40 year old brother having woes finding his partner

[Anonymous]

He is constantly friend zoned and is constantly sad about it. Is there anything I can do? Or will he eventually figure it out???

[Anonymous]

At 40 he may not ever figure it out. Is he socially awkward? Does he have a good job and live alone in a clean, reasonably decorated home?

[Anonymous]

What is he offering OP? Is he fun? Kind? Enjoyable to be around? It doesn’t sound likely that he’ll “figure it out eventually “ — without some idea re: where things are getting stuck. Is he a “sad” or overly self-focused date? Does he have hobbies or interests that potential partners might share? Is he reaching out for improbable partners? Does he actually want help with this?

[Anonymous]

Is he open to dating women his own age, or is he trying to date 25 year olds?

[Anonymous]

We need to know more about your brother. The Papa mention some important things.

[Anonymous]

PPs not Papas

[Anonymous]

Anyone who talks about being "friend zoned" is undateable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is he offering OP? Is he fun? Kind? Enjoyable to be around? It doesn’t sound likely that he’ll “figure it out eventually “ — without some idea re: where things are getting stuck. Is he a “sad” or overly self-focused date? Does he have hobbies or interests that potential partners might share? Is he reaching out for improbable partners? Does he actually want help with this?

All of this. My MIL often laments that my BIL can't "find someone." The truth is he is difficult, and brings very little to the table. He is in his 40s but still lives in a tiny, unattractive 1 bedroom apartment, even though property is inexpensive where he lives and he could easily afford a mortgage in his income. He is stubborn and arrogant and argumentative. My MIL seems to think he just needs a woman to come along and fix all these things for him, to make his home nicer and encourage him to buy a home and soften all his rough edges.

What woman would do that?? Why?? She would have to bring all the skills and benefits to the relationship. What a hassle. He's had GFs but things go south because he's all taken.

You need to have something to offer. You can't sit around waiting for someone to come along and fix your life for you.

[Anonymous]

^ should say "he's all take"

[Anonymous]

He'll figure it out. If you meet someone you think he'd click with, invite them over for a bbq.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is he offering OP? Is he fun? Kind? Enjoyable to be around? It doesn’t sound likely that he’ll “figure it out eventually “ — without some idea re: where things are getting stuck. Is he a “sad” or overly self-focused date? Does he have hobbies or interests that potential partners might share? Is he reaching out for improbable partners? Does he actually want help with this?

All of this. My MIL often laments that my BIL can't "find someone." The truth is he is difficult, and brings very little to the table. He is in his 40s but still lives in a tiny, unattractive 1 bedroom apartment, even though property is inexpensive where he lives and he could easily afford a mortgage in his income. He is stubborn and arrogant and argumentative. My MIL seems to think he just needs a woman to come along and fix all these things for him, to make his home nicer and encourage him to buy a home and soften all his rough edges.

What woman would do that?? Why?? She would have to bring all the skills and benefits to the relationship. What a hassle. He's had GFs but things go south because he's all taken.

You need to have something to offer. You can't sit around waiting for someone to come along and fix your life for you.

Maybe he likes being alone.

[Anonymous]

He needs to shoot for someone slightly below his attractiveness level.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to go to a dating coach and maybe use a matchmaker. It can be hard to meet people these days and maybe he lacks confidence.

[Anonymous]

He likely has significant flaws that are dealbreakers for most women, OP. Are some of them fixable? I agree with the matchmaking services - some people need the in-person help.

[Anonymous]

My cousin is the same as your brother and the truth is, he could get a girlfriend tomorrow if he wanted to but she wouldn't be the smoking hot bombshell he is holding out for. I love him but I know that's not happening.