3rd grader is pooping herself for attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

Most of this is TERRIBLE advice.

OP please walk away from DCUM, and call your pediatrician right now. They will either see you right away or refer you to pediatric GI and potentially therapist. At this point, even if the problem is physical she's been through terrible treatment and needs therapy to deal with it.

Not to be mean, but the poster who said wake TF up and help your kid? You need to hear that. Your daughter needs help. Help her. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has someone mentioned encopresis?

Basically constipation causes you to leak, sometimes without realizing it. Constipation in kids can be due to diet and/or anxiety.

My autistic kid had that. He leaked. We addressed the constipation and the leaks disappeared.

+1 OP, watch the "Poo in You" video linked below (google "The Poo in You" if you prefer not to click on the link below). You can also show it to your kid if you think this is an issue. Either way please consult a doctor

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=the+poo+in+you+YouTube&qpvt=the+poo+in+you+YouTube&mid=1C4D599496BFC5F0B2671C4D599496BFC5F0B267&FORM=VCGVRP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pediatrician: they can let you know if there is a physical condition and can assess if there is abuse.

Ive heard this before but don't understand how abuse correlates to this does anyone know?

When a child has been sexually abused, sometimes the brain will deal with the overwhelm by shutting down signals from this whole area of the body.

OP, if you are still reading: assuming she is developmentally typical, third grade is VERY late for this problem to be showing up for the first time accompanied by denial this strong. It would be much more typical for her to be terribly embarrassed, but not actually sitting there in her own poop.

Something is wrong and you need a pediatrician’s help to figure it out. Get her into the doctor’s office.

Kids with encopresis often don't know they have pooped and don't smell it. It actually makes a lot of sense for this to appear 6 months after the sibling's arrival, as that would be time for the constipation to develop to the point of encopresis.

[Anonymous]

OMG this is a VERY BIG DEAL. If not physical this is a serious psychological issue--obviously start with the pediatrician and go from there.

Was she potty trained late? My kids were potty trained by 24 months and that would have been completely insane and would have made them feel so embarrassed that I can't even begin to describe it.

How does this feel even remotely normal or like a disciplinary issue?

[Anonymous]

Also if she is 8 or 9, what is going on with the new baby situation? Usually by that age, the sibling is embracing being a mini mommy and helping with the baby. Is there more to this story? Do you feel like the baby is safe around her?

[Anonymous]

Children who are being abused sometimes start having accidents in the hope that it will repel the abuser. Their pediatrician can determine if this is a medical issue, psychological issue, or if there has been possible abuse. It is best to turn to an expert rather than making an incorrect assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up Encopresis.

2nd this. My significantly half brother developed this and was embarrassed by it. It was related to a processed food diet with no fiber. He formed a hard stool and poop leaked out around it very frequently after that occurred.

If you have been too busy with the baby and you are feeding your kid juice and processed foods (vs water and fresh fruits and vegetables)... it could be a possibility.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the others that the most alarming thing is that she’s sitting in her own poop and claims to not know what’s wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

JFC.

OP, do not do any of this. Most likely case is that your child became constipated (for a variety of possible reasons) and now is impacted and has encopresis. She is denying all knowledge because she is humiliated and doesn't understand why she isn't in control of her bowels anymore. Any kind of punishment or shaming is not going to help, it will make things worse.

Take her to a doctor. Do some age appropriate education around encopresis and let her know it's not her fault and there are things the doctor can do, and she can do, to fix it and prevent it from happening again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

JFC.

OP, do not do any of this. Most likely case is that your child became constipated (for a variety of possible reasons) and now is impacted and has encopresis. She is denying all knowledge because she is humiliated and doesn't understand why she isn't in control of her bowels anymore. Any kind of punishment or shaming is not going to help, it will make things worse.

Take her to a doctor. Do some age appropriate education around encopresis and let her know it's not her fault and there are things the doctor can do, and she can do, to fix it and prevent it from happening again.

The PP said “that is all if there is no medical reason.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

JFC.

OP, do not do any of this. Most likely case is that your child became constipated (for a variety of possible reasons) and now is impacted and has encopresis. She is denying all knowledge because she is humiliated and doesn't understand why she isn't in control of her bowels anymore. Any kind of punishment or shaming is not going to help, it will make things worse.

Take her to a doctor. Do some age appropriate education around encopresis and let her know it's not her fault and there are things the doctor can do, and she can do, to fix it and prevent it from happening again.

The PP said “that is all if there is no medical reason.”

Even if this is purely psychological, the PP's advice is bad. Punishment and shaming is likely to make any psychological issues worse, not better.

This is a serious issue and OP needs to view herself as an advocate for and helper to her daughter, to get professional assistance and get to the root cause of the issue. Acting punitive is short sighted and lazy at this point. This is an ongoing issue that I dicates either a medical issue or some kind of serious psychological maladaptive behavior. OP needs to stay open minded, supportive, and focused on finding the cause and getting her daughter the help she needs.

[Anonymous]

A 3 yr old starting to poop their pants, after being completely potty trained for a year, was the first sign of a little girl being abused at our daycare.

[Anonymous]

I'm a psychologist.

Watch this video together https://youtu.be/SgBj7Mc_4sc?si=uzvgwHYAe52YWhYW

And then reward associated behaviors ( sitting on toilet after meals, drinking enough water, keeping underwear clean)

[Anonymous]

I’d suspect it’s medical. She might have IBD which can cause a loss of bowel control. It could also be encopresis. She might be embarrassed which is why she is not calling attention to herself or wanting to acknowledge to you. It sounds the opposite of a bid for attention.

[Anonymous]

Go see you pediatrician asap. No she is not just doing this for attention.