How much do you/your spouse get irritated with your kids?

[Anonymous]

No solution here but I completely sympathize. He sounds an awful lot like my wife, who never gets up with the kids in the morning, and constantly "tattles" on them to me when they misbehave on her watch so I can deliver the discipline. She mostly just screams at them, which certainly escalates the situation but doesn't help the kids understand what the rules are and how to follow them. She seems uninterested in learning the basics of child development so she can understand why they misbehave and how to address it in a constructive manner.

[Anonymous]

This is a big issue in our marriage. My husband has no patience for our oldest kid and can be really nasty. He had a messed up childhood and I know that is a big part of it. Over the weekend, I told him he needs to go to therapy individually and couples counseling. We will see if he does it.

[Anonymous]

I'm irritated very frequently but try to keep my tone under control. I snap once every few weeks and usually feel pretty bad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to figure out what level is normal with my H.

He seems constantly frustrated with our 3yo. Most days I have to listen to some variation of him whining at her “LARLA! YOURE BEING RIDICULOUS!!”

For example, she wakes up very stuffy in the morning due to breathing problems from when she was an infant. So she’ll start crying for milk around 7am. H gets upset because he wants to sleep, shoves a cup of water from the night before at her, and whines “Larla stop! Just drink the water! Stop crying!”

He says it’s normal to draw boundaries and be stern with kids but to be honest, I find this behavior so repulsive and unattractive. I don’t think we need to jump every time 3yo says to, but I think there’s much better ways to communicate than whining at them.

I don’t know if I’m explaining his tone correctly. It’s like a combination of whining and being very petulant, demanding, and bratty. Almost like Napoleon Dynamite but more of a jerk.

It’s very much a turn off.

A couple of things.

- 3-year olds are ridiculous. Almost everything they do is ridiculous. However, they do not need to be told that. Your husband should NOT be telling your child she is ridiculous. It's hurtful, unhelpful, and could saddle her with issues.

- If your child is waking up stuffy in the morning, milk is quite possibly the worst thing for her... But also, why is she crying for milk at 7 am? Put the milk in the sippy cup the night before and she can go get it from the fridge. I wouldn't tolerate a 3-year old crying for milk at 7 am, and I think I'm a pretty kind mom.

- Yelling at a crying child to stop crying will NEVER work. Ever.

- Your husband sounds like an immature a-hole. I sincerely hope you're on birth control. I would never stay married to someone who yelled at my child like that (although again I'd also not tolerate a child crying every morning at 7 am...).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s sleep deprived. If I was woken by screaming every morning at 7am for years I wouldn’t be very patient either.

Who are these people who sleep past 7 am? Seriously, do you not have kids? A job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’re explaining it well. Are you saying he’s responsible in the AM? Are you saying that even though he’s exhausted and you don’t think he’s capable of good parenting that you don’t get up with your 3 year old?

Three year olds can be tough and that’s why divide and conquer is such a common sentiment. It doesn’t sound like you’ve mastered that at all yet.

No, I’m typically responsible in the AM. Even today (Mother’s Day) I’m up with the kids and he’s still sleeping in.

With the morning example, even if he was responsible for her in the morning, he would lay in bed and whine back at 3yo until finally getting up in a huff. He’s not proactive in getting up before the kids, he just lays around until they get so irritating and whiny he has to get up.

3 yo responds well when I just explain to her what’s going on. “We’ll go downstairs and get milk, first I need to get dressed and then we’ll go down. Here, play with your sloth while you wait”.

H and DD just basically whine back and forth at each other, escalating until H starts shouting/snapping and does what she wants in a huff.

I’ve tried talking to him about it and he says that’s how he parents and it’s fine. I hate being around it, it’s very stressful and has completely killed my attraction to him.

Ok, so tell him that part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like you tried to talk to him and he shut it down. You guys probably should go to family counseling , because this has already settled in to where you resent him. It won’t get better until you both are on a different track than you are on. don’t have another one until this is improved because it will get worse.

Do this for yourself and your marriage, but mostly, DO IT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. Seriously, you're tolerating her being yelled at all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a big issue in our marriage. My husband has no patience for our oldest kid and can be really nasty. He had a messed up childhood and I know that is a big part of it. Over the weekend, I told him he needs to go to therapy individually and couples counseling. We will see if he does it.

And if he doesn't?

My husband's father was also really nasty to him growing up. He no longer has a relationship with him, nor with his mother, who heard it all and did nothing. Stand up for your kid.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your relationship with your husband, but I would absolutely make fun of my husband for this and let my three year old know that it isn’t her fault. Like, “Dad might be part bear if you wake him up early in the morning. That’s why he’s so growly…haha.” Then he would fake growl, and we would all laugh.
I might also play a game where he can lay down. Like put DD on your side of the bed and have her jump out of the way or leap over him as he rolls over. Or play tag and make snuggles with daddy home base.
I don’t know. You can’t tiptoe around and let him sleep until noon every weekend. If he is tired and needs to take a nap, then he can nap when the three year old naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying to figure out what level is normal with my H.

He seems constantly frustrated with our 3yo. Most days I have to listen to some variation of him whining at her “LARLA! YOURE BEING RIDICULOUS!!”

For example, she wakes up very stuffy in the morning due to breathing problems from when she was an infant. So she’ll start crying for milk around 7am. H gets upset because he wants to sleep, shoves a cup of water from the night before at her, and whines “Larla stop! Just drink the water! Stop crying!”

He says it’s normal to draw boundaries and be stern with kids but to be honest, I find this behavior so repulsive and unattractive. I don’t think we need to jump every time 3yo says to, but I think there’s much better ways to communicate than whining at them.

I don’t know if I’m explaining his tone correctly. It’s like a combination of whining and being very petulant, demanding, and bratty. Almost like Napoleon Dynamite but more of a jerk.

It’s very much a turn off.

A couple of things.

- 3-year olds are ridiculous. Almost everything they do is ridiculous. However, they do not need to be told that. Your husband should NOT be telling your child she is ridiculous. It's hurtful, unhelpful, and could saddle her with issues.

- If your child is waking up stuffy in the morning, milk is quite possibly the worst thing for her... But also, why is she crying for milk at 7 am? Put the milk in the sippy cup the night before and she can go get it from the fridge. I wouldn't tolerate a 3-year old crying for milk at 7 am, and I think I'm a pretty kind mom.

- Yelling at a crying child to stop crying will NEVER work. Ever.

- Your husband sounds like an immature a-hole. I sincerely hope you're on birth control. I would never stay married to someone who yelled at my child like that (although again I'd also not tolerate a child crying every morning at 7 am...).

NP And if she did not stay married, don't you think that said xDH will yell at child while in his custody? Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying to figure out what level is normal with my H.

He seems constantly frustrated with our 3yo. Most days I have to listen to some variation of him whining at her “LARLA! YOURE BEING RIDICULOUS!!”

For example, she wakes up very stuffy in the morning due to breathing problems from when she was an infant. So she’ll start crying for milk around 7am. H gets upset because he wants to sleep, shoves a cup of water from the night before at her, and whines “Larla stop! Just drink the water! Stop crying!”

He says it’s normal to draw boundaries and be stern with kids but to be honest, I find this behavior so repulsive and unattractive. I don’t think we need to jump every time 3yo says to, but I think there’s much better ways to communicate than whining at them.

I don’t know if I’m explaining his tone correctly. It’s like a combination of whining and being very petulant, demanding, and bratty. Almost like Napoleon Dynamite but more of a jerk.

It’s very much a turn off.

A couple of things.

- 3-year olds are ridiculous. Almost everything they do is ridiculous. However, they do not need to be told that. Your husband should NOT be telling your child she is ridiculous. It's hurtful, unhelpful, and could saddle her with issues.

- If your child is waking up stuffy in the morning, milk is quite possibly the worst thing for her... But also, why is she crying for milk at 7 am? Put the milk in the sippy cup the night before and she can go get it from the fridge. I wouldn't tolerate a 3-year old crying for milk at 7 am, and I think I'm a pretty kind mom.

- Yelling at a crying child to stop crying will NEVER work. Ever.

- Your husband sounds like an immature a-hole. I sincerely hope you're on birth control. I would never stay married to someone who yelled at my child like that (although again I'd also not tolerate a child crying every morning at 7 am...).

NP And if she did not stay married, don't you think that said xDH will yell at child while in his custody? Ask me how I know.

So then, half the time?