped into this via propaganda.

Also many younger men are struggling with women these days, due to this and social media, OF, etc. and the degeneration of society in general, and are removing themselves from the dating pool as a result of toxic Femininity.

He should be looking for someone around 21 to 35 that wants to have a traditional relationship, not a situation-ship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is constantly friend zoned and is constantly sad about it. Is there anything I can do? Or will he eventually figure it out???

Many women under 40 tend to be of the mind that "Oh I can date and have fun and have a career until my 30s or 40s, then settle down".

They have been duped into this via propaganda.

Also many younger men are struggling with women these days, due to this and social media, OF, etc. and the degeneration of society in general, and are removing themselves from the dating pool as a result of toxic Femininity.

He should be looking for someone around 21 to 35 that wants to have a traditional relationship, not a situation-ship.

Not touching the rest of this comment with a ten foot pole but what significantly younger (under 30) woman would want a 40 year old unless he’s particularly attractive, wealthy or smooth and if he was one of those things, he’d not be having the difficulties he’s having.

[Anonymous]

Friendzoning is another word for “the guy is not remotely attractive.”

And the word is gross because it implies men should have access to all women on the terms the men want (sexually). Also reeks of desperation.

[Anonymous]

Well the fact that his sibling is trying to manage his dating life may be the first sign to back off.

Any mention of being “Friend zoned” in another one - but I’m thinking that’s you saying that, which again, is a bother problem.

It’s okay to be alone if you live a satisfying life with friends and family. I can’t imagine the desperation that must go on in your conversations *from you* that would lead you to post here.

Why can’t you just accept him the way he is? Maybe he’s homosexual and can’t tell you. Maybe he’s asexual and doesn’t want to tell you. Maybe he has some weird kinks and spends free time at the open clubs. Maybe he likes to crochet at night. There are honestly worse things than being single these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is constantly friend zoned and is constantly sad about it. Is there anything I can do? Or will he eventually figure it out???

Surely you have some theories about this or advice for him?
Posting totally vague things like this won’t generate anything useful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is he offering OP? Is he fun? Kind? Enjoyable to be around? It doesn’t sound likely that he’ll “figure it out eventually “ — without some idea re: where things are getting stuck. Is he a “sad” or overly self-focused date? Does he have hobbies or interests that potential partners might share? Is he reaching out for improbable partners? Does he actually want help with this?

Does he still live w his parents?

Can he hold down a job? Does he have a career and progression?

Does he have any mental disorders? If so does he treat and manage the symptoms?

Does he save money or spend it all?

Is he immature or mature?

Is he in decent shape or obese?

Does he have friends or not so much?

Can he hold a back & forth conversation?

Does he stay “friends” with these dates (and vice gets) or was that just a escape line?

[Anonymous]

Op's never been back,
What's your relationship like with your brother? Is he open to your advice does he want your help or feedback?

Is there something to fix? Plenty of holes are married ( just look at this thread) and plenty of perfectly fine decent people remain single.

It's NNQ season if you know someone who you think is a good match and is looking invite them as well as your brother.

[Anonymous]

OP, how are his social skills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who talks about being "friend zoned" is undateable.

This.

Women are allowed to interact socially with men for non-romantic/sexual reasons. They aren’t wronging him by limiting their relationship to a platonic one.

I don’t agree with the criticism of this term. It’s just a way to explain that he may have romantic interest in people he’s gotten to know, but they only want to stay friends with him and not make it something romantic. I don’t think it’s deeper than that.

OP, maybe you can answer everybody’s questions about what exactly your brother is like and what you think. His issues are. Is he an overweight slob? Is he a mansplaining misogynist? Does he dress like a dork? Does he try to punch above his weight if he has hobbies, that’s where he should try to meet somebody. He should also make sure he’s in at least decent shape and has some fresh wardrobe options instead of the same tan chinos he’s been wearing since 2007.

Add to this that he has an overbearing, overly-involved sister, and the poor guy doesn't have a chance.

[Anonymous]

He probably could find a poor woman from overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to go to a dating coach and maybe use a matchmaker. It can be hard to meet people these days and maybe he lacks confidence.

This. After college, in modern times, it can be difficult for men or women to find someone. This is particularly true for folks who are imbibe little or no alcohol and/or are introverted. Neither is a pathology or defect, but either one does make it harder.

Separately, some workplaces are quite heavy handed, such that a single man even asking a single woman at work out to lunch (just once, as different from repeatedly) can be classified as sexual harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he offering OP? Is he fun? Kind? Enjoyable to be around? It doesn’t sound likely that he’ll “figure it out eventually “ — without some idea re: where things are getting stuck. Is he a “sad” or overly self-focused date? Does he have hobbies or interests that potential partners might share? Is he reaching out for improbable partners? Does he actually want help with this?

All of this. My MIL often laments that my BIL can't "find someone." The truth is he is difficult, and brings very little to the table. He is in his 40s but still lives in a tiny, unattractive 1 bedroom apartment, even though property is inexpensive where he lives and he could easily afford a mortgage in his income. He is stubborn and arrogant and argumentative. My MIL seems to think he just needs a woman to come along and fix all these things for him, to make his home nicer and encourage him to buy a home and soften all his rough edges.

What woman would do that?? Why?? She would have to bring all the skills and benefits to the relationship. What a hassle. He's had GFs but things go south because he's all taken.

You need to have something to offer. You can't sit around waiting for someone to come along and fix your life for you.

The bolded above sounds immature for his age. Sounds like he needs to grow up and do some work on himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to go to a dating coach and maybe use a matchmaker. It can be hard to meet people these days and maybe he lacks confidence.

This. After college, in modern times, it can be difficult for men or women to find someone. This is particularly true for folks who are imbibe little or no alcohol and/or are introverted. Neither is a pathology or defect, but either one does make it harder.

Separately, some workplaces are quite heavy handed, such that a single man even asking a single woman at work out to lunch (just once, as different from repeatedly) can be classified as sexual harassment.

Why do you suggest that it’s particularly true for people who don’t drink alcohol? Because of lack of inhibition? Where and how they spend their time? Something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is constantly friend zoned and is constantly sad about it. Is there anything I can do? Or will he eventually figure it out???

I highly doubt at 40 he's going to find a life partner. It is possible, but so is getting struck by lightning/winning the lottery/traveling to Mars.