How much do you/your spouse get irritated with your kids?

[Anonymous]

Trying to figure out what level is normal with my H.

He seems constantly frustrated with our 3yo. Most days I have to listen to some variation of him whining at her “LARLA! YOURE BEING RIDICULOUS!!”

For example, she wakes up very stuffy in the morning due to breathing problems from when she was an infant. So she’ll start crying for milk around 7am. H gets upset because he wants to sleep, shoves a cup of water from the night before at her, and whines “Larla stop! Just drink the water! Stop crying!”

He says it’s normal to draw boundaries and be stern with kids but to be honest, I find this behavior so repulsive and unattractive. I don’t think we need to jump every time 3yo says to, but I think there’s much better ways to communicate than whining at them.

I don’t know if I’m explaining his tone correctly. It’s like a combination of whining and being very petulant, demanding, and bratty. Almost like Napoleon Dynamite but more of a jerk.

It’s very much a turn off.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s sleep deprived. If I was woken by screaming every morning at 7am for years I wouldn’t be very patient either.

[Anonymous]

How do you respond to this request for milk?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a marriage problem

[Anonymous]

You want to give her everything immediately. You’re the bad parent.

[Anonymous]

I’m irratated all the time but try to keep my behavior cool - I believe kids behave how we treat them. If we treat them as annoying, they’re going to negatively react to that and become more annoying.

[Anonymous]

Kids are usually awake at 7 AM. This time is hardly middle of the night. Three years olds can be whiny. This is when you teach them to ask nicely. Is your DH staying up too late? Maybe you two could each take a morning shift with your child? Or, maybe have a sippy cup ready-to-go in the morning.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Is your child waking up every morning crying for milk? That is not normal.

Sure, three years olds wake up early and that is annoying but I would make coffee and make them breakfast. We would read books and be quiet so my spouse could sleep. I would get them outside if the weather was nice.

[Anonymous]

Three year olds ARE ridiculous! Waking up stuffy means she’s waking up having a hard time breathing. That’s so uncomfortable. Waking at 7am is totally normal for age 3. Why can’t you put milk in the fridge the night before and let her get it when she wakes in the morning?

[Anonymous]

3 year olds get up early. Totally normal and silly to be mad as this. Split the weekend so one person is up per weekends day if you all like to sleep in. She is learning that whining is a way to communicate, directly from him. That's how he communicates with her so she will mimic is. With kids that age (and any age really) it's always "do as I do and not as I say". That's what she's learning. Being angry or arguing with a 3 year old, that adult already lost.
That said, 3 is a hard age and a good time to set boundaries and expectations for behavior. They want to please still. I have a pretty hard and fast "no whining rule" if you whine you get nothing. If you ask, we will help you. So I ask kids to repeat requests nicely etc and I don't hear whinging etc. if they are hurt or sick, rule suspended for a bit.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you’re explaining it well. Are you saying he’s responsible in the AM? Are you saying that even though he’s exhausted and you don’t think he’s capable of good parenting that you don’t get up with your 3 year old?

Three year olds can be tough and that’s why divide and conquer is such a common sentiment. It doesn’t sound like you’ve mastered that at all yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’re explaining it well. Are you saying he’s responsible in the AM? Are you saying that even though he’s exhausted and you don’t think he’s capable of good parenting that you don’t get up with your 3 year old?

Three year olds can be tough and that’s why divide and conquer is such a common sentiment. It doesn’t sound like you’ve mastered that at all yet.

No, I’m typically responsible in the AM. Even today (Mother’s Day) I’m up with the kids and he’s still sleeping in.

With the morning example, even if he was responsible for her in the morning, he would lay in bed and whine back at 3yo until finally getting up in a huff. He’s not proactive in getting up before the kids, he just lays around until they get so irritating and whiny he has to get up.

3 yo responds well when I just explain to her what’s going on. “We’ll go downstairs and get milk, first I need to get dressed and then we’ll go down. Here, play with your sloth while you wait”.

H and DD just basically whine back and forth at each other, escalating until H starts shouting/snapping and does what she wants in a huff.

I’ve tried talking to him about it and he says that’s how he parents and it’s fine. I hate being around it, it’s very stressful and has completely killed my attraction to him.

[Anonymous]

Have her tested for allergies, she isn’t getting good quality sleep if congested.

[Anonymous]

Don't have any more kids with him.

I personally think this is weaponized incompetence so you just do it.

[Anonymous]

sounds like you tried to talk to him and he shut it down. You guys probably should go to family counseling , because this has already settled in to where you resent him. It won’t get better until you both are on a different track than you are on. don’t have another one until this is improved because it will get worse.