How often do you speak to your MIL/DIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL recently did something very very hurtful and toxic to me. She is a narcissist and is coming to visit in a few weeks and I need help with boundaries. I usually text her about once a week - pics of the kids, etc but have pulled back the last months. When I told her how hurtful he actions were she completely turned it around and wouldn't even have a convo. How do I handle that without causing drama or forcing my husband to end his relationship?

Move on and pretend it never happened. You already told her you were hurt, there is nothing left to say.

So just be cordial? Do I continue buying Mothers Day gifts and bday gifts or back off? My husband won't do it, he will forget. It was a big deal what went down with us.

[Anonymous]

She’s not a phone person (yay!) but we engage regularly on Facebook and through messaging. Almost daily little interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL recently did something very very hurtful and toxic to me. She is a narcissist and is coming to visit in a few weeks and I need help with boundaries. I usually text her about once a week - pics of the kids, etc but have pulled back the last months. When I told her how hurtful he actions were she completely turned it around and wouldn't even have a convo. How do I handle that without causing drama or forcing my husband to end his relationship?

Move on and pretend it never happened. You already told her you were hurt, there is nothing left to say.

So just be cordial? Do I continue buying Mothers Day gifts and bday gifts or back off? My husband won't do it, he will forget. It was a big deal what went down with us.

Tell your DH that that's his mother and his responsibility to buy mother's day and birthday and holiday gifts for her. Don't fall for "but you're so much better at it than me!" Nope. His mom, his responsibility. He has a phone, he can put reminders in it. And if (when) he fails, you let him fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. She's pretty old and just talks about Jesus.

Are you my SIL? Same situation here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rarely although we get along. MIL has a full life and has good communication with DH. When she comes to visit, we chat. That’s about once or twice a year.

Same. I like my MIL just fine, but she and my mom don't get along. That has made it hard for me, and truthfully it is probably why I am not in touch with her more. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL recently did something very very hurtful and toxic to me. She is a narcissist and is coming to visit in a few weeks and I need help with boundaries. I usually text her about once a week - pics of the kids, etc but have pulled back the last months. When I told her how hurtful he actions were she completely turned it around and wouldn't even have a convo. How do I handle that without causing drama or forcing my husband to end his relationship?

Why is she visiting when there is known tension?
Have your husband handle his mother and preferable before she arrives and makes you a guest in your own home.

[Anonymous]

I talk to mine via text a few times a month. No kids yet.

We have a niche hobby in common so will chat about that…usually it’s ‘I saw XYZ niche hobby thing and thought you might like it.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. She's pretty old and just talks about Jesus.

Same. But mine went through a brief Jews for Jesus phase, so she calls him Yeshua.

[Anonymous]

My MIL lives 2 miles away, we've been married 13 years and I don't even have her phone number. She solely speaks with DH about logistics and I guess she likes it that way.

[Anonymous]

I call my MIL 'Mom" and my DIL "Sir"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL recently did something very very hurtful and toxic to me. She is a narcissist and is coming to visit in a few weeks and I need help with boundaries. I usually text her about once a week - pics of the kids, etc but have pulled back the last months. When I told her how hurtful he actions were she completely turned it around and wouldn't even have a convo. How do I handle that without causing drama or forcing my husband to end his relationship?

Why is she visiting when there is known tension?
Have your husband handle his mother and preferable before she arrives and makes you a guest in your own home.

She is a narcissist who can’t acknowledge past trauma or actions, and thinks that pretending like things never happened is the way to go, so she is coming and acting like none of it ever happened. I am more of a normal person who has to process and work through toxic people and she is definitely toxic

[Anonymous]

We used to be fairly close but she began to really overstep some boundaries and started to become very manipulative about the kids. It began to negatively impact my mental health, which then led to physical health issues that took nearly a year to fully recover from. I won’t go back to that place with her so now I leave it to my husband to sort out, I am very careful about when and under what circumstances she sees the kids, and I tend to take an approach somewhere between grey rocking and yellow rocking when I do have to see her, maybe once a month. She’s having a very hard time adjusting to the new relationship but I’m feeling so much happier.

[Anonymous]

Never? Nor does my spouse speak to my mother. We each deal with our own.

[Anonymous]

We text once every few months, but it’s almost always a group text with her son.
Not close, not unpleasant, but she says she can’t tell me apart from any other woman of my skin color. It’s been decades.

[Anonymous]

At least once a day, sometimes more. She helps us out a ton with childcare.